How can i turn back the clock and be different?

Question

I currently wish I had the guts to kill myself right now so i wouldnt keep breaking my familys heart....i need help but im broke and ashamed.....im in a terrible situation....im divorced and remarried and now im being abused again......i have no friends i trust......my job barely keeps me fed and my bills are piling up....im injured from a car accident last year and cannot afford help.......my family lives 900 miles away and cannot help me they just lament that i "do this to myself" i gave up drugs but i miss them...i miss not caring about my problems........i hate life....ii dont believe in suicide but i want to hurt myself. mental disease runs in my family...everybody is a drunk/drug addict and takes pills pills upon pills......i feel like im being punished..where is god???
who can help me?? i want to die

Answer 1

Sweetie-- you cannot turn back the clock but you can start from this moment and move forward. You are obviously depressed and when you reach this level of depression you cannot think clearly. Do not make any rash decisions right now. If you have to, call your local suicide hotline. There are people there that will support you in any way you need. They will just talk to you if that is what you want or they will give you resources for help or tell you how to get immediate help if you feel it is a life or death emergency. I worked at a hotline and it really does help to decompress and look at your problems with someone who is not severely depressed. God may not bend down and scoop us up in his arms but He has people out there who are his angels and want to help. Those at the hotlines are volunteers that genuinely care about your situation. God Bless!

Answer 2

No I'm afraid you can't turn back the hands of time, you have to face your demons head on. If you're in an abusive relationship leave, I know that it's easier said then done. But it is possible, drugs never solve any problems, they just add to them. My husband is a recovering addict, he's been clean for going on 6 years, and he spent 20 years as an addict. He even got so down and out that he lived in a junk yard, when we took a break from each other. He went to about 20 different rehab centers and none of them had any long term effect on him. Yeah, he talked the talk and walked the walk while he was in there, but when he would get out it was a horse of a different color. He stole from us, he didn't work, and he even rented out our car for drugs. I was the only one working and I was 8 months pregnant. I worked until my water bag broke, and had to go back to work 10 days after our son was born. By this time he was back in rehab in another state. Let's just say that he and I went through a lot while he was in never, never-land. When I finally asked the Lord to help
me and I put the problem in his hands, things started turning around quickly. Everything is possible with the help of the Lord, we just have to ask. If you were ill and needed to take medication everyday, you would right. Well, that's the same thing with prayer, each and everyday. Then stand back and watch God's smoke. He will always have your back.

God Bless
If mental illness runs in your family, you need to see a professional.

Answer 3

You are here for a reason and even though you are hurting right now you can start by calling the suicide hot line at 1.800.SUICIDE or 1-800-273-8255. Secondly, abuse is never the fault of the victim. You need to understand that the abuser picked you because they sensed you were vulnerable and they are predators who are responsible for their actions. There are crisis intervention centers for women in every state and community and it's important that you get out of this abusive relationship and get some help right away. 1-800-799-7233. You don't have to feel alone and helpless, and believe me - I've been there too. It takes some work to crawl back up from the bottom, but if I can do it, so can you. Please make these phone calls now, don't wait until it's too late. There are people who care and want to help you but you need to let them know where you are. They can take you to a safe house, away from your abusive spouse, and help you get back on your feet. The bills and your job are the least of your worries right now, so let it go until you can cope with those problems and take care of your depression and abusive marriage first. My family was dysfunctional too, but I got help and take medication that has turned my life around and allowed me to live with self respect and dignity. May God Bless You and hold you in his arms until you get the healing you need. Take care of yourself!

Answer 4

First of all, stop looking back. Looking back all the time will make you fall many times. Look forward, take a deep breath and look around you. There must be something that can make you smile, just for a moment. To forget the pain. Then, consult your local social services for free mental health. Most cities and counties have free facilities. Drugs is not the answer. Hope is. You need to find someone or something to feed you hope. God is there (here) and he wouldn't give you more than you can handle. This is a test of your faith. Make God proud for thanking him for what you do have which is life. No, dying is not the answer. Stand up. Be strong and pray.

Answer 5

I currently wish I had the guts to kill myself right now so i wouldn't keep breaking my family's heart
Don't you think that would break their heart more then anything else?
I did Meth for 10yrs cause I liked not caring about stuff, but now that I am clean and got my head straight I think.......WTF, I wasted 10yrs on dope
1. You need to GET OUT of the relationship you're in if its abusive
2. See a doctor for the depression(If you're that broke then get on medicaid)
3. Maybe you can move back home long enough to get back on your feet(As I don't know your family this is a suggestion)

Answer 6

The answer is one that you know already. You need to STOP taking ALL drugs and alcohol, walk away from all of your old friends AND the lifestyle AND the jerk that's abusing you. YES YOU CAN. I have done it and I know you can do it too. If you have to, sneak away when he's sleeping. Don't stay with him because of finances....put yourself out there and make yourself struggle to do better. You can do this. Be strong....I stayed in a shed of my mother's for 6 weeks. Since your family members are also substance abusers, DON'T go to them Get yourself clean first....stay in a shelter if you have to. PLEASE do this....and ASAP. You won't believe how much GOOD life there still is to live. And STOP blaming yourself. You're a victim and always have been, and now you need to take the reins and take charge of your life and NOT allow others to suck it away from you anymore. Good luck to you....and don't underestimate the healing effects of the Bible if you're into that...it can really help those who believe in God. Buy yourself a journal, and date it the day you WALK AWAY, and write in it EVERY DAY...about your journey to a better life.

Answer 7

Ok, this is what to do.
1) Get off the computer and go to your doctor or hospital and tell them what you just wrote here. They can get you the help you need. If you are broke, they can help with that through the Hill-Burton charity or through a sliding scale. Let them treat you.
2) Lose the abusive relationship. Do not see the person again and take out a restraining order if you have to.
3) Go to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and get some new, sober friends who can help you through this rough time.
Good luck; I will pray for you.

Answer 8

I've been in your situation it only gets better from here leave your husband you don't deserve to be abused no one does I learned that the hard way try for a better job or get two if possible never let a man run your life GOD will help have faith pray and if you need someone to talk to I'm here [e-mail] i'll talk to you any time don't do drugs they wont help face your problems hunny life isn't easy and don't harm yourself it only leaves scars you'll regret talk to your family or try I know what it's like to not get along with them and to feel alone but your not i'll be here for you ok i promise it's not your fault get out of the position your in now get help if you can but i'll help you the best i can ok...

Answer 9

Your family is right you know. You put yourself in this situation. The hurts and the pains you're going through are a direct result of your decisions. I'm sorry for your pain and pray that you find peace.

I'm sure a lot of this is venting your frusstration. Just letting everything out...which is a good thing to do. I'm not sure if anyone can really offer sound advice for your situation though.

You know better deep down that drugs, alcohol and hurting yourself is only going to maek matters worse so use your better judgment with that. I know it feels good for a short while but you're left feeling even worse when you come to your senses again.

As for God, he's been there the whole time as you were the one who turned your back to him. So often, even myself, we try to take on life our own way without God and when we get in trouble we get all mad at him for letting bad things happen. What you need to do is earnestly pray, not for your own reasons or wanting a solution, but to allow God to take care of things in his timing. There are people A LOT worse off then you. Remember that when you're going through these trials. People watching their children die in war ridden countries, people starving to death and so many terrible things one can go through. I dont want to limit the sincerity of the hardships you're facing but put into perspective that others would be fortunate in your circumstances.

I used to never beleive it, but I do now and I can honestly say that God has a purpose and will use every situation , good, bad or indifferent to make it something good for those who trust in him. Not everything that happens to us is good but God can use it to make something good out of it. Look at Joseph in the book of Genesis. His brothers plotted to kill him and sold him into slavery, God used that to make Joseph high in power so that he could save his family from a 7 year famine. It's amazing the harships he endured but he kept his faith knowing that God had something in store for him.

I'm praying for you and I hope that things turn around to shine a little hope on your way.

You can't take back yesterday but you can choose how right now and tomorrow will be. Don't be so wrapped up in the past that you forget to move forward. Life is a race and you have to keep running forward

Answer 10

I think you should be talking to people that have gone through what you are going thorough. Narcotic Anonymous group would be a good place to start. As far as God, I believe that God is here but within us and He put us here to learn how to overcome hardships - even ones as big as yours - and to find the strength within you. Sometimes you can't do it alone and that is when you need to reach out and seek the right kind of people to help you. Yahoo Answers is a first step for you and hopefully you will get many answers that will lead you down many more steps toward hope, recovery, happiness and strength. God Bless