Daughter "fired" me. I'm so sad, what would u do?

Question

My 15 yo daughter was sad, adolescence anguish, and asked for the help of a teacher she likes much and is a kin of her confident. She is a very nice woman and hepled my daughter, but when I got to knwow I got really said and told my girl Oh, so you fired me from my mom functions? I'm not good any more to give you love, advice, support ? A stranger took my place, She hugged me , gave a lot of kisses, said No way mom, I love you, no one can replace you, it's just that sometimes we need to talk to someone not so involved, we need a second opinion, , etc. But I was down and even cried, My girl comforted me, was wonderful, and even said laughing Mom in this house the teen is me, not you! I had to laugh. But Im still sad and upset, am I losing my girl? ,

Answer 1

Now don't make me cry, mom, 'cause I've got two girls of my own -- and a little boy.

Unfortunately she's right, there are times when a perspective that is not involved and protective is more necessary than the loving, "I will beat someone's behind if they look at you crosseyed" type answers that parents tend to give.

And your girl talked to you, comforted you and gave you hugs and kisses too? You have OBVIOUSLY done right in how you've raised this girl, so try to give her space to grow up the rest of the way and find some ADDITIONAL -- not new, but additional -- female role models that she can emulate.

Get to know this woman that she confides in. Find out what she's all about, not in a snooping way, but you want to make sure that her values match your values so that you know that she is giving your baby the RIGHT kind of counsel.

Good luck, mom, and remember, if you like this lady that she confides in, it's because her role model is already someone like you.

Answer 2

Anne,

You're not losing your girl at all, it sounds like you have a very loving daughter, one who is very mature and understanding and one you should be immensely proud of.

Sometimes we find it easier to talk to people outside our immediate family and when I was around your daughter's age (I guess I'm nearer your age now) I confided in teachers and friends and I'm sure many people do likewise.

This isn't by any means a bad reflection on the parent, it's just sometimes easier and more acceptable to the child to talk to an 'outsider'.

Both you and your daughter obviously think the world of each other and I'd hate for you to be upset over something that is perfectly normal behavior.

In this world there is no better person than a loving mother to provide love, advice and support and not only are you doing this wonderfully but your daughter recognizes and appreciates what you are doing. You must be performing your mom functions brilliantly if a teen is able to pick up on this and can talk so candidly with you.

Your daughter thinks the world of you but as she explained, sometimes we need to talk to someone not so involved - it's human nature.

Best wishes to both of you.

Answer 3

Touching ;;) No of course you're not losing your girl. She's growing up, and I would say showing some real fine communication skills too for a girl her age.
Teachers, grandparents and other relatives are all a part of the legitimate family support system that a child needs to grow well.

Answer 4

I think its very normal for a 15 yr old to want to talk to someone else besides their mother. I think you are putting way to much pressure on her by saying the things you said to her. The proof is that your own 15 yr old is reminding you that she is the teen. You cant put this much stress and guilt on her. You cant cry to her about this or let her know it bothers you. There is nothing wrong with what she is doing. You are not loosing her, she's just growing up.

Answer 5

This behavior is very common and you shouldn't make your daughter feel bad about her confiding in someone else. Afterall, wouldn't it be kind of weird if she told YOU everything?! Many kids would rather speak to someone other than their parents not because they love their parents less or trust them less, but because it is almost less embarrassing to ask someone else b/c they are not family....Your daughter had a perfect answer saying that they are not so involved so she got advice from them. You should be happy that she has someone like that who she can trust.

Answer 6

You should feel lucky that your daughter has a teacher like that. It is important for kids to have a handful of trusted adults to go to. I think the way you acted may have made your daughter feel guilty, which could be bad. Your daughter is growing up, and you must realize that it is only natural for her to have more and more secrets. It doesn't mean you are losing her. It just means that you relationship is evolving, which is natural.

Answer 7

Yeah, it happens. Don't feel fired though. It sounds like your daughter is wonderful (YOUR credit!) and loves you very much. Don't worry so much. And be glad she is seeking counsel from an adult you respect. This phase doesn't last. It will turn around quickly, and if you have maintained a great relationship with her then when she's an adult, she will be your very good friend in addition to being your daughter.

Answer 8

Not losing her, just she is growing up and you should be proud of that, You did that, you gave her life, you shaped the way she thinks. Sounds like she is maturing and wanting to make her on decisions. You will always be Mom. Good luck.

Answer 9

From what you said, your daughter obviously cares about you. Just because she formed a close bond with another adult doesn't mean she "forgot" you - she CAN know more than one person than you, you know!

A lot of moms have empty nest syndrome at about that age; your daughter is growing up and associating with people other than you. Let her explore, and in the meantime take up a hobby or go out with your own friends.

Answer 10

As a teacher I can tell you we often have children come to us for support. You are in no means being replaced. I, nor any teacher, are the parents of our students. However, we are there if they want an ear to listen. If a concern is drastically important, then they are referred to other sources. You are the love of their life. Not the teacher.