Anyone have jokes suitable for radio broadcast?

Question

I like to use short jokes as fillers between music. Anyone have some suitable for radio? Best one gets 10 points. Must be clean.

Answer 1

Ok, I went in my email folder where I keep the jokes I like, so I'll give you ten short ones...

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten different puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Ok I have a bonus...

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Answer 2

these jokes i've heard on the radio here in San Francisco:

Q. How come witches don't wear underwear?
A. To get a better grip on the broomstick

Q. What do you say to a woman with two Black eyes?
A. Nothin, cuz you already told the biatch twice!

Answer 3

WHY was 6 afraid of 7?

cause 7 eight 9

Answer 4

here is one i found on funnyjunk.com, im not taking the credit.

M.J. fox has a short one
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one
Maddona does not have one
The pope has one but does not use it
Bill Clinton uses his all the time
what is it...


a last name

Answer 5

This old lady, had 2 rabbits that she loved dearly. They died which really upset her. She decided to take the to a taxidermist, to have them stuff. He asked her if she would like them stuffed and mounted, she replied No just shaking hands will do.

Answer 6

yes i do