wat do i hav 2 do 2 get rid of an admirer ? i told him 2 get rid of his illusions about me but in vain?

Question

He's been "in luv" with me 4 a year now & he suffered a lot

he nose i'm not interested in him
he started smokin & drinkin

we wer frends
he's been "in luv" with me 4 a year now
i made it clear i wazn interested in him
he started smokin & drinkin
he jus dozn wana giv up on me

i avoided him 4 a long time but he sent me his frend hu convinced me that he was deeply hurt
we havent seen each other in 2 months
he sent me a note tellin me that he lost his pride,.. bcoz of me & that he coudn help it
he's been seein a girl 4 2 months now & he's stil attached 2 me

Answer 1

Remember, even he has feelings too. Thank him for his admiration, and let him know that though you are very flattered, you are simply interested in nothing more than "friendship" with him. If he can accept that, great. However, it sounds like he's past that level, and is somewhat obsessed with you. This could be red flag, and something you do not need. You will need to find a way to make him believe what you are saying is true. Look him in the eyes, and be honest. Surround yourself with caring friends who will stand with you during this. Be cautious and careful of his emotions. Stay strong.

Answer 2

You definetly made things worse by telling him to stop liking you. The reason is, is that this more then likely hurt him, and will cause feelings of you owing him, or kind of challenging him, that is you will remind him of his failure, which makes him want to make it right. This is just like reverse psychology.

It would have been way better if you ignored him, and even avoided him. Then his feelings for you would have been less embarrassing, and he could have said to himself and others that he really wasn't interested in you when it turns out you were not interested. So now you have made it fact that he liked you, and you didn't like him.

This whole thing is an act. You have acted in one role and he has acted in another. So you are both stuck in your roles of being the women who is to good for him, and he is stuck being the man who is in love with her.

The simplest solution is seperation. Once he hasn't seen you in a long time, he will forget about you (and his role in the act) and move on to the next girl or thing to obsess over as being meaningful. This is the least painful, although doesn't really solve his problem of being obsessive, but solves your problem quite easily.

Getting a boyfriend or saying you have a boyfriend, is similar to seperation with the exception that you will still be around to remind him of those feelings (the role he is playing), which means he will hope that things dont work out for you, he may even blaim this other as being the cause of your feelings towards him.

The hardest solution, is to have a serious talk. Not about how he feels about you, but how you feel about the situation. The best way to go about this, is to talk in third person, as an observer outside of the situation. And even if it isn't your fault, act like it is, and apologize!!! And I mean apologize for anything you may have done to cause his feelings for you, but don't say that plainly like that. Pinpoint specific things you think may have caused him to have those feelings for you, and pretend those things were the cause of it and apologize for them. This gives him a way out, something he can tell himself that it wasn't him (and really it isn't, he is just caught up in the role). And avoid talking about your feelings for him, it's better to act as though there is none. Like I said this is hard. Your basicly being manipulative in a good way, the alternative manipulative way is to use his feelings to get him to buy you expensive stuff which is messed up.

Answer 3

how about stop paying attention to him? it sounds like you might be stringing him along. Tell him once and for all you are not interested, and that you would like very much for him to leave you alone. Then don't respond to any attempts he tries to make toward you.

If it evolves into unwanted attention and harassment, you may have to file for a restraining order. But usually if a guy thinks he has any chance at all he will keep trying no matter what.

Answer 4

let him know if he wont stop he will hurt some more,lol just kidding, if you telling him your not interested, get a big friend cuz n uncle dad , let them have a talk with him, or maybe have a make believe boyfriend, works with my cuz n

Answer 5

i've got exactly the same problem as you... and he's really in love. BUT i dnt really want him to disappear either...

Thats tough... sorry i cant give u any advice... but good luck...

Answer 6

tell him you just want to be friends. It will crush him and he may not speak to you again, because he is an impetuous fool.

Answer 7

just f..k him once then he will go away for sure yuor a lousy root

Answer 8

be an *** towards him, if he doesnt get it. dont let him have any hopes by being nice. it is better for him.