Should I get mad that my husband looks at porn when I am at work??

Question

He looks at it sometimes when I am at work. We have sex ALL the time!!! I mean I give oral almost every time before sex and sometimes I finish that and not even sex. I love giving him his needs and sees that he is satified as he does the same for me. We have had this problem in the past and we split up b/c of it. Then we got back together and he had changed....well, same problem has happened again twice. So, we talked about it and he realizes what it does to me. its not that I am insecure...maybe its that he is getting off to someone else besides me.....that is what I am for. It's like "Baby, tell me what you want and I will give it to you" I am not ugly at all. I make myself feel better by keeping a good figure, nails done, and tanning! So WHY do men do this if they are getting everything they need from there woman?? Is it boredom? Or just a man thing??

Answer 1

Many men do like to look at porn - more than women in general. But 'all the time & have broken up over it & he still can't control himself' sounds like an addiction problem. And you may be an enabler, if you believe saying "tell me what you want & I will give it to you" will fix the problem. Seek professional counseling with a therapist that specializes in sex & addictions is my advice to salvage your relationship. Good luck!

Answer 2

NO DONT ME MAD, IT SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP ISSUE FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, HE IS NOT BORED (OR AT WORK HE MIGHT BE), AND YES, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT IT IS A MAN THING WHICH HAS BEEN WITH EACH AND EVERY MAN SINCE BEFORE PUBERTY STARTED AND THEY THINK NOTHING OF IT, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU NOT FULFILLING HIS NEEDS OR BEING UNATTRACTIVE.


Sorry about the caps, its just that i feel the need to constantly elucidate this issue. Men cannot stop, half of the time they are fantasizing about YOU anyway, and if they really werent interested in you, don't you think he'd go for 'another REAL WOMAN', if his needs weren't being met - so there...there must be something special to this 'porn' thing eh? Its completely natural. Hope this helps.

BUT OK...wait now that I have read you broke up because of it, and he continued, Don't break up again - porn can be an addiction in some severe cases, and he may actually need therapy if he is UNABLE to stop even if you FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT IT - so keeping everything else i have said in mind, find him some help if you think your marriage needs it.

Answer 3

I would be upset, yes. Something about looking at porn makes you want to look more and more and more. And the images in porn are nothing like the real thing he's getting at home. He gets to see from angles not possible when really there, and a lot of times the positions and what's happening (threesomes and such) don't work in reality. It gets to where the real thing won't turn him on anymore, just the porn. He'll get used to seeing these perfect women romping around in perfect makeup, done hair and the like. It's just too graphic, too. He will get desensitized to it.

Don't blame yourself for his problem. The only thing you should probably do is lay down the law that you don't want him to do it anymore. But since you've taken him back twice and allowed it, he may not believe you. You will have to stand your ground and proove to him you mean it. But it's certainly not that you're not enough. He has an addiction, and it wouldn't matter who he was with, he'd still look. It's kind of like Lays potato chips, you know, 'bet you can't eat just one?'.

A porn addiction is VERY hard to break, and he will likely need help. B/C even when you stop looking at porn, those images you've already seen are still in your head for you to look at. You can't get away from them. A big part of porn is sexual perversion (for example, sites showing sex with animals, or 'fisting', incest, children,) and it gets inside you and is hard to shake loose. Looking at porn makes your mind think of sex much more than normal, and raises it to a more prominent place than it deserves, so no matter HOW much you please him, it won't matter. He'll still be thinking about it.

Answer 4

Males are very visual oriented. IMO they think sex is sex & has nothing to do with emotion or love & everything to do with the feel good release. It can also be an addiction. The porn stimulates him. Let him have at it. As long as it isn't child oriented or really perverted porn. Maybe it'll tire him out a little & give you a break from all that oral. Or ask him to finish you first each time before you help him out maybe that will help him to understand you.

Answer 5

Pornography is addicting, and has been compared to drug addiction. The difference being that you cannot detox from pornography. Images stay in your head, and cannot be removed. Images have longer effects on your mind than anything in your bloodstream. Can you not remember something you seen on television 10-20 years ago, clear as day? A picture in a magazine, etc.

This is why advertising is done with pictures, billboards, magazine ads, pictures have impact.

It may be best to remove internet access at home or at least password protect the access to it so he can only use it when you are home. Put the computer in a public place where he will not feel "safe" to look at pornography. Do you have children? Be concerned that they may come across the same images he is looking at.

It is difficult to break, but like any addiction there can be relapses. Do what you can to prevent it.

Answer 6

The way I look at it, if your man is looking at porn ever if you are having incredible sex together, means he isn't satisfied enough. My rule at my home is if I find a prono book, it becomes a bonfire in the middle of my yard. Men can be such pigs, it seems like they are never satified enough so they gotta keep looking at other women which makes us women (not all but many) feel insecure about ourselves and our sexuality. Find his stuff and make a bonfire. I told my man that if I found another nast magazine, I not only would burn the magazine in the bonfire, so will all his clothes. Good luck. Oh yeah, I got back at my man once, when he thought he had hid a magazine, I went out and bought a men's magazine and replace his with the men one. I do believe he got my message.

Answer 7

As long as he doesn't do it all day I think it's perfectly normal. My fiance does that too sometimes and it use to bother me but it doesn't any more. I realized that no matter how much you satisfy your man he is always going to want to look at other women, whether it's in a porno or the girl walking down the street. Don't take it personal, he's not looking because your ugly or he doesn't love you, he's looking because men are very visual unlike woman. Women need to be more emotionally and intellectually stimulated to be aroused, while men just need to see you bending over. Women take arousal and sex more seriously because they feel more emotion, but men don't so it's really not a big deal for him to look at a couple of naked girls. He's not looking at these women and wanting to be married to them or have a emotional relationship with them. It's purely for fun and to arose him. With this in mind maybe you should try looking at it with him, there are guys in porn too. The fact that it turns you on to watch it with him will make him want you even more. Banish your insecurities and realize that it's not you it's his penis.

Answer 8

Yes, if he respect you and your relationship then he wouldn't feel the need to look at porn. I would get rid of the computer, and if you need it for your children or for your work then put a lock on it so only you can get on it and let others use it while you are present. Usually this type of behavior leads to affairs, and how can you trust him if he refuses to stop looking at porn on the Internet, especially if you are satisfying him sexually. He is being a jerk and if you don't do something drastic about it, it will only get worst for you. Maybe he should get a job, it sounds like he has too much time on his hands. If he is bored and your the only one working then he should be looking for a job, and when he is not then maybe invest in video games, or have him do house/yard work.

Answer 9

Tell you the truth there are quite a few reasons why a man looks at porn. If he hasnt been in the mood or if he feels he hasnt satisfied you to HIS own satisfaction he may look at porn to get a few Ideas. Another reason why he may look at porn while youre at work is for the simple reason he may feel sexual while youre at work and simply cannot wait until you are off. Of course that one comes to those who have insatiable appetites for sex. (like myelf --laughs-- ) Back on track. It could also be because He feels he is lacking something or wants something that he cannot have or wants and can have but is unsure of (i.e. a larger penis or flexibility) but all in all if you really want to be sure you should really ask him.

Answer 10

Stop. Relax. Breathe in, breathe out.
Lookit......it....doesn't.....mean.....anything.
Just let him do it. It's GREAT you're meeting his needs, and you are, really. He just gets off on variety is all. You're taking this WAY too personally. I wish my wife was OK with porn.
Is he having an affair? Apparently not. Is he into really, really sick, perverted stuff? Not that I can tell. And even if he was curious to look at it, as long as he's not doing it. Is he looking at child porn? If not, he's not breaking any laws unless they're local. Is he hiring prostitutes? It doesn't sound like it to me.
Look, it sounds to me like your husband loves you and you're giving him what he mostly needs. If he's just gotta look at porn, he's curious. Occasionally I do, too. I can't sit here and explain why. I just WANT to. It's hot. It's interesting. It's almost like sometimes we have to. I wish my wife would not only let me, but would sit down with me and watch it together. Other than what your religions might say......can you give me ONE good reason why he shouldn't and why you shouldn't let him? Why don't you do a complete 180? Why don't you say......"honey, I really don't understand why you need to do this. But....I'm willing to accept it if you're willing to no longer hide it. Why don't we try watching it together and see what it does for us as a couple."
I think it would really improve things. If my wife would do that with me she'd get it so hard so often we'd both have trouble walking. :) Chill. He loves you. Let is spice you up a bit.