13 Reasons to Smile?

Question

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

5. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

6. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

7. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

8. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

9. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

10. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

11. Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

12. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

13. Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"

Answer 1

awesome..:)
#8 thx...hgday

Answer 2

In answer to number 5;
A good friend will come bail you out of jail...


...in Mexico!

Answer 3

Excellent! Have a good night!!!

Answer 4

THAT is too much where did you get all that stuff????I laughted my buns off.

Answer 5

yeah i already told these sorry but they're still funny ♥

Answer 6

hahhaha lol that was great to here and i'm totally with you

Answer 7

14th reason to smile loook at meee :@)

Answer 8

hhahaha funny

Answer 9

good

Answer 10

lol