This is a problem for me...don't know what to do...any advice?

Question

I've been seeing someone for just over a year now. We are both single parents. Right from the beginning, it's been said "no promises, no committments", and he is not yet divorced (although his ex lives in another province with her boyfriend). I know I have feelings for him, but we don't talk about anything like that. Neither one of us has seen anyone else since we started seeing each other.

Lately, I have been wanting more. I don't want to be with anyone else - I want more with him. I don't know if I should just tell him it's over - I'm not going to give him an ultimatum - or if I should just take things as they come.

I've been hurt very badly in the past, and trust has never been an issue with this guy the way it had been with other men that I dated in the past. I'm just confused about what to do...I don't want to start over again, but I don't want things to stay the way they are right now either. Any advice out there?

Answer 1

Get a babysitter and go to a place where you both are relaxed and the surroundings are nice and somewhat romantic. Wait till you get a few drinks down,both of you. Start in with:" You know, we've been friends for a long time now, and I've been thinking alot about what I want in life and for some reason it always has you included. Do you think we'll ever be anything more than just friends with benefits? I 'm noticing that my feelings for you has grown,and I want to be happy but I don't want to set myself up for failure so can you help me by telling me what you feel about all this?"
Maybe that will be a soft enough conversation for him not to feel cornered and it isn't setting an ultimatum, it's simply asking him to tell his feelings. From there you will be able to make a decision,based on what he says. You don't want to be in a one-sided relationship, you'll end up hurt again, even though you will be even if he doesn't feel the same as you do. I wish you luck because your taking a major step in your whole situation( be brave) This is all a big part of life's lessons and I think your brave,I would also do it!!! Please let me know how it goes either way.
By the way my name is Tina

[e-mail]

Answer 2

i can't help but to see the irony of all this
after all you agreed to your no promise no commitment options
so why did you date as a single parent?
since you are a single parent you have a higher degree of resposibility than someone who is just single
you can just play the field like single people
it's not an option
therefore you selection in someone else can only be for serious relationship or not at all
you putting up a disclaimer show you were not ready
the fact you had trust issues before him further that
in the ned you should either state your feeling and say you want more
or leave him and clear all your baggage
then consider dating
this is why guys should not date single mothers
you get type of thinking and illogical head games as a result

Answer 3

Think you badly need a companion.Express your feelings to him when you meet next time.Just relax and calm down.Dont rush things.Take things as they come.See if he also misses you and feels the same. Dont hurry up things.You have been hurt badly in past so why make hasty decisions?Just let him know of your feelings for him and let him also express his feelings to you.If you think you can trust him ,go ahead and have a frank discussion.Dont be confused.Meet him in person and pour out your feelings.he does not have to commit himself but at least he can give assurance to you about marriage.
Committment is always better in the long run.Dont push him hard.Let him know of your dilema.Im sure he will come out with some assurance that he will marry you once his divorce gets through.So just hang on till such time.keep yourself busy with your work and daily chores.Good luck im already hearing the wedding bells.Its matter of time.

Answer 4

Right from the beginning was a year ago. I am sure you both have been through quite a bit during this time period. Maybe he is feeling much the same as you, and he wants more also.

You will never know unless you sit down and have a conversation with him. Tell him what you are feeling and why. If he is not on the same page as you, i would seriously consider moving forward.

Answer 5

Living in the edge of something you do not want is torture. Yes, you two started something that has grown out of its shell into something else (at least for you). So I do feel, you should tell him exactly what you feel.

You care about him and he probably cares about you. If he is not ready to commit, you should know and if your feelings for him have evolved into something else, He should know too. Life has a lot to do with changes, and sometimes changes can not be foreseen not ignored. For your sake, you must talk to him about your feelings. Maybe he has the same feelings and concerns. Maybe not. But you can not go on hurting like you are right now. You must know what to expect and if he is not ready, then move on, as painful as that gesture may look like.

Answer 6

Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but why do you set yourself up to fail, and get hurt in relationships. IF HE ISN'T DIVORCED YET, SHE ISN'T AN EX!!!!!!! HE'S STILL MARRIED!!!!!!! Regardless of where she's living, or what he and her are doing separately.
In the future just remember that the "no promises, no commitment" thing NEVER works out, someone will always want or hope it will become more.
I know you don't want to, but you need a fresh start with a single guy (sounds like lots of drama about to start with this one)

Answer 7

If he is really, that great a guy, I suggest that you slow down.he isn't divorced yet.. He may not be willing to make any commitments. What will you do if you tell him that it's over and he says OK, I understand. Have a good life. You must accept the way things are right now or move on. Do you really want to gamble?

Answer 8

You should make no changes to your current "no commitments" relationship until his divorce is finalized. By no means should you give him an ultimatum. He would almost certainly interpret this as a sign of things to come. Take it easy, give him plenty of space, and keep getting to know each other better. When he is divorced and ready to enter another committed relationship, he will let you know. Meanwhile, enjoy what you've got and don't pressure him.

Answer 9

I think you should just keep going with things the way they are it has been working for a year so why not just go with the flow. I think that is the problem with people now days they are so ready to rush into things instead of taking their time. Just take things slowly and see where they go. If it is meant to be there will be more. Good luck.

Answer 10

i think you should talk to him about ur relationship and maybe ask him how he feels if you guys take it to the next level. if he doesnt want any commitments than u probably need find someone who will fall in love with you. it will come soon if you hope dont try hard the right guy will find YOU. also the dating websites whrere people find there true love DO WORK i know this because my parents met each other that way and they are happily marriend
good luck!