i need a laugh see i cant laugh _a h_
2006-08-07 17:42:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What Did He Say?
A police officer pulls over an elderly female for speeding while driving her husband to a doctors appointment. The officer approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding.
She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "He said he stopped you for speeding."
The officer asked the elderly female for her driver's license and she turned and asked her husband, "What did he say?
The husband replies, "he wants to see your driver's license."
The women hands the officer her license and he sees that she is from his old home town. The officer tells the couple that he remembered the town because he had the worst sexual experience of his life there.
The women looks at her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The husband replies, "He says he knows you."
Oops!
A state trooper pulls over a car for speeding and the female driver says "I guess you want to sell me some tickets to the Trooper's Ball?" The trooper responded, "Troopers don't have balls, ma'am." After he realized what he said, he simply walked back to his car and drove away.
----------------------A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia."
As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
Pull Over!
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Little Johnny
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
The Revised Miranda Rights Version 3
You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________
2006-08-07 18:09:34 · answer #1 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was a dog who applied for a job so he went into a place that said that you needed to be able to read, do graphs (write basically) and be bilingual, so he took the sign and took it to the manager, the he said "sorry i can't hire you" then the dog pointed to the fine print that said "equal rights" or somethin' then the guy said " what the heck, show me what you got," and he typed a perfect graph, then the guy said but you also gotta be able to read, so he did an assignment, which he could only do by reading, and then the guy said that's great but i can't hire you, then the dog pointed to the fine print again and the guy said but you also gotta be bilingual and the dog sat calmly in the chair looked him in the eye and said "meow" i got another one but i'll write it with my other account, till then, bye!
2006-08-08 03:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by Cindy Lindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you babysit a black boy?
Put Velcro on the roof and have him jump on the bed.
How do you get him down?
Tell a Mexican kid it's a pinata.
2006-08-08 01:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by Fatboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so 3 men go to hell and when they get there the devil greets them and opens three doors. one with a bunch of people standing on their heads on concrete, another with people standing on their heads on hard wood floor. and the thirs was filled with people in **** up to their knees drinking coffee. the three men chose the third room so they could drink coffe and wouldn't get a head ache. they walked in and the devil locked the door. he sat in his office and came over the intercom saying "okay boys, coffee breaks over, back on your heads"
2006-08-08 00:48:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how did the 14 year old mexican girl get pregnant? her teacher told her to do an essay
LOL
im not a racist i love jokes i know many andim mexican i love all races
2006-08-08 00:48:21 · answer #5 · answered by jazzy P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo Mama So Ugly, her shadow hides from her.
2006-08-08 01:40:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am writing a book called things I'd never do. Chapter one is called, "Whoopi Goldberg".
2006-08-08 01:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by Jersey's Franchise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"beachnutt_bunny" should get 10 points. Good jokes by her.
2006-08-08 02:06:43 · answer #8 · answered by GS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HOW TO KEEP A BLODIE BUSY!
clickâ
http://www.angelfire.com/tn/maggiejohson...
i said this before but is it still ok (*_*)
2006-08-08 00:45:51 · answer #9 · answered by LiTlE mIsSy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat,
but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
2006-08-08 00:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋