She has an argument about everything, refuses to help in situations where help is obviously needed. ie.. I was carrying a heavy load to the car, she passed by me & when I asked for help, she would not help.
I tend to get angry with her. Perhaps this is my problem??
Am I expecting too much... her 10yr old sister seems to want to help, everyone. She sees things that need to be done, & is a joy.
2006-08-07 06:58:49 · 13 answers · asked by nannypj_2000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is 12 and on the brink of becoming a teenager, and we all know how teenagers can behave. Some of them are good people and willing to help at all costs, but others tend to become a little self-centered. She should have helped you for sure, that is just a matter of respect. You should not necessarily expect the help, but when asked, you should have expected her to help. She needs to respect you and other adults when asked to do something, remember she is 12 not 20, so listening to an adult is going to be a part of her life and will be until she is really a grown up. I would be angry too, as I said, it all has to do with respect, and I think you should demand respect from her.
2006-08-07 07:14:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not you; people seem born with a basic nature. Our oldest daughter was like that as a kid. She's had a rough life and is only now realizing that most of her problems were her own fault. She also admits that jealousy was a major factor. Apparently until she had children (two boys) she couldn't understand that a mother really could love more than one child. Her younger sister tried so hard to compensate that it was hard on her too.
Interestingly, our grandsons are both well-mannered and a helpful joy, as you say. It's hard to know how to react to this. Even the standard stuff about positive reinforcement seems to backfire. I wonder if spending some time with her alone and trying to treat her as a young woman rather than a child would trigger any behavior changes.
12 is such a horrible age. If she wasn't always this way maybe it's a phase. Are there any opportunities for her to serve outside the family (church groups, community activities) where she might find satisfaction in selflessness? She may just be rebelling against family.
2006-08-07 14:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by Daphne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a class fails to get laurels in the board exam it is the teacher who is be faulted never the students. If an army platoon fails in a task it is the Captain who is to take the rap not the soldier. It is too much to expect a 12 year old girl to be selfless and behave as a matured person. On the contrary how many of us grown ups behave in most selfish way? Therefore I do not blame the girl but the grandpa whose teaching has not been effective. She will grow up and learn.
2006-08-07 14:09:57 · answer #3 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people are different. maybe she has some personal issues that lead her to that behavior. the important thing is that you wouldn't say to her things like, "why can't you be more like your sister", because that would only lead to resentment and have the opposite effect of what you're trying to achieve. maybe she feels like you don't think that she is as much of a joy as her sister (regardless of whether or not this is actually true). you could try and talk to her without saying things like "you seem self-centered". see if she has any other problems she'd like to discuss. try to gain her respect.
good luck.
2006-08-07 14:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by kittens 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might also be that she is becoming a teenager and has an attitude about everything like most teens. I'm pretty helpful with stuff like that and I'm 13, I'm not one to jump and help people but if they ask, or I can tell they need it, I'll help
2006-08-07 14:07:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes 12, and trying to be independent and "rebel". Im the same age! Its just a stage she'll get over herself!
2006-08-07 14:03:32 · answer #6 · answered by Momoko Ichigo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just part of growing up. But try this when she wants some thing ignore her or dont buy her nothing until she earns it. That worked with my son, now when he wants something he's always saying can I help you with something...
2006-08-07 14:09:45 · answer #7 · answered by Medical Assistant 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is in a rebellious stage of adolesence. It will pass, but you also need to work with her, maybe reward her for helping. Postive reinforcement.
2006-08-07 14:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by lupering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are what their parents raise them to be. SHe must have learned to be that way at home.Or that mom and dad didn't bother to notice that she was behaving this way or simply ignored it. talk to her maybe she'll change. SHe 's still young enoughto be molded.
2006-08-07 14:10:32 · answer #9 · answered by bella_mexicana_rellena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the little girl's astro sign? That could have something to do with it.
2006-08-07 14:03:27 · answer #10 · answered by leavemebe_11 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋