My son has a girlfriend who is 20. He is 22. They have been living together for 1yr. She tells me that she has alot of male friends. She has always had them. She gets along with them better then females. Some of the guys she wants to hang out with are 25-28yrs old. She went the other night to see them at a group gathering for friends(Party). She was gone all night. She comes home and says that she never went to bed and is tired. She says there were girls there also. She can't understand why my son would be uncomfortable with her doing that. She did tell him and he said ok . He was working all night. They both say they love each other. She doesn't want to give up her friends. This girl is to me immature. She wants my son to pickup after her, do her laundry, clean thier appartment. She only works 21hrs a week and has more time to do those things. My son has gotten upset a few times with her about these things. (Just thought I should add the last few sentences).
2006-08-07 10:28:43 · 10 answers · asked by Homesweethome 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Right, it is none of my business. I wanted input from everyone to see what others thought. As a mother, yes I'm concerned. It is his life. Todays dating has changed so much, I just wanted to see what you thought.
2006-08-07 10:38:35 · update #1
Yes they live with me. I keep out of it unless she asks me for advice and then I try to say very little. She was the one that was talking to me about it, wondering why my son had a problem with it. She told me that she wants her own group of friends. He has asked to go with her but she tells him no.
2006-08-07 10:55:08 · update #2
It's all about compromise. I would be very uncomfortable if my boyfriend hung out with more females than males, and even moreso if he was unwilling to make a compromise with me about it. There might not be anything suspicious going on at all, but if she is that dead-set against making sure that he is cool with everything, then I would wonder. There should be a happy medium where they can both come to terms with this....She has to give a little, and so does he. In a relationship, you have to have trust--without it, you don't have a relationship. So, in that aspect, your son needs to ask himself if he trusts her, and if he finds that he doesnt--he needs to figure out why.
Maybe as part of an agreement, your son can ask that she not stay out all night partying. Now that they are living together, her first responsibility should be him. They are a miniature family, and that's how it goes. Your son can't ask that she give up her friends, but she can be sensitive to the fact that it makes him uncomfortable & unhappy with it, and not go out as often, or invite him along, etc.
2006-08-07 10:37:50 · answer #1 · answered by Froggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinon, at 20 years old she should be more responsible. Maybe fill her free time with school or a second job. Helping around the house would be nice of her, and is somewhat part of her responsibility in her living situation. Having guy friends is an entirely different story. No matter her cleanliness, or amount of maturity, she more than likely only has these guys as friends. It's not fair for her not to be able to have friends, just because they are the oppsoite sex. So she gets along better with males, so what? That doesn't mean she is going off with them or doing things with them, or loving your son less. You and your son should trust her more. She may need to grow up, and you two may have personal issues between each other, but don't assume that she is being unfaithful/unloving to your son. Put some trust in her.
Are they living with you? If so, tell her it is her responsibility to help around the house or else you will start charging rent/have them move out. If your son and her are living on their own, then unfortunatley this is his problem and you need to step out of being a part of that issue. If he loves her enough to deal with her messiness, that is his decision.
2006-08-07 10:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by *apes* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day and age, it's not uncommon to have plenty of friends in the opposite sex. As long as she tells him, hides nothing, I don't see it being a problem. It might help if she actually takes your son along to some of these parties so that he can join her circle of friends.
In all honesty mom, I don't think that's truly the problem. Mom, you need to butt out. This is your son's life and just because she isn't meeting your standards, doesn't mean she's not meeting his. You mentioned her being immature, were short of calling her lazy for only working part time and a slob for not doing her fair share of housework. You have issues with her and you are looking for someone to back you up on them. As much as it kills you, you can't do that. He is a grown man, and from the sounds of it, raised rather well to be working so much and doing the housework. As a mother myself, I've questioned quite a few girlfriends and cringed when some of them walked through our door, but I never said a word. Much to my delight, most of them never last. When we raise our children a certain way, they pick up on those morals and values and raise their standards accordingly when searching for a girlfriend. If we harp on them they go to the other end of the spectrum out of spite for our nagging. Be patient and learn some tolerance. You've done your job as a mom, it's his turn to shine, give him his space to do it.
2006-08-07 10:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they love each other then they will stay together. But she needs to do some of the house work too if she only works 21 hours a week. She shouldn't have to give up her male friend for your son. Just like your shouldn't have to give up his ladies friends for her. If they break up over some thing this small then that is dumb. I would try to work it out her/him befroe I did any thing stupid.
2006-08-07 10:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by yoda_0072002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he needs to find this out for himself.
My family has tried to tell me, you know what.. this isn't the guy for you, and I didn't listen.
I loved the guy, and I believed in him more than anyone else.
Turns out they were right in the end, but I had to learn from my own self.
Eventually he'll probably get sick of it himself, or realize what's going on.
It is good to talk to him about it though, and let him know how you feel..point out the ways in which she's not being of a benefit.
I had stayed home all the time, and waited for him, and waited and waited, and he stood me up a few times, and eventually he'll get sick of the way he's being treated.
My ex would go out to pub's/bars with friend's.. and it rotted me..cause I wouldn't go out at all, and I'd be waiting for him, and he'd be out.
Eventually he'll see how thing's really are.
2006-08-07 10:38:30 · answer #5 · answered by xx_ladyxluck_xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its the typical double standard that us guys apply when necessary. lol. there is absolutely nothing wrong in you having one or twenty guy friends. in fact you should, its actually good for a relationship. sounds like he has a trust issue going on. sadly if he doesn't trust you, your relationship is doomed. no, he has no reason to distrust you. none whatosever. but he does, and that is a sad thing. talk with him, let him know that you can have male friends, just as he can have female friends. and that if he doesn't trust you, you see no reason to be with him. its hard, its difficult, but that is way it has to be.
2016-03-27 02:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
women that can not get along with other women are usually bittys the whole he is just friends thing really needs to go if it is hurting the other person they need to talk about this and YOU AS A MOTHER NEED TO AS HARD AS IT IS STAY OUT OF IT,PRAY.sorry cap locked
2006-08-07 10:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by pycosal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd much rather hang out with guys then girls. So if my man doesn't want me to hang out with guys, he is as good as gone.
2006-08-07 10:34:04 · answer #8 · answered by Time goes by 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately its easier said she is a ho when your not sleeping with her. It will ultimately have to be up to him. He does need to get a handle on it but its just going to take her to make him do it.
2006-08-07 10:34:42 · answer #9 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's natural to be concerned about your son, but it's really none of your business. let him make his own mistakes, if that's what this is.
2006-08-07 10:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋