Is this wrong for 10 year olds?

Question

My 10 year old daughters best friend is a boy and has been since they started pre-k. We are very close friends with his parents and we attend the same church. They have always spent the night with each other and always been best buddies. All of sudden my husband thinks they are too old to be staying all night with each other. They do not sleep together or anything like that and I do not see a problem in it because I know they are well supervised. Neither of them are at the point where they care about having a boyfriend/girlfriend! They look at each other as best friends. Please Help!!!!!!

Answer 1

thats not too big of a deal, but i'd maybe try to get them used to the idea that its not gonna be accepted soon. it doesnt need to be a blunt thing that hits them all at once, they can ease into it. chances are as soon as the hormones kick in, they'll end up needing some space from each other anyhow. he'll be all full of testosterone and energy, and she'll be interested in makeup and shoes and stuff.

Answer 2

OK I will be honest I didnt read through all the answers so this may have already been said but I dont think there is anything wrong with this. I have an 11 year old daughter and i believe that they probably think of each other more as brother and sister than anything else. I am afraid that if you and your husband break this up that the kids will be the ones to suffer and get the complex that friends are not worth the trouble that at some point in time they leave. I would talk to your husband and tell him that in this day and age it is hard to find trustworthy people and that when you do you dont allow negative thoughts to guide you. You obviously trust his parents and they trust you so just tell him that this friendship is important and he has to get over this. Good luck.

Answer 3

That's 4th grade or so? I don't think it's wrong for ten-year-olds to be friends with each other, but the rest of the world will probaby want to intrude. You four are still their parents. You should probably start to teach them how it sounds to other people and about how society is going to judge them. What they're doing sounds very cute and sweet and innocent, but while you and they might not care, the world around them is strange and cruel and will force them to grow up in a less pleasant way than you would if you don't do it yourself first. The kids might say something odd to their other friends, and those friends might let it slip to their parents or their teachers, and the next thing you know, people might be freaking out and trying to ruin their lives and expel them from school or what not.

So, it might just be kinder to your children to explain things to them, that they've reached an unfortunate age when adult society thinks that girls and boys shouldn't spend the night together. It's definitely too bad that the world will probably mess things up and not allow the kids to stay innocent.

I'm sorry. Best of luck with it.

Answer 4

I think as long as they are well supervised I don't see why you should worry I have a 10 year old boy and grl are not on his mind toys are at 12 and older is when you might want to watch them a we bit closer. We all need friends and if we can grow up with at least one close one thats great.
No worries mom let the kids play supervised of couse they may be inocent but the madning world out there isn't and ideas get planted. Kids will be kids and curiosity will always be there no matter what the age.

Answer 5

We were close friends with a family that had two sons while our daughters were growing up. The kids were the same ages and became like brothers and sisters. Our oldest is now 31 and doesn't have contact with her "brother" anymore but the younger one (28) just started emailing her old buddy. They live in different states but are having a lot of fun remembering old times and discussing new things. As long as there is supervision I see no problem with it. It helped my girls to understand boys better since they had no brothers at home.

Answer 6

I think you husband is just being a father of his 10 year old daughter. At this point is time, this is where their bodies do start to change. Mostly for a girl, but with peers pressure of boys now a days, boys can start to look at girls in a different light. I think if they are best friends and they do not sleep together when they have sleep overs at the house then there is no problem. But I think this will take care of its self in time as your daughters body is going to change and she will be feeling different things about herself. In about one year or so, the boy ,that is her friend will also feel the changes in his body.

This is where good communications with your child is essential. As her mother you should see her body change and her moods swings. You need to talk about what is going to start to happen to her body and her moods, and tell her that is it ok. It is normal and not to worry about her changing feelings.

It is time now to start to open good communications with her and not just to shut the door on her friend. If you talk to her in short timely chats about life... she will be able to figure out these new feelings. If they are truly good friends then they will just slowly change with their bodies. This would be a better choice than to just stop them from seeing each other all of a sudden. If that happens they will wonder why the their parents would keep them apart all of a sudden. That would only confuse them and they would be very resentful toward you and would also try to figure out the reasons why? That is what your husband wants to avoid.

Answer 7

Your husband is wrong. As long as they are not sleeping together or bathing together, and all boundaries are being respected it is very healthy for your daughter to have a male buddy!! She will be much more prepared for LIFE (and dealing with boyfriends later on!!) with that experience. Girls who are friends with boys early on are much stronger in their relationships later. You'll know it if their feelings for each other change. Forcing the issue will only put a wedge between your daughter and her dad -- and possibly make her develop into the next stage too quickly. (as a reaction to your husbands absurd fear) From a young girl's perspective the sudden fear your husband is exhibiting feels like rejection and a lack of trust in HER. It can shame her if you're not careful. Your husband needs to be mindful of the messages he gives his daughter. Girls need to feel close to their dads at that age. When they don't they wind up getting pregnant or doing drugs or rebelling in some other way in the teenage years.

Good luck on that!

Answer 8

I think they are getting too old. They are about to get the sex ed in school and this will cause a lot curiosity. Staying the night together has to stop sometime and I would stop it while they are young. They can still be best friends, but unless you have each of them locked in separate bedrooms, you never know what kids will try. I am sure you raised a good girl, but you dont want to give either of them any temptation. I wouldnt worry about the boyfriend/girlfriend, just the fact that they are going to start being curious about other peoples bodies.

Answer 9

Make sure they ARE well supervised. You don't want to ruin a good friendship because of some baseless suspicion. However do remember these kids are entering puberty soon. Have a talk about with your daughter, not so much specifically about her best male friend, but in general what happens when boys and girls go through what she will go through the next few years. The more knowledge you equip your daughter, the better the decision she will make if she ever needs to.

Answer 10

I think your husband has the same problem my boyfriend has, trying to stick the daughter in a tower with a bolted door until she's 40, :)

I think that once they're 13, I would start to try to not let them sleep over. Your husband is right, there is a certain point when it's not ok. They will probably always be like brother and sister, but since they're not related, you don't want them experimenting and getting curious. I would also talk to the little boys parents and see what their thoughts are.

I think since they're so close, I would start to consider the "Birds and Bee's" Conversation. They're getting to that age. I had my first sex ed class in 4th grade. :)

Good Luck!

Answer 11

Boys begin noticing girls long before they become interested in girlfriends. We live in a sex obsessed society and it is only a matter of time before one of these two start getting curious. If I were a little boy who started to get curious about what little girls have in their panties, who would I approach? Perhaps a best friend who I am allowed to spend the night with? Is there a more convenient setting imaginable?
At their ages, sure, they are innocent, but you are on a countdown timer. Nobody knows how much time is left on it, not even them, but I guarantee that that timer will run out and you will have some explaining to do when it reaches zero if you don’t take reasonable measures to keep the inevitable from happening.