Lol i liked this one wo i thought i would share...
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them from your body.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, I am told, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful... like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
*Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
*Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
*Places where there is darkness.
*Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness of any kind.
*Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her Adam’s Apple.
*Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay, too.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
2006-08-07 10:33:02 · 12 answers · asked by bored_army_soldier 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Soooo good I'm printing it up for my husband.....
my dad use to carve the guys name in a bullet and give it to the guy and say I've got a lot more where that one came from ;Hurt my daughter in any way I'll hurt you in many ways.......Need less to say most were very afraid of my dad..
2006-08-07 11:11:29 · answer #1 · answered by manda 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
That is some pretty funny stuff. I'm sure my hubby will be using these methods when our two girls get older (Lord help us all)
2006-08-07 10:54:07 · answer #2 · answered by Kristin C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My brother dated a chick whose dad was very much like that once. Very funny article!
2006-08-07 10:48:31 · answer #3 · answered by FiatJusticia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL Rule 10 was the best.
2006-08-07 10:39:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lacey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man I wonder if my daughter knows that she has this to look foward to....haha
2006-08-07 10:50:27 · answer #5 · answered by JB 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And all the while your daughter is out banging the football team.. :\
2006-08-07 10:43:20 · answer #6 · answered by eatmorec11h17no3 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
good one...I am a mom & not even in the military & i think those rules are too lenient..lol
2006-08-07 10:39:19 · answer #7 · answered by lovinlife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha, wow that was good, my dad was in the military....Where did you find these?? :-P Funny funny!
2006-08-07 10:41:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats funny...but kinda sad......women don't have adams apples...refer to rule #8........unless his daughter used to be his son then...houston..we have a problem
2006-08-07 10:41:27 · answer #9 · answered by anthony v 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't want to be his daughter.
2006-08-07 10:40:47 · answer #10 · answered by Demon of hand-writing analysis 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋