My boyfriend is not sensitive to my needs and ignores me emotionally i'm not truly happy, any advice?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. My mother just died and when i look for comfort in him he basically tells me to get over it and rushes the conversation to an end. Lately i've been thinking about leaving him because he seems emotionally unavailable. This weekend i met someone who has so much in common with me and listened and comforted me, now i've developed feelings for this guy. I can't stop thinking about him and now more than ever i'm seriously thinking about leaving my boyfriend for someone who will be there for me no matter what. The guy that i met is younger than me but far more mature than my boyfriend, and feel i don't have the heart to break my bf's heart. I feel i can take no longer of being neglected. I've been looking at other guys in the past 3 months because of this, but don't have the heart to leave him and am afraid of not meeting someone who is as nice as him, my boyfriend really is a great guy except for the emotional thing. i just want to be happy. Anyone?

Dear Angel,
No he used to tell me that i was his everything and that he would never hurt me. But now my heart breaks more and more eachtime that i ask him to listen, i have to cry for him to listen to me...and he hates to see me cry. I mean my boyfriend was here and so was the guy that i'm having feelings for and my boyfriend kept leaving us alone together. It just makes me pissed off at him for trusting me this much and the other guy or makes me wonder if he even cares. I asked the other guy if you were my boyfriend would you leave me alone with another guy who shows interest in me? The other guy said "noway" if you were mine you'd always be with me...see that melted my heart

Answer 1

I hope that my similar experience can bring some help to your prediciment. I too lost my mother, quite unexpectedly apx. four years ago.My life, which seemed like it was so together, crumbled around me. The day I found out that she had passed away, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. Seeking comfort/deversion I said yes, and was soon to find out that he was cold and unfeeling not only towards the subject of my grief, but to my emotions in general.

The marriage ended after four very dramatic months, and I am happy to say that the events in my life now would have never happened had I stayed with him.

But enough about my plight, I guess I'm just trying to say that I understand [ to some degree] where you are at.
Some things to consider
Most importantly yourself. Coping with your mother's passing has got to be one of the most challenging things a person can go through. The only thing that got me through was the support of friends, and in the end a grief therapy group.That helped immensly. It made me realize one important thing : The people that I tried to find comfort in { i.e. my then ex husband, a spattering of boyfriends that never panned out} were never really going to quite cut it. No matter how much we had in common, how much attraction, etc... I found that I had to come to terms with myself instead of just trying to distract myself from my grief.
Let yourself have time to heal-turn to remaining family members,friends,etc.

Secondly, and although I think that especially after being with someone for four years that he should be showing you A LOT more caring when you need it most, death is a hard concept to grasp-weither it be our own mortality, a family members or the concept as a whole. Some people can't talk about it,don't know how to react/comfort those who experiencing grief. So, in end maybe, if you want to preserve your realtionship with him, maybe suggest that you go to conceling together?

Okay, i hope that didn't sound too preachy, or that I think I'm a know it all about the subject... love/death? Nobody will ever be able to know about those with 100% certainty. It just struck home when I read that your mother passed away....I hope this helps and I wish you well...I know it's a hard time....maybe not the best time to start a new realtionship, but if you have found someone that you think will stay with you/honestly help you- then feel blessed.

Perhaps the link below will offer some insite/resources to get into a grief therapy group.....

Answer 2

I am sorry you are going through this. 4 years is a lot of time to just pick up and leave him so I understand why you are questioning it. Has he always been this way, or has it just started?

I can see why you would be seeking attention elsewhere. Have you considered talking to him about it? It's worth a shot, but unlikely that it will change things in my opinion.

I am in a similar sitiuation so I can relate to being unhappy, and wanting to move on yet so unsure. I have been with my bf for almost 4 years, and have one foot out the door.

If you ever need to talk, I am here to lend an ear. Good luck in whatever choice you make!

Answer 3

Simple. Leave your boyfriend for that other guy. Look a relationship is supposed to make you happy. He's supposed to be there for you and support you. If he isn't fulfilling your emotional and/or physical needs, that's more then enough reason to dump him. He is not doing what a good boyfriend should. You shouldn't be neglected. I'd say have a talk with your 4-year boyfriend about his not being there for you emotionally. If you're not satisfied by the end of it, it's time to quit the relationship for both your sakes.

~peace out

Answer 4

I have also had more than one relationship like yours. My Grandfather had been killed in a freak accident-explosion-and my fiance was not there for me at all. He didn't come to our house, didn't call me, nothing. He was out running around on me with other girls. Life is too short to be with someone like this. If he is not there for you 100% about everything, he never will be. I have learned the very hard way. Don't worry about hurting his feelings. Look at what he has done to you mentally and emotionally. If he truly cared for you, he would be there for you and especially right now after losing your mother. I too just lost my Mom a short time ago. I lost my Dad 13 years ago. The guy I had been dating for 4 months, was not there for me when I lost my Mom. He was a very demanding, jealous, control freak. I broke it off and it is one of the best decisions I could have made. Be happy with the other guy you mentioned. Honey, life is just too short to let ANYONE destroy you in any sort of way. Your boyfriend will never change unless he grows up and does alot of maturing. That could be years. Go with your heart and listen to it. You know you would be happy with this other guy. He is the one that is there for you. Hope everything works out for you. I will be thinking about you.

Answer 5

First thing, Do not over text her. She will get annoyed and if you keep telling her "TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU." Learn here https://tr.im/eFVPG

She will not want you even more. You need to show her that you don't need her and can live your life without her. She still cares about you I am sure. Maybe try "flirting" with other girls around her to make her jealous. I know its bad, but if i saw my ex flirting with someone else it would make me REALLY ANGRY. However, you still need to show her you care about her too. Show her what she's missing and remind her of it. Be confident and don't show your broken heart. Try ignoring her? Girls hate that. You want her to come to you. Once she does this YOU have all the power.

She will realize what you mean to her and she will hopefully come crawling back. (I am in the same situation as you, except I am the girl trying to get my ex back). Try not to be so clingy and give her space. But try to be around so she sees you, but don't talk to her much. Keep convos short and if you txt her, which you shouldn't, then also keep it short and bland. This will be hard to do because you just want to let her in your life again, but you can't. If you show her that you are desperate to get her back, she won't go for it. Make her come to you and REMIND her of all that she is missing out on. Hope this helps. And trust me, I know how you feel. Girls usually come around easier than guys so you should be lucky. ughh wish i could say the same.

Answer 6

There are a couple of things that come to mind.
1. If you are not married, you have no long-term commitment. Once married I would suggest you deal differently.
2. You need to look out for yourself and not make decisions based upon what others think. Make sure you are really looking at the entire picture when you finally make a decision, but whatever you decide, do it because its the right thing to do.
3. Bounce your thoughts off a confidant to make sure you are really considering the bigger picture.
4. Take a deep breath and just do it.
Best of luck.

Answer 7

Did you feel a new/smiilar feeling about your boyfriend in the days you met him for the first time? Your feeling for this new guy could/would eventually fade away. Having said that. Do you think that your boyfriend expects you to be honest with him. Then yoiu have to call him aside and inform him about the developments in your life about which he is in dark. I think the rest can be taken from how things progress. Good luck to the three of you.

Answer 8

Maybe your boyfriend doesn't know how to show emotion toward sometime he never experience before. Don't leave just yet. Talk to him let him know how you are feeling and how you would like him to respond to it. If he still seems like he doesn't care, tell he that you love him, but you can't go throw this any more. You want out. And take it from there. Good-luck.

Answer 9

Hi, first come out of this emotional circle u have drawn around u. Guys are pretty smart to understand this & may share your emotions till they get what they r looking for from u. Be strong , courageous ,don't expose your weaknesses and having spent quite a long time with your boyfriend don't think of breaking that realtionship. look for a female friend or relative of yours from whom u can get the emotional support that u r desperately looking for.
Have a good time.

Answer 10

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/FT7kf

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.