How do you handle terrible twos temper tantrums?

Question

My little toddler throws himself on the floor when his requests are denied (for good reason of course)

I get nervous when he screams and I try to get him to calm down by speaking calmly and saying things like "mama said be good" "stop" "its ok" "mama loves you please dont scream at mama" but he is bright red mad at mama and I get nervous and I dont want him to hurt himself but then he starts kicking and making his body "protester" heavy. I dont know what to do. His dad said to ignore him. (but i cant because Im scared he can hurt his head during his little rage) I dunno what to do. Do I leave him alone crying? Please help. He is a good boy 90 % of the time.

Answer 1

Get used to it and ignore it...my pediatrician told me that the child will never intentionally hurt himself and if it hurts him at all by accident he will stop doing it or atleast change the strategy.....my son is now 4 but when he was 2 he would intentionally square up with the floor and bang his head on it really hard if he didnt get his own way...i noticed that he usually chose carpet for the hard banging and banged a little easier on the linoleum all that changed one day when he didnt get his way at wal-mart and he squared up with the concrete floor (i told him you better not do it you are not going to like it at all) he did it anyways and that was the last time he ever banged his head on the floors.....IGNORE HIM, WATCH HIM BUT DONT GIVE IN TO HIM

Answer 2

What sets him off? Maybe you can avoid some situations.

Before going into a store tell him if he's a good boy he'll get a lollipop afterwards. Remind him occasionally in the store.

At home try to be a step ahead of him. You know what he wants...so prepare him. If he wants a toy that he should not get, tell him the toy is sleeping; BEFORE he even asks for it.

Put him in a high chair away from the dinner table, if he acts up while others are eating. Feed him first and alone.

The terrible two's end when he's 3 ( obviously.)..and then you can start leading a half way normal life.

Hope these tips helped.

Answer 3

If you can, ignoring him would be the best. You could even tell him, "It's not working, Mama will talk to you again once you calm down" and walk away. Not far, mind you, but so he does not think he has an audience to perform to, because that is just what he is doing. He knows you will coddle him and get him to stop crying. Tell him firmly, "This is not acceptable behavior. It is not working" and let him cry himself out. He won't hurt himself. Just make certain he is not anywhere he could bump into things or fall down steps, or anything like that. My daughter did that for about 2 months, but this way of dealing with it really made it stop.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Completely ignore him. When he throws a temper tantrum, he's seeking attention (good, bad or other) and by spanking him, talking calmy to him (like you do), trying to reason with him, or any other form of attention, you're giving him what he wants. My pediatrician recommended this, and my older son is now 29 months old. His temper tantrums have mostly stopped because of this, I believe. When he starts, walk away. Don't talk to him, don't offer him anything (candy) to calm him down, don't swat his behind, don't even LOOK at him...just go on about your business and pretend he's not there. He'll probably kick and scream for a while longer (could be 15 seconds, could be 15 minutes) but eventually, when he realizes he's not getting his way, he'll stop.

Answer 5

"I get nervous when he screams"

your son can sense that a mile away. he's not trying to be manipulative, it's just that it works to get him what he wants - so why fix what's broken, right?

maybe you could just accept that he's gonna have a minimum of three tantrums a day. that way you're not freaked out when they happen, and you can get some emotional distance to figure out how you want to handle it. that way you know they're coming.

first thing is try to head him off at the pass. instead of just saying "no", find a way to distract him at the same time, if you can.

make sure you keep him fed, rested, etc. sometimes tantrums can happen (or be made worse) when kids are hungry or tired.

sometimes they get frustrated because they can't communicate effectively. you might try some basic sign language (signing time videos ROCK.)

and if he insists on freaking out, well, put him in the middle of the room, say, "darling, i love you, but i'm not playing with you when you're mean and nasty. come see me when you want to be sweet and nice."

then leave.

check your watch after a couple of minutes. the only time you should go back is if he's actually making himself sick. (it happens.)

otherwise, keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

if he can manage to blurt "mama!" and want to come to you, you could comfort him then. not until he stops the screaming, though.

good luck. it's hard, i know.

Answer 6

Ignoring him is the best way. If absolutely necessary clear the way for him to throw his tantrum safely and then WALK AWAY!. Did you ever see that Funniest home video where the toddler threw himself down on the floor and started crying until he realized there was no one there. Went looking for the person with the camera and as soon as he saw it, threw himself down again? This happened over and over. The more attention you give him, the higher the likelihood he will repeat the behavior. It is ALL about the attention.

Answer 7

I think your doing the right things, but do you have a time out area? Our daughter can be the same way. She will get really upset if we take away something she shouldn't have, don't let her have something she wants, or basically don't let her have her way all the time. We always talk very calmly to her and ask for her to settle. If that doesn't work, we do alittle tough love and say we are sorry and go about our business. If that doesn't do it we tell her she will have to go to the time out chair until she can calm down. If that doesn't do it, we sit her in the time out chair. She has to sit. This takes some time, but eventually they learn to sit. She is not allowed to get up until she has calmed down. We then tell her why she was there again, tell her we love her, and get a hug. It has worked with us. Just the threat of the time out works about 50% of the time. Good Luck

Answer 8

let him let 'er rip - and leave him alone. As in ignore him! Tantrums are used to get attention, which is exactly what you are giving him.
I have 3 teenagers, all of whom had only one tantrum.
1) My son held his 1st tantrum in the store after I denied getting him something - I had warned him that if he became unreasonable we would leave the store and go home, his tantrum ensued shortly thereafter - I dropped everything calmly and without a word, left my cart in the isle and walked him out to the car and drove home. He never had a tantrum again because he knew I meant business.
2) I can't even remember what my middle daughter did, she's pretty stable so it must not have been a traumatic tantrum..:)
3) my third (daughter) had a tantrum in our kitchen - I told her flat out I was going downstairs and when she was finished screaming I would talk to her. She continued for some time. when she finished she was exhausted, and I said to her "are you finished now" and she said NO! and started again. I said, well, when you are finished let me know and we will talk. She was only 21/2.
The only thing you are responsible for is to ensure that the child will not hurt themselves - but otherwise I'm telling you - ignore them. They will get it soon enough that it doesn't faze you and that your discipline means business.
PS, after the tantrums were done, I spoke to my children, again in calm voice, and told them that that behaviour is unacceptable and that I knew that it wasn't really the sweet little children I knew them to be. All was forgiven and hugs ensued.
PSS - I would also lose the third party jargon (ie mommy says), they know who you are - the important thing for them to know at this age, is that you are in charge. :)

Answer 9

They learn very early how to push your buttons. Hubby is right. You can keep him from injuring himself, but other than that, don't react at all. Don't say a word. You can tough it out. You have to be the grown up and stand your ground. And when he does it in public, if you can't handle the stares of people who probably caved in to every whimper their kids ever made and now have 35 year olds still living it home or are visiting them in prison just abandon your shopping cart and remove him from the store and take him straight home. I only had to do this twice before my kids understood that if they behaved that way the shopping trip was over. Taking a hard line stance is much easier while they're young. Good luck.

Answer 10

This is totally normal two year old behavior! However you are encouraging it. When he throws a fit at home you say, "Mm-hmm, okay that's nice," and ignore him. He needs to understand that throwing a fit will neither get him what he wants, nor is it an acceptable behavior.

You are worried he will hurt himself, and he might. But not seriously. He might hit himself or what have you, but nature is very good at teaching him not to do that again. He will not be harmed.

Your husbend is basically right. When he is throwing a fit, ignore him. It is called tough love and it is tough on everyone, but unless you want a ten year old still throwing fits, you need to do it.