how can i learn to be a better parent?

Question

i feel my son doesnt want anything to do with me, because i am a strict parent with house rules and house chores... but they do get paid every weekend.. how can i be a cool parent and how can i not be a mother from helll.

Answer 1

You are not in a contest...you are trying to instill in your children skills they will need when they leave home. It is not your job to be cool...your children need parents, not friends. Make time for your children, without interruptions. Talk to them....about how you feel, and your plans for them....that you want them to grow up strong of body and of heart.

Don't give up and NEVER give in!

Answer 2

Depends on your definition of strict. If being strict is just about having house rules and chores, that's not strict it's just part of living with a group of people. As some pp have said, add some fun to things but you need clearly defined, reasonable limits. Chores are a fact of live. If they are old enough to contribute to managing the house then they should. Find age appropriate duties and set age appropriate expectations on the quality of the work. You need to foster a team approach. In our house we all have a designated 'room' as well as our own. Every day, before we have TV/Computer time EVERYONE, including mom and dad, do their chores. The reward is the fun that comes after and if it is done everyday, then it only takes us a few minutes to clean up. It's also teaching them how to be neat when doing things because they know they will have to clean it up if they make a big mess. My kids are doing really well with this now but before I started this, when I was doing most of the work, they were slobs. I mean they would literally throw a tissue on the floor when they finished wiping their nose because they knew they wouldn't have to clean it up. I had many battles in the beginning but now we all work together and we all share in the rewards! You can be a parent AND you can be a friend!

Answer 3

being a parent is a hard job. Trying to do what's best and balancing all the rest. You are not meant to be his friend and there will be times that you might not feel well liked by him. Just the fact that you question your parenting skills show that you are on the right track. With my son he has rules and chores and he also has to earn point to play computer, PS2 or watch TV. It is not our job to be there best friend. We need to be strong and giving at the same time. I try not to be too controlling and I talk to him alot, but there are something that I will not moved. I also hear him out when he doesn't like something and if he has a good points then I might change it. I really try not to give him my hang ups and I am trying to teach self control, reliance, and discipline, but with boys it is a long road but well worth all the work it takes.

I am always reading books that also help and there is a web site that yes is for babies but it goes up to all ages www.babycenter.com.
Some books I have read are; 10 conversations you need to have with your children By Shmuley Boteach and another is raising Cain protecting the emotional life of boys By Dan Kindlon PHD and Micheal Thompson PHD.
Good luck you and yours and give yourself a break mom and remember they can't always see the forest through the trees

Answer 4

You are a better parent. Better than many I know. By setting rules, and making the kids help around the house (which I don't believe they should be paid monetarily for, after all it's their house too.) you are bringing them up to be responsible adults. Unfortunately children don't come with a manual. As parents, we have to do what we think is right. If it turns out differently, don't beat yourself up about it. Children will learn on their own that we only want what's best for them. You are not trying to win a popularity contest, you are the parent. Nuff said. Keep uo the good work.

Answer 5

I'm so happy to hear you are a strict parent...you know why? You are teaching your son early on discipline and that in life we cannot have all the things we want--thus, he won't be "spoiled" or even worse--have delusions of grandeur. In time, he will grow to realise that you were right in bringing him up the way you did..I just wonder though HOW strict you really are cuz when I was growing up (70's and 80's) my parents NEVER gave me nor my siblings any allowance--we had to work for money and that's what your son needs to learn. Living today is expensive--money is a whole other ballgame where kids needs to understand they have to earn what they want. If he's old enough, have him do a paper route. He'll get tips and get exercise. I just htink kids today are spoiled and not diciplined enough. They even get cell phones...sheesh!

Answer 6

There's no training course in parenthood, it's all about your morals and ethics, and those you want your child to follow. Explain why you do these things, and the fact that they do get a reward for taking on some responsibility, exactly as you do in your working life. You are trying your best to prepare them for the rest of their life where they will make their own decisions. You're just trying to make sure they have the grounding to make the right decisions.

Good luck

Answer 7

my parents were strict and i thought they were just being mean but in all actuality they were teaching me responsibility.now am an adult and thank my parents for the tough lessons.ur teaching him he has to work for what he wants instead of the easy way.he needs to learn there will always be rules he will have to follow wherever he goes.sounds like you are a very good parent keep it up:)

Answer 8

maybe reward them a little more. my mom did things i didnt understand but i did when i became a mom. I know alot more then i did as a child. People do not teach there kids enough skills, and they grow up and have failed marriages, or just cant cope with life. If you are taking the time to teach them, thats great but always try and add fun in there.

My mom i pick at her all the time about stories she did to me when i was a child..remind you i am not serious i am just talking to her about how i felt..she laughs through it..and we randomly refer back to it so there is a bright side to all this but dont forget to have fun with your kids

Answer 9

You are there to be his parent not his friend it pays off in the end.

Answer 10

let your son to teach you how to be a good parent...then he will love to be with you...