Need help NOW, defiant 23 mth old won't eat..Been doing supper for an hr now?

Question

Okay, I am a single Mom, work full time, already stressed. I know terrible 2s bring defiance, tantrums, etc but my little 23 mth old WILL NOT eat what I am giving him (foods that he has eaten with no problems in the past-and recently). I know some articles say this is normal, just get him to eat something & end of story but all he wants now is Pudding. His treat and sweet foods are limited to yogurt, pudding, unsweetened applesauce and occasionally crackers. I do not buy ice cream, chips, candy, or cookies for him (or myself). I'm trying to teach him that I am not running a restaurant, would rather not give in because then he'll think he can always get what he wants. I also do not want to be up during the middle of the night because I have a hungry child. I want him to learn this lesson, I'm fighting with myself to not yell and scream about it, but this is really driving me nuts. I don't have time to make 2 or 3 dinners for him per night because he's 'clenching his jaw'. HELP

Answer 1

Let him go hungry. He won't starve to death, and he'll learn a very valuable lesson.

Answer 2

Don't give in to your child. You fixed him a healthy dinner and he will eat it when he is hungry. If you both eat dinner at the table, have him sit there with you, even if he doesn't eat.. and then if he doesn't eat.. put the food in the refridgerator.. when he says he's hungry, take the food back out and warm it up.. he may be defiant still and say he doesn't want that, or not eat it.. and then put it back until he says he's hungry again.. Sooner or later he will realize that his little game is not going to get him what he wants. Do not make him a special dinner.. do not make him something else if he doesn't want what you've already made. The only time I would say to make a child something other than what you are eating is if the child absolutely doesn't like what you are having.. like when I was a kid I hated stir fried veggies.. so my mom left a little chicken and rice out for me, and I had that with raw veggies.. but if you are making foods he likes.. he's just trying to see how far he can push. Don't reward him for eating his food either. Don't say, well, if you eat this then you can have pudding.. thats when kids start over eating. They will eat what they have to get pudding, even if they are full. Try to give him a smaller portion (obviously you don't have that big of a portion for a 2 year old anyway). If he wants pudding, give it to him a couple hours after he eats his food, if he is hungry again, but not instead. Even though this is a phase, you want it to stay a phase. If you give him pudding for dinner... he will keep wanting it for dinner, no matter what you are serving.

Answer 3

Relax, honestly I have two boys one that is three and still goes threw that stage and a six month old that will go threw that stage.
Kids go threw growth spurts, hungry one day but not as hungry the next. Kind of like most of us adults.
If you made dinner place a little of everything on the plate set it on the table or where ever you have him eat, if he doesn't eat it then don't let him eat anything else if he is hungry then tell him where his plate is...offer this for an hour after that get rid of that food..so you don't have to worry about him getting sick later.
An idea would be to put a little applesauce on the plate as well with dinner.
With my three year old, well when he was younger and even now I put a little of everything and it does take a little patience but everything will work out....
There are times now that my three year old won't eat much of anything all day and then all of a sudden he is really hungry or just thirty and drinks plenty of water.
good luck -- by the way if he is clenching his jaw - think of it this way it is his way of telling you he isn't hungry. My six month old turns his head away from me and won't open his mouth when he is done eating. I try to follow those simple cues because when you force them, they usually get sick because their bellies are to full.

Answer 4

I agree with most of the other mommys on this one, tell him we are eating ____ tonight, and you will eat nothing different. I have one really great eater, and one picky one. I handle them differently. The benefit at my house is that my daughter, 4 (picky, and loves junk) gets to see that my son, 7 (eats broccoli before chocolate) has more treats than her after dinner, because I say to him, "you ate such a healthy meal (not clean plates...I think cleaning plates sends a bad message) so, I don't mind if you have a popsicle" Then, she knows that in order to eat the treats, the healthy food has to go first. I never offer to give her an after dinner treat during dinner, because I want her to eat healthy even if there is no reward. However, if she says "i'm full, i want cake now." I remind her that nobody gets cake unless their tummy already has a big helping of salad in it.

I let her know, also, the benefits of each food. Like, "carrots make your eyes see better!" (betacarotine improves vision) and "Broccoli makes your bones strong and your skin pretty!" (calcium and iron)
There are days that she just doesn't want to eat. Then, a few hours later, she says she's hungry. I give her the parts of dinner that she refused, and make her stay at the table to eat it. If she gets down the 2nd time, then all she gets for the remainder of the evening is water. Twice she has awoken the next morning shaky, I tell her "This is your body telling you that you need more healthy food at dinner-time."
Amazingly enough, remaining positive and giving her many tries at the same foods, she will now eat MUCH more than she ever would at 2 years old. Keep offering the healthy stuff, and be positive, not punitive.
And I don't buy chips, candy, cookies etc. either. My family are all fit and trim, and we feel great. It's important to give children the right attitude about feeding their bodies now, so they don't have to break bad habits when they are adults......WAY TO GO!!!

Answer 5

I have learned through experience that a kid will eat when they are hungry, but whatever you do don't start fixing different meals for your child. When you fix something make sure that there is a least one thing that your child will eat. Then if he doesn't eat when you do, put it away, but let him know that when he gets hungry he will finish his supper. This may sound mean, but I have a 4 year old that tends to try the same thing to me. She never wants to eat what I fix, always says she is full, until right after I clean up the kitchen, then she is hungry and only wants junk food. This little trick of hers worked for a little while, but now I simply put her plate in the microwave and when she comes to me 30 minutes later I dig out the same plate and she eats.

Answer 6

I know how frustrating it can be to want to feed your child and he won't eat. I'm a nanny and I've had my share of "won't-eaters." The best idea I can give you is to take him out of his high chair and let him be. *Nothing* will happen to him if he doesn't eat dinner tonight. Treat it like you would any other defiance. The natural consequence of not eating is a rumbly tummy, and a night or two of this will be enough to cure him of his picky behavior. Start adhering to the "the highchair is for eating, and if you won't eat, you get down" philosophy. Put his dinner in the fridge and later, offer him a small portion of THE SAME DINNER in a casual manner, and don't fret if he still doesn't want it. As hard as it'll feel ("My poor baby's going to bed hungry! I must be a bad mother!"), just remember that a calm mommy for your son, one that hasn't been stressing about dinner for hours, is much more important for his well-being than that one dinner. I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 7

RELAX mom! Take some deep breaths.

DO NOT get into a power struggle with him over this. It is YOUR job to offer him lots of healthy options. It is HIS job to decide what and how much he eats. This IS NOT WORTH getting into a power struggle over and it could cause even MORE food issues if you do.

Don't give in and give him the pudding. Put dinner before him (small, child sized portions.....too much can look overwhelming) and if he eats it, he eats is. DO NOT expect an almost 2 year old to sit down to dinner for an hour. That's totally unrealistic. I bet he's dying to be up from the table. You're creating a power struggle and making meal time stressful for both of you. RELAX. Let him up. He won't starve himself. Don't make different dinners. If he says he's hungry later, microwave his leftovers and give them back to him.

When my son was around 2-3 years old, I was concerned about how little he ate. Our doctor told me NOT to worry about getting balanced meals into him at that age.....that I shouldn't even worry about balanced days! Instead, shoot for a balanced WEEK and if he ended up eating the equivalent of 3 good meals over the whole week, that was GREAT.

Answer 8

I would make foods that you know he likes but don't let him dictate what you make. Offer the food and let him know dinner is now not later. (even though you won't let the little guy starve!) If he refuses then just put the food away but no snacks!! When he gets hungry enough he will eat and will eat the food that you made! Give a shot - from one single mom to another!!

Answer 9

If the issue is that you want him to eat, then give him something that you know he will eat.

If the issue is that you want him to eat what you have prepared then you may have a battle on your hands!! I had the same problem with one of my sons. All he wanted was his sippy cup full of milk. I did not give him milk and I did not make him anything else to eat. The rest of the family had dinner while he just sat at the table with his plate full of food in front of him. He'd gag if i tried to make him take a bite. I got tired of the same routine day after day so I stopped trying to persuade him. I would clear the table when everyone else was finished eating and later on he'd ask for something to eat. When he ate enough to satisfy me I'd give him the cup of milk. When he didn't eat, then he was hungry until breakfast. I had to stop feeling bad about it.

My other son would eat anything as long as it was served to him in a chip bag. LOL!!

Answer 10

My son (now 5) started this when he was about the same age as your son. I tried everything. Wore myself out. Since he is my third child, I didn't worry too much, though. I knew he wouldn't starve. I finally learned that what he didn't eat by about 4:00 he wasn't going to eat. He doesn't like dinner still. He eats a good breakfast and lunch, but is very limited on the things he likes. He continued to gain weight and grow, the doctor agreed he was healthy, so I didn't fight him. My suggestion is to find 2-3 things that he'll eat and give them to him over and over. Eventually he'll be old enough you can reason with him and he'll learn to try new things. It's not worth the battles you're having to try to provide variety. If he completely refuses, relax. His body won't allow him to starve. He'll eat eventually.

Answer 11

Well, as annoying as it will sound, let him go hungry. He will probably want the food in an hour or two, in which case you will have to drag it out and reheat it. I guarantee that if he gets hungry enough he will eat whatever you're feeding.

This is a stage that will pass with time, but it will require patience and support from whomever it is that you have watching him while you're at work (in other words, the daycare cannot substitute foods - which is where this might be stemming from, unfortunately). You need to be VERY concise and clear on stipulating that to your provider.