do you have any jokes?

Question

they can be as DIRTY AS YOU WANT, thats what i'm looking for. dirtiest gets 10 pts.!

Answer 1

a white horse fell in the mud

Answer 2

You are really in the market to get busted aren't you.
You can't tell dirty jokes on here and someone not report you for abuse. There are people who just sit all day and look for questions like this. Check out some other place to do this kind of stuff, it is not allowed here okay?

Answer 3

A girl from Tennessee and a girl from Michigan were seated side by side on an airplane.

The girl from Tennessee, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya from?"

The Michigan girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Tennessee sat quietly for a few moments and then replied:

"So, where ya from, *****?"

Answer 4

Boring

Answer 5

what's red and looks like a bucket?
a red bucket.

a panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. when the waiter comes to his table with the bill, the panda shoots it and begins to walk out. the manager runs up to the panda bear ans says:
"Hey! What's the big idea? you eat my food, shoot my waiter and walk away without paying? who do you think you are?"
The panda says:
"Hey, I'm a panda, look it up."
So the manger looks up panda bears in the encyclopedia and reads: 'The panda is native to central Asia and is easily recognized by its black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.'

Answer 6

~MY FIRST EXPERIENCE

The sky was dark, the moon was high
We were alone just her and I.
Her hair was brown, her eyes were blue
I just knew what she wanted to do.
So, with some courage I did my best
and placed my head upon her breast.
Her face was good, her body was fine
I ran my hand down her spine.
She trembled and shook, I felt her heart
She spread her legs...slowly apart!
I knew she was ready, but I didn't know how
Because this was my first experience milking a cow!!! ~

Answer 7

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 8

It's an old one but i think you will like it.

At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he'd like to go out for a drink.

Spiderman replies "No, I have to repair my web spinner."

So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends and they're all busy. He decides in the end to go for a quick super-fly around the world to clear his mind before bed time.

As he passes over Wonder-Woman's mansion he sees her lying naked and spread eagle next to her pool.

Hmmm he thinks, with my super powers I'll fly down for a quickie and before she realizes I'll be gone.

So he swoops down and "WHAM BAM thank you maam" and he's gone.

Wonder- Woman shreiks "What was that?"

And the invisible man cries "I don't know, but I've sure got a sore ***!!!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a couple going at it for the first time, and after a while, the guy asks the woman to open her legs a little wider.

She does and they continue.

A few minutes go by and he tells her again, "Open your legs a little wider."

She does, then he says again, "A little wider, hon."

The woman starts getting pissed off but she does it.

This continues until he asks again, "Can you open them just a little wider?"

So she finally yells, "What are you trying to do; get your balls in too?"

He says "No, I'm trying to get them out."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom.

He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.

Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.

"How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over and complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for 15 years and I wasn't about to start now!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square.

The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square.

One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?"

The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up and down.

"It's about 2:00", he says.

The tourist can't believe what he just saw.

He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story,

"The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!"

One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2:05.p.m.

He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done.

He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals.

The local says "Sit down here and grab the camel's genitals". "Now, lift them up in the air.

Now, look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard, where that clock is hanging on the wall."

Answer 9

go to www.thejokeyard.com they have all kinds of jokes