My daughter has huge dreams.....?

Question

I have a 17yr old daughter who has plans to attend a state college and have a bright future.She is a great kid with a bad attitude towards ME.Every decision I have ever made....every sacrifice has been for her and her brother..How do I continue to keep her on the right track? she is co-captain of her cheer squad...B student....has a job...Lots of friends...but lately getting her to have a decent conversation with ME is like close to impossible.I just need some advice on how to get our relationship back on track....Thanks...

Answer 1

My mom and I didn't get along until I moved out (not under bad circumstances or anything). I found that we were too similar to live under the same roof! Your daughter really sounds like she has it together, and might just be super independent. I have now been best friends with my mom for almost 10 years. Do what you have always been doing, it sounds like it is working (she is a successful girl). One day, in the next year or two, she will start to realize what a neat lady you really are! Try not to let your feelings be hurt. Ask if you guys could plan like once a month to go to breakfast or lunch or something. That is not too "intrusive" and should be do-able for her, despite her busy schedule. Trust me, I never thought my mom and I would get along. It made me very sad to see the relationships my friends had with their moms--but did I say anything--no. As long as she isn't mouthing off to you or being totally disrespectful or anything, I bet things will smooth out soon. Little things like a note on her dashboard or a special treat in the fridge are always little ways that my mom would say I Love You and I appreciated them more than I ever expressed. Do little things like that every once in a while and even if she doesn't say anything, she will always remember. Conversations are nice, and my favorite person to talk to now is my mom. At your daughter's age, that might not be her thing. I can't express enough how much faith I have that this phase will pass.

Answer 2

"Don't laugh at other people's dreams. Those who don't have dreams don't have much." –Anonymous

You should be happy that your daughter has so much ambition. As long as it doesn’t rule her life, she’s definitely on the right track. I don’t know what kind of stuff you try to converse with. If your talks tend to border on “Listen, I know your dreams are important. But be realistic.”, she may very probably not appreciate. To her, it may be tantamount to your ridiculing her ambitions.

Perhaps you can talk to her more about how she’s planning to reach where she wants to reach, without bringing in incredulity into the equation.

Perhaps you can enquire what you can do to help her. Tell her that while you know she can do it on her own, you would still like to help, because you love her. Enquire among your friends or ask yahoo answers for steps to be taken for her to succeed where she has set upon. Be involved in the things she wants, the way she wants.

Just make sure you give her whatever privacy she wants. Sometimes, staying away from some aspects of her life can bring you a lot closer.

Answer 3

I think she feels that you cannot understand her. There is a definite generation gap between you 2. May be you did something to her unknowingly. You know to kids the smalest things can be so damn important. Just tell her that you want to talk to her about her future and how do you think you as a parent should help her out. Ask her suggestions. But don't ask her that frequently. Just breeze into the conversation and get out of it before she realises that you want to have a talk with her. It might take some time. I think you should give it a week or two for her to come to you for the talk. Remember Breeze in & out of the conversation.

Answer 4

i just want to tell you... i'm 17 and i've got what you might call "big plans". i went to comunity college last year and i'm going again this year. i have a job and some friends, so same sort of deal. oh, and i want to become a chemical engineer...

i have drifted very far from both my mom and my dad, especally this last year. the funny thing is that it's normal... teens are supposed to drift away from their parents during this time because that's how they move out!!!
we have to do it step by step... you can't just wake up one day and go "ok! well! i'm moving out!" cause it donsn't work.... try to think of it as her taking steps towards being independant.

lots of mothers and daughters don't get along... it's sad but true. i don't tell my mom anything. she really doesn't understand me at all, and trust me i've tried explaining things to her before. i think i'm bipolar or have some sort of chemical imballence in my brain that causes depression but she won't listen to me at all...

as she matures and grows up she'll begin to see all the sacrifices you make for her every day. if she doesn't see that now then it's just because she hasn't expierienced life enough on her own. if you always do stuff for her then she'll never know how hard it is to do herself and so she won't be able to appreshiate it.

i love my mom, she is the most amazing person i know. we get along better now... but i still don't tell her anything. i hardly see her now that i go to college and have a job... but it's just me taking steps toward moving out and being independant.

if you really think she needs to learn to apprishiate you NOW (which i really wouldn't do because forcing this is not a good idea) but if you feel the need then i'd actually start letting her take on more and more of her own life... let her do her laundry, make her food... buy her own gas, those sort of things if you're not already.

hope that helps, though it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

Answer 5

no longer unavoidably. I do wish for my daughters to have an exceptionally intense high quality wedding ceremony and each thing they have dreamed for (is quite). extremely because i did no longer get to have what i wanted, I had to do what the mummy and dad and in-rules needed and what each and every person else predicted. What i wanted wasn't a extensive fairy tale wedding ceremony in any respect. I in basic terms needed a small intimate and private wedding ceremony reception, with stay song and dancing and a intense high quality meal with each and all of the folk i admire, no longer each and every person that my mum and dad knew. I in basic terms prefer my daughters to have what they like, no longer what they could settle for.

Answer 6

I have 2 daugters, 16 and 18. We have great relationships, but there has been times that I have had the same issue.What has worked for us is this... I had to back off, not push myself, sometimes even seem uninterested, and it works like a charm. When she needs you she will come to you. Of course, always stay involved, ask questions, listen to what she is saying to others, but stay in the "distance". It does take practice, but with pursistance, you can master it!

Answer 7

Try the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." It's an amazing book that has simple ideas about how to communicate with your kids without leading to turf wars over stupid things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste. It's also about getting kids to talk to you and how to keep a dialog going with them. No matter how old your kids are, it's a wonderful tool. Its techniques also help with adult relationships. Their follow-up book, "Siblings Without Rivalry" Is equally good.

I'm not a reader of self-help books but these are tops on my list of parent must-reads.

Answer 8

17 years old? Just wait a couple of years. Most teenagers have a bad relationship with their parents from 14/15 until they become adults and often even longer.

Answer 9

Just be there for her when she needs her parents around. I'm 17 and I push my parents away like this too. Its normal teenage rebellion. Just be glad that she has dreams to look forward to and work towards. My sister was a complete wreck because she knew she had no bright future....

Answer 10

Figure out why your pissing her off for one.

Otherwise... just wait. After a few years she'll be more accepting when shes grown up.

Theres no real way at this point. She'll do as she pleases. Just make sure nothing seriously bad happens. Your supposed to talk to your children at early teens... after that they don't care.