A friend of mine just lost her baby. She was only 4 months pregnant. Any ideas what I can do to show I care?

Question

It's her first time getting pregnant; her husband is in Iraq. She's devastated & I don't know what to do.

She's down in Alabama; I'm in Upstate NY.

Sunshine; what a great idea. Thanx for everyone's input. I appreciate it & didn't expect such a large response!

Answer 1

My friend LOVED this poem.

The Tiny Rosebud God Picked to Bloom in Heaven

The Master Gardener
from heaven above
Planted a seed
in the garden of love,
And from it there grew
a rosebud small
That never had time
to open at all.
For God in His perfect
and all-wise way
Chose this rose
for His heavenly bouquet,
And great was the joy
of this tiny rose
To be the one our Father chose
to leave earth's garden
For one on high
where roses bloom always
And never die.
So, while you can't see
your precious rose bloom,
You know the great Gardener
from the upper room
Is watching and tending
this wee rose with care,
Tenderly touching
each petal so fair.
So think of your darling
with angels above,
Secure and contented
and surrounded by love,
And remember God blessed
and enriched your lives, too,
For in dying your darling
brought heaven closer to you!

Answer 2

this should help i got this from the march of dimes, good luck
How Friends and Family Can Offer Support
"I don't know how to offer support." Many people feel this way. Sometimes, support from friends can be more soothing than from family members who are dealing with their own grief. But you can be of comfort to the family if you:

* Stay available and listen.
* Ask what tasks the family needs you to do, such as cooking, cleaning the house, running errands, or watching children.
* Do small things such as bringing over a pizza or a casserole, taking the children for a few hours, or picking up a few groceries.
* Acknowledge that the baby existed, and accept and share in the parents' grief. Send flowers if you think it is appropriate.
* Tell others about the parents' loss so that they don't have to repeat the story.
* Remember especially difficult times such as the anniversary of the baby's due date, birthday or death, or the holidays.
* Be sensitive to the family's mixed feelings about your own or a friend's pregnancy. It may be very difficult for the family to see a friend who is pregnant or whose baby may be due at the same time as the baby they lost.
* Remain patient. People grieve differently. For instance, men often look for facts or grieve in more solitary ways. Women may be more likely to seek the help of a support group. There is no "standard" length of time. Parents will never really "get over" the physical and emotional loss although, eventually, they will incorporate it into their life's experiences.
* Offer to hold the baby items or other memorabilia from the hospital until the family is ready to look at them later.
* Offer to return maternity clothing or other things that may be too difficult for the parents to handle or see.
* Offer your help in memorializing the baby.
* Encourage attendance at a support group. Perinatal Loss and Genetics and Birth Defects provide information about support groups.


By being there for the grieving family, listening to them and offering whatever assistance you can, you'll help them get through a very difficult time.

Answer 3

My goodness I am sorry for the loss. Will her husband come home? I hope so, this is a family emergency. You should call her
Rear Deatachment commander, and ask to see if there is any way possilbe that her husband is granted emergenacy leave.
Don't speak to the people that answer the phone, ask when the commander will be in or ask for his/her number and talk to him.
If that doesn't work, call her state senotars office and expalin what has happened and something will get done. I had to have my husband come home a 2nd time for our sons surgery, he was only granted a 2week leave, it was suppose to be 30 days
but... We got the pentogon inolved and once they hear word than somebody over there will get a phone call. And he might come home. Say your prayers and go over to her house even if she doesn't want anybody too, she will indeed need that. God Bless

Answer 4

I would probably spend as much time as I could maybe help her clean the house and cook because you know she's depressed and probably doesn't want to do that stuff right now.

Also, try to get her out of the house...go see a movie go shopping. If she doesn't want to leave the house or go out bring the outdoors to her so to speak. Throw a little get together with your friends (make sure there's alcohol involved) and have a good time with just the girls at the house. Maybe she can cook something and it will keep her busy and forget about the lose for awhile.

Answer 5

Tell her everything happens for a reason and not to worry. Reassure her that she'd not alone and when the time comes, she'll have the best baby ever possible to show her love to, I have a five month old baby now and two years ago lost a baby. Believe it or not almost everytime a woman gets pregnant for the first time she'll more than likley lose the baby. It happened to me and alot of people I talk to. When the time is right It'll happen again, send her my sympathy, she's not alone.

Answer 6

I think that just by being there, calling her more often, will make it. Let things go at her pace, maybe she wants to talk about it, maybe she doesn't. Respect her decision. Go with her to medical appointments. Try to get help from her Family Readiness Group. if her husband is in the military. It might be devastating to have her husband deployed and not having support from her friends.

Answer 7

Just truly show her how much you care........... you really do care though, right???? Its hard to help someone that way because you are not placed in their positions. Call her whenever you are not around, try to cheer her up, and go out with her, like to the mall or just stick to her side for a while......even though it may be difficult. Just remember to tell her Jesus is always watching and to keep her head up even though she is really going through some tough times. Let her know that the Lord does certain things that are just unexplained, he does it for many reasons, hopefully she will eventually have another oppurtunity to be a mother. hope i helped

Answer 8

Refer her to a support group and they will tell her that this doesn';t mean that she can't conceive again. Many women don't carry the first to term...I lost 2 before I had my son and it is devastating...but just having you say the words "I am here for you" will help. Also ...get her away from the environment where she lost the baby and where she can cry alll day....she needs to get out of the house.

Answer 9

Send her a sympathy card. A card is something that a friend can keep, occasionally look at, and be reassured that someone really cares.
Next, talk to her and let her know how much it hurts you to see her hurt. Talk to her of better times you've had, and be willing to run errands, etc., if she needs help.
Just a little compassion can be a major help, but use moderation as well.

Answer 10

Just offer your sympathy in a real and honest way. Tell her that you are her friend and want to be there for her. Hug her if she needs it, and let her cry. Day by day she will heal, but it will be a process. Maybe try to find out other things that make her happy as an individual and do something for her in that way.