Should I tell my friend she's fat?

Question

My best friend for the last 16 years has put on lots of weight since she got married. I had a baby and she looks like she did (that's what she said about herself). I just don't want to hurt her feelings. She knows she needs to lose weight. The thing is she doesn't realize just how big she’s gotten. She's 5"8' and weighs about 190 lbs, she is a size 14. She's not grossly fat but she needs to do something before it gets real bad. We have always been the same height and size, I'm about a size 8. I know our friendship could handle it even if she got upset with me. I just hate to make her feel bad about herself. She's asked me if I think she’s fat and I tend to avoid saying "yeah, you're getting real big" I just tell her that she's not as small as she used to be...things like that... what should I do?

She knows she's overweight but she doesn't see what I see. I have suggested that we work-out together but she lives about 1hr away from me these days and its hard to get together. Her husband has even been offering to be her work-out buddy...she claims to not have the time. I'm trying to be supportive without rubbing her weight issues in her face. I don't feel that I need to be a B**ch to her to be a good friend. I want to be tactful and honest in a kind way.

Look people, what it comes down to is that I'm worried about her health if she continues to gain weight. She doesn't over eat, she's just gaining weight. She says that it is genetics. The people in her family tend to begin gaining weight at her age...I suggested that she see her doctor and maybe get a thyroid test or something. To get some help but she won't listen. She could be 10000 lbs active and healthy for all I care its not her size that I'm worried about. I should have worded my question different. She shouldn't be gaining weight for no reason. I just feel that at this point she doesn't feel the need to do anything about it because she doesn't think she isn't that big..which shes not (yet)... So maybe if I tell her that "yeah, your getting fat" next time she asks then maybe that would be the push she needs.

I don't want to hurt her. I also don't want her to in 10 or 20 years (or sooner) to ask me why I wasn't honest with her. I think this is a no-win situation.

Yes, I do realize that the average size for women in the US is 14 but its not normal for her...

Answer 1

Let's be honest...this is really not your place to say "you need to lose weight!" You are not the weight police and telling your friend something she already knows is only going to strain your friendship (if you want to call it that). Personally, I believe friends accept you for who you are...faults and all. A friend does not tear you down to your face let alone behind your back (see above).

Believe me, she gets the lowdown from her doctor about her weight so she doesn't need to have a "friend" also nagging at her.

Answer 2

The trouble is that shes too younger to be "fats". I'm now not announcing its exceptional that she weighs 167 lbs, however its now not exceptional that while you input your youngster years, you develop out of such matters. Sometimes. The trouble is how is she going to take it? If she simply stops consuming or develops some other consuming ailment, then its worse than being simply chubby. But 10 12 months historical children do not see matters this fashion, its simplest common at this age to be overly involved considering you continue to shouldn't have standpoint, its now not approximately being mature, its approximately how lengthy you may have been in this earth. Solution: Don't lie, she already is aware of shes chubby, that is now not why she's asking. She as a rule wishes to do anything approximately it. Tell her to speak to her father and mother approximately it, and anything she comes to a decision to do, be a buddy and aid her.

Answer 3

Just keep doing what you are doing....taking it any further will hurt her feelings and what would it really accomplish, ya know? Chances are she already knows the answer and by asking you those questions is a way to make her feel better about herself and if you go to her and tell her how you truly view her it will devastate her. If she has gained weight she knows it!!!!! Just continue being a tried and true friend. I know you feel like you are being dishonest with her when you do not answer her truthfully when she asks but what you are doing is trying to avoid hurting her and killing what may be left of her self esteem and in my opinion that is a friend. Like I said earlier, she already knows the answers to her questions she is just looking to you for some kind of reassurance. Don't hurt her feelings, you will feel awful about it in the end and so will she.

Answer 4

and who in the h-- do u think u are you are so Darn stuck on yourself its not funny not everyone loosed baby fat and she counting as u 2 b her friend omg is she fooled i hope she wises up and drop u and never everrrr speaks to u again u looser...i can tell how much u value her friendship by her weight must really bug u huh to type it here u have really serious emotional problems leave it alone u must b a sick person with nut-tin better to do the hammer her go get a real life and try to think out side the box u bitty u r rude and stupid i am glad u r not my friend u 2 faced friend go eat something b happy ill bet your friends a happy person she sure will b when she crams u out yul to u bad girl's i hope u gain weight and stay FATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Answer 5

I'm sure she knows she's heavy. Anything you say to her is going to sound like you're rubbing it in. If she does ask you, tell her looks have nothing to do with your friendship. Maybe you could put kids in the stroller and go for walks together, or go bowling or something.

Answer 6

well I guess at 5-8 inches her weight is not that bad at all, but maybe its something else, is she continuously piling on the weight? then it could be a problem! yoyu should support her take her to the gym or running, but you need to tell her the truth before she goes overboard gd luk

Answer 7

i wouldn't tell her she's fat face to face but maybe you could do some hinting around. like maybe suggest going walking and you go with her and make it seem really positive. then try other things like biking, swimming, or [[things she enjoys]]. it could help her see that she's not in shape,and it could give her the movitation to get in shape.that you won't have put your friendship in danger. it could bonding moments too.
I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL!
xoxo

Answer 8

She can look in the mirror. Is she blind?


The average size american is a size 14.

Answer 9

You should be a real friend for once. No friend would even have to ask this question. I'm glad you aren't my friend.

Answer 10

Are you ashamed to be seen with her for fear it will damage YOUR reputation?
She's your friend....but who's friend are YOU???