Is background checking your lover unethical?

Answer 1

Totally depends and as a general rule I would be against checking any ones background on other than basic information. And if this is your lover, why are you waiting until now? Seems like it would be prudent to have some basic info before the deed. The important stuff, like values, morals, characteristics should be discovered before the lover stage, unless it is just a one night stand which would negate the necessity for the question. So if you were satisfied in the beginning that they were who they say they were then you must have some level of trust so when something doesn't seem quite right a question should do the trick. Other than the obvious, he really did a good job and fooled you into thinking he was single but isn't and you still are seeing red flags, then maybe, maybe I said, it might be appropriate to do a little investigation. But to do a criminal back ground, a D & B listing, a credit back ground, no is intrusive.

Answer 2

YES!

If you have something you want to know about his past, ask him. If he's willing to tell you, then great, if not, then leave it alone, he may in time.

If you really love him, you love him for who he is right now. His past is his past, the point is, he's now trying to make a future with you, and maybe he does have some deep dark secret from his yesteryears that's lurking beneath the surface, but you know what? If you can prove to him that he can trust you, and that you will love him despite his past life, he'll tell you in time.

I know that my past isn't squeaky clean. Some of my best friends don't know everything about things that I have been through as recently as 2 years ago, and I'd most certainly not tell a girl that I just started seeing. She would really have to earn my trust, and even then it would be a difficult topic and one that would take the right timing.

If I found out, however, that she went behind my back to look up my past, whether she found anything or not, she would have ruined that trust I had in her, to a point where IF she ever earned it back, it would take a long, long time.

Talk to him, ask him, and tell him why you're interested. If he trusts you enough and is comfortable with you, he'll tell you eventually, but give him time. If he doesn't tell you right away, it's not that he's not comfortable with you or that he doesn't trust you neccessarily, but that he's not sure how to tell you or needs to work up the strength.

Give it time, it'll come, but if you love him, don't betray his trust like that.

Answer 3

You must have some sort of suspicion if youre wiling to back ground check. If thats the case then be prepared for the worst or nothing at all, and then let it go. Then ask yourself if you are a trusting person, and would you mind your background being checked?

Answer 4

Unethical? No. Odd....definately. If something has raised some red flags, then maybe you have reason to be checking into his past. But, if this is happening, is it really worth carrying on in this relationship? This pretty much says you can't or don't trust him.

Answer 5

Now a days you have to do background checks so i would say no it's not unethical it's being safe. better safe than sorry.

Answer 6

I don't think so... as long as you and your lover have a mutual understanding of the purpose. But if s/he is only a lover, with no prospect of a marriage, why go through the hassle? Just enjoy it while you can.

Answer 7

NO! I wish I could have with all the guys I dated.... Some were real losers & I could have told that from a credit check alone, but a back ground check would have helped too!! good luck!

Answer 8

Hell no public information is public. This day in age you can never be careful anyone is capable of anything and you should protect yourself. I am also a firm believer that honesty is the best policy so if you have suspicions you should tell them

Answer 9

I would say it is a way of protecting yourself to chech im out before he becomes your date or lover. however, I am not sure about the legal implications. If you are not using his SSN, I guess you are covered.if you are not using his info for other purposes, I assume there is no problem

Answer 10

I background checked him before and I google him now.