Is this a good reason to be really angry and upset with my dad?

Question

Believe it or not i still have to ask for permission to go out. I asked my dad today if it would be okay if i went to the beach with one my friends. He said "no" straight out. I got so upset, i went to my room and cried. Cause im 19 and he still wont even let me go out the house except to the store. And people say i should act like a adult so he will treat me like an adult, but when i was 16 he would'nt let me get a job. When i was 18 i signed up to work at a fast food restaurant and he yelled at me because he didnt want me to work there. He only wanted me to work around a job that he would like himself. when i ask him why i could'nt go out he said that it was becasue i had to start learning how to stay at home and be a wife. No man will want a woman who does not stay at home all the time.and i cant move out because it is our tradition to move out only when u marry.

Answer 1

i believe it that you have to ask for permission to go out. it's not unusual from a family of culture that there is this expectation on you. i've experienced the same thing, and have gotten upset over the way both my parents were to me. i don't believe that you are not acting like an adult.....you can act very adult and your dad will continue to treat you the same way. i know this because i've gone through this before when i was your age. you follow through with what your dad wants because it's a part of your tradition/culture. i did as well, and still do. i choose to live with certain things that my parents expect of me even though i may not necessarily agree because i'm ok with it, it doesn't put me out, and if it makes them happy, i can do it for them. though you may need to set some boundaries...put your foot down...with dad around going out or getting work because these are normal things that you should be able to do at your age that culture or tradition have nothing to say about. you may need to state firmly to dad 'i'm going out to the mall and i'll be back in couple hours.' or 'i've applied for a job downtown, and i hope i get it.' be firm and stand solid for what you want. ensure your dad that what you are doing is good for you and that it will make you happy...you may need a heart to heart talk with him to say that you are growing up and need to make your own decisions....'you can give me guidance dad, but that's all i want from you, thanks. and your support.'

Answer 2

Yes, you have a very good reason to be upset with your dad... he is treating you like a five year old and its not right...Id say stand up for yourself make him understand your not a child anymore...when he says no respect his decision but your life isn't his decision no more so do what you want if its your tradition to stay at home until you marry then do so...what I would do is the next time he tried to tell me to stay home I would tell him "how am I supposed to meet a husband If I can't go outside....and maybe just maybe he might loosen up if you show him that you can stand up for yourself and talk to him like a a grown woman would.

Answer 3

If this is a question between your religious customs and your personal independence, you may have to question which one is most important to you. With that being said, I don't believe this is something you should hold against your father because he may have been raised differently. Try having a heart to heart with him without being angry because you both may learn something from it regardless the outcome. You may also respect each other a little more. If all else fails, pray on it if you are religious and know that you might not get what you want when you want it, but you'll always get what you need when you need it. ; )

Answer 4

He sounds abusive and mind controlling to me. Sometimes you have to break tradition in order to change the way things are. I grew up in a traditional mexican house with a very domineering and abusive father who was a bully & beat us... Fortunatley, for me, although I married very young, at 18, to a good guy and we are still together 15 years later...
But both my younger sisters ran away from home and started their own life by helping each other out. Thay would not obey the molds set in the culture & pretty much said "See ya". They are in their late twenties & early thirties now, have husbands & kids, & they still dont talk to my parents. Needless to say, they married out of their race to avoid that mexican mindset. I dont know what culture you are, but you deserve more....Good luck to you, dont be afraid if you are offered help. You deserve to have a life!! You remind me of this song:

Answer 5

It sounds as though you are 'stuck' between old tradition and new tradition. Old tradition being the way your father is raising you, and was probably raised himself. New tradition being everyone wanting a lot more freedom to do what they want, and go where they want. You need to decide which is more important to you, living your life the way you were raised and make your parents happy, or live the life you want to and possibly losing them. I know it sounds harsh but a lot of old traditions are like that. Either that or find someone to marry but even then, they probably have to approve of him. Good luck. DB

Answer 6

I know exactly where you are coming from. I am 18 and my dad treats me the same way.
I have tried talking to him. But he just tells me that what he says goes.
It's hard, I know. Me and My dad rarely talk now.
I don't have much advice because I'm here for similar problems.
But all I can say is hold your head up and stay strong.
You will be out and on your own in no time, and he will realize how bad he messed up.
(at least, that is what i tell myself)

Answer 7

hi, i think of anger administration is so as here. He lacks verbal substitute skills while he's indignant. My suggestion is to discover a small tape recorder and attempt to secretly tape the incidents while he gets out of hand. Then, while he's calm and 'being superb' as you reported, ask him to take a seat down and communicate with you. it is continually mandatory to try this in inner maximum! Then, play the tape returned. i actually think of that he would be shocked and disillusioned with himself while he hears how he sounds. additionally, specific, expert help is important here. I worked with households etc., for years in Texas and it is my adventure that as quickly as you strengthen up and have not been taught suitable coping skills so which you could strengthen as much as react in basic terms like your Dad does. It does not recommend which you will for a fact. You do provide you the prospect to act otherwise yet, this does not continually ensue. sturdy good fortune, JOSA

Answer 8

If you are financially stable enough, you can leave. Your parents can't actually tell you what to do over the age of 18, they can only threaten you. I'm pretty sure you can get benefits to help you out, you can also try getting the highest paying job you can manage and some people do GoFundMe's.

Answer 9

However, you are in the US. Your father has no respect for your self worth and growing up and your needs. If you are capable of getting a job and providing for yourself perhaps you would consider moving out with the suppor of other friends if you can't get the support from your own family.

Answer 10

Put on your big girl panties and stop whining.. you are 19. I assume that you must live in a country where other girls go out and get jobs and live on their own or you wouldn't be writing this question.. so do that. You are 19.. no one can stop you from moving out. No one can stop you from getting a job.

But.. you are living in your dads house and he is paying to put that roof over your head and until you move out you live by his rules.. if you dont like them.. leave. If you dont want to leave.. live with it.