Friend having an abortion....?

Question

A friend and co-worker is preg....the father works here too but doesn't know she is preg. they are moving in together in a few weeks...she knows he does not want anymore children (they are both divorced, he has 2 girls she has 1 son). I do not really like abortion....but she is going to get one without telling him...I offered to take her to the clinic Wednesday and be with her because no one else knows - - part of me feels guilty - part of me thinks I am being a supportive friend........what are your thoughts?

WOW didn't know I was going to cry about this - reading the answers so far has been kind of hard for me. Just further FYI. The father of the baby doesn't really like me. They were using BC - something went wrong. They are more than likely going to marry - she is going to get her tubes tied later. Yes, she feels if she tells him he will consider this a trap and she fears she will loose him. She doesn't want to carry the baby at all I guess.

I tell you one thing - being a woman would be HARD WORK. Haivng to make a choice like this, having periods and putting up with men!

I respect the heck out of you ladies.

And for the lady that said I was an accomplice to murder - I feel that way also, I really do.

Answer 1

You don't want to make this lady feel any more uncomfortable by telling her that you don't agree with abortion. No one really wants to have an abortion, but some people think that it is their best or only option. I am sure that this is decision is even more difficult for your friend, and I am sure that she has agonized and thought this out very well. Sometimes people see no other way out of such a situation. Be happy that she is not having a partial birth abortion and that she is doing this earlier in the pregnancy (I assume it is earlier because her boyfriend doesn't know about it...).

Your friend is going through a lot, and she needs you to at least be there for her whether you agree with abortion or not. If her boyfriend isn't even there for her through this process, at least you are!

Yes, you will feel guilty about it, but no matter how guilty you feel, you are helping out a friend, and she feels hundreds times more guilty than you. In my opinion, you are doing the right thing. Why should she have a kid that she doesn't want? Think of the psychological effects that could have on a kid with parents who constantly reminded him that he isn't wanted.

Answer 2

First of all they created this life together!! It takes two to tango....if they didn't want more kids they should have thought about the consequences before jumping in the bed. Abortion in my eyes is murder that is a LIFE. Some people aren't so lucky as to just get pregnant right off the bat or the ones that go all their life without getting the chance to have children. These are babies that could be put up for adoption it takes years for people to adopt because it's not a choosen option alot these days people are more for killing because they care too much what other people think but yet they didn't think what others would think when they were getting pleasure. To have a child is a TRUE GIFT not a burden. Do not encourage this abortion instead encourage adoption if they are still too good to keep this baby because of their image.

Answer 3

Oddly enough I was faced with the same "problem" as your friend. A women and I met here at work and we fell madly in love with each other. Both of us are older(52 for me and 48 for her). I already had 4 children from my first marriage. She had none.

She had never been married, my first wife passed away from cancer. Late March my girlfreind discovered she was pregnant. She was petrified to tell me as her doctor said she couldn't get pregnant because she had stopped ovulating.

We were fortunate enough that she told me before doing something she would have regretted. We have since married. We do love each other so very much. Our main concern when she discovered she was pregnant was Downs Syndrome. We are doubly fortunate in that the baby is perfect.

My children are excited about having a new sibling. The two of us are really excited about the baby coming as well.

I think you are doing a marvelous thing. You are supporting your freind. The trouble is I think you need to have your friend point out to her boyfreind that she is pregnant. He has a right to know and I would bet that if he knew that she was pregnant things might be a little different.

Abortion is wrong pure and simply. I do not condem your freind for doing what she feels is right. It is her choice. But I know 2 or 3 years down the road she will regret having made this decision and I would venture to guess it would be a major problem for her happiness with her new partner.

Answer 4

YOu are a good friend. That is all there is to it. This decision is the mothers and that's the fact. Anyone who critizes her for this action has obviously never been in a situation that required this kind of thought.
I have been here several times with friends of mine. It is generally the hardest decision they will ever make. An unwanted pregnancy is extremely hard to cope with. Some times it is just better to send the infant back to God and let him send it to another couple who want it rather than carry it, hating it every second of the pregnancy (which will transfer to the baby and could cause problems with behaviour) and then ahving to deal with giving it up for adoption only to find several years later the this person shows up at your door wanting to know why you gave them up and calling you Mom. The second situation could be catastrophic for a marriage and a life in general.
Respect her decision and support her. That is all you can do.

Answer 5

It's not your secret to tell the father but try to talk her into telling him. Ask her why she is moving in with a man whom she isn't willing to share something like a pregnancy with. This is a big decision (in my opinion murder) and she shouldn't be making it alone. Maybe if the father knew he would change his mind and want to keep the baby. Or at least she could give the baby up for adoption. She should be sharing this with the father. Why doesn't she trust him? Why is she moving in with some one she doesn't trust. You are being a supportive friend but at the same time do you really want to be a part of this murder? Try to talk her out of it. I am praying for you and your friend and especially the baby.

Answer 6

I had my child murdered by abortion and I really feel strongly for the father. He doesn't even know he is about to be the victim of such a crime. I knew and could not do anything about it. the mother has all the rights and can make the choice without telling the father. I am in tears now for the father. I know you are stuck because you want to help your friend. she needs support but she has no idea how much guilt she will carry for the rest of her life. Her relationship with this man will not last. Because her guilt will not allow it to. She will have this ache of loss for what could have been forever. If she is determined to do this she needs to be aware that she will need to go get counseling for it with in a year after wards. 90 % of women who have abortions have regrets and many have to go through years of therapy to come to grips with it.

Men have no rights to their unborn children. I will pray for her soul.

Answer 7

You should feel guilty! Encourage her to put the baby up for adoption. If you don't do anything you will wish you did later on in life and it will haunt you. Let her know how it may affect her later and that there are ALOT of women out there who can't have babies who would love to have one like hers. If you change her mind you can feel good that you gave this child a chance at a life that it so very well deserves.

Answer 8

The father has a right to know about the pregnancy whether he wanted another child or not. He should have been more precautious. The mother should ask herself if she wants another child, not deciding on the abortion because he doesn't want one. Be a supportive friend by keeping confidence, but talk your friend into including the father in this decision. Adoption is another alternative.

Answer 9

okay first off...i have been in the same boat. I hope never to be in a situation where i would have to make that decision. My best friend did make that decision, but i stood by her and took her to the doctor's office. (yeah i know, i remember standing outside with my church group protesting the girls that went in back when i was younger)

I do recommend to talk to your friend about telling her partner. All emotions aside, he does have a right to know despite his feelings on having a baby especially since they seem to be commited to each other by moving in together. If this was a one night stand or someone she wasn't going to continue the relationship with, then by all means there is no reason to tell him. She needs to be able to trust him. If she didn't, then why is she moving in with him?

however, it is still not YOUR job to say anything. Be there, be her friend. there's nothing wrong with it.

And not to be a smarta$$, but if he was really serious about not having kids, then he should get fixed!

Answer 10

Is she worried that having a baby will destroy her relationship? Doesn't she think not telling him and having an abortion will be just as bad? If he didn't want more children, I hope he was using birth control. I think her boyfriend ought to be given the opprotunity to react to the news before anyone else was asked to provide emotional support.