What's the funniest thing you can ask someone in a lift?

Question

Recently, in a crowded lift, a co-worker asked me how my cats were. He knows that I don't have any cats, but I decided to play along, and said: "they're fine". He said "good, has the hair grown back since you shaved them then?". Cue everyone in the lift cracking up. How can I get him back with another thing to ask in a crowded lift?

Please don't say "who farted?"....

Answer 1

Some ideas:

- does he still need a ride to the fertility clinic?
- did that rash finally clear up?
- is he finding it easier to live up to the terms of probation?

Answer 2

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back
for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong
ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what
floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while,
let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream,
"That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if
they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they
can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic,
they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut
up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,
"Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without
getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your
one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

uhhh sorry if that didnt help. here are some other things to say.

"What do you mean you are gay?!"
"Wow! How long have you had that *****!?"
"Ew, is that smell coming from you?"
"I thought you'd get rid of that lice by now!"
"I swear you look just like my dog"

i hope you liked them.....sorry if you dont.

oh and try this website! its fantastic and hilarous!
http://www.getannoyed.com/

Answer 3

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering- "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the Lift.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask- "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the Lift. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper- "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the Lift with a warm handshake and ask them to call you admiral.
One word- Flatulence!
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce- "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back- "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Meow occassionally.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the Lift descends.
- Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the Lift.
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Leave a box between the doors.
ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
- Start a sing-along.
When the Lift is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Shadow box.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the Lift walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger- "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
announce in a demonic voice- "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
Take a List of peoples names, look at each person individualy and cross a name off the list while shaking your head.
Stand offensivly in front of the button panel.
- Block the door. dont let anyone in or out.
Dance to the Lift music.
While in between floors, hit the emergency stop button and have a nervous breakdown.
While in between floors, hit the emergency stop button and act important.
While in between floors, hit the emergency stop button and constantly check your watch impatinely, then hit the emergency stop button again.
Ask everyone if they have the cure for lycanthropy.
Ask everyone their maritial status.
Have a conversation with no one in specific.
Make up a language and ask people questions. Be persistent.
Push all the buttons before you get off.. pity the next person that gets on
State to dead air - "Looks like a full moon tonight, Lem."
Kick the side of the Lift until everyone leaves.
Jam minature marshmellows up your nose and sneeze them out. see how many you can do at once.
Pull a noose out of your bag and say under your breath "Now... where can I hang this?"
Braid the hairs in each nostril.

Answer 4

Just tell him to hold his nose with a handkerchief because u have just farted.

Answer 5

hand him a tube of some sorta cream and tell him it worked when your dog had that nasty rash on his anus and it might help him, ask him if its stoped oozing yet


=)

Answer 6

I have no ideas for you but there are some pretty funny answers!

Answer 7

"How'd they find out you're the one peeing in the elevators?"

"Has your insurance agreed to pay for your sex change?"

"What did you just put in that ladies hair?"

"Are you taking your girlfriend to her prom?"

Answer 8

What's "malesting" and who farted?

Answer 9

ask him "did the Viagra work last nite?"

Answer 10

good links for that:

http://www.galactic-guide.com/articles/2R87.html

http://winn.com/bs/elevator.html

http://www.getannoyed.com/elevator.htm