how do i try to heal my realationship with my mom even though it has been fallin apart since i was?

Question

i am seventeen now and me and my mom don't even talk well for one she is an alcholic and the reason i don't talk to her is because i am just scared to get hurt again because she has hurt me so many times and brakes plans and lies to me alot and i really can't handle it any more

Answer 1

If you've never been to an Alateen meeting, you should. I had the same situation with my Mom, and being around others going through the same thing really, really helped me. You may not be perfect, but what's happening with you and your Mom is not your fault. Alcohol is ruthless and relentless. It turns otherwise nice people into monsters. Please...call an AA office near you and find out where there's an Alateen meeting.

Answer 2

I'm 33 and my mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, but it's gotten really bad in the last ten years. Our relationship is so strained it's painful. We don't have much contact anymore either. She's sober this month, but I have a feeling it won't stay like that. I've just had enough that I've had to turn my back on her and it hurts. You have every right to feel exactly the way you do. There is nothing you can do if the alcohol has a hold of her. She needs to get sober and stay that way and she has to do it for herself. It's so hard, I know. Make yourself, happy. I'd definitely reccomend al-anon for you. There's even meetings online. I've never gone but I've heard good things about them. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Alcoholism is a disease and you only get one mother once she is gone you may regret your decision. You do not have to agree or even like what she does but in order to have a relationship you have to overlook things and except you can not change things. When she cancels tell the truth that you are disappointed and hurt. When she lies do not confront her just realize people lie for a reason does not mean it is right. Join the family of alcoholics group it will help you. Just be a good person and accept your mother is who she is and you have to except that.

Answer 4

I suggest you see a counselor to help you with problems, not only will it help you with the problem with your mom, but other aspects of your life that are affected by your mom's behavior. That would be my first suggestion. I have a drug adict uncle and aunt who have recently started using again and its been so hard on me because they were clean for 5 yrs together and they were my favorite aunt and uncle because they were so fun and nice. Its hard for me now because I dont see them anymore bcuz they use drugs now. I have started going to a counselor and she is really helping me through my issues. Did you know 75% of people go to a counselor or therapist at least once in their life? It works and going doesnt mean you are a freak. It means you are human!

my second suggestion is to talk with her, if you really want the relationship to work. tell her you dont want to keep getting hurt and that its unfair to you. hopefully she will understand.

Answer 5

Well it takes TWO to make a relationship work. If she's not in recovery than I wouldn't try to heal the relationship right now because Alcohol is her first and only love at this time. Once she is in recovery, she will be able to try a relationship with you.
And alot of times, parents are set in their ways they will always see you as wrong because you are their child- I have never mended my relationship with my mom because she refuses counseling. A counselor told me, it takes TWO to dance, it takes TWO to fight, it takes TWO to make a relationship work. And if she's not willing to dance than you're sh*t out of luck.
I say wait for her to have found herself because until she loves herself, she can't love you.

Answer 6

your mom needs a program to stop drinking...and no healing can begin unless she wants to get that help. bottom line. it is sad but true, they do have al-anon for family members of alcholics, to help with your bruised heart and mind. My relationship with my mom has always been strained. (because of her selfishness and alcoholism). She never quit drinking. I was once your age, and now I am 34. so, i have been where you are.

Answer 7

Until your mother decides to stop drinking, there really is no point. *shrugs* And she has to decide that on her own. You cannot help someone who does not wish to be helped. Distance yourself as quickly and completely as you can. There's no need for your life to be ruined by her problems. If you have another relative that you can talk to, do it and get out. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

You have to do what is right for you! My mother was an alcoholic while I was growing up, too. She is since recovered and we have a pretty good relationship now. But it was her that made the change. My niece's mom is the same way and she had to finally cut the tie she had with her mom for good-She has'nt spoken to her in years. Your mom is going to have to be the one to change things. My mother had a terrible relationship with her father, he is gone now and she really regrets not fixing things with him- but it was supposed to be his move-but it still does bother her deeply.

Answer 9

Until mom is ready to get sober, you need to get and keep yourself healthy. Pray for your mom, but 17 is an age when you need to be building your life.

You do not have to be rude to your mom, but tell her she has to get sober and take care of herself and it is not your job to pick up the pieces of her broken life.

You did not say if you lived with her or not. But you can refused to visit if she is drinking and or speak to her on the phone. Don't get sucked into feeling sorry for her, Everyone is responsible for their own lives.

Good luck to you. Please call al-alon, they are wonderful.

Answer 10

You only get one mother in this life, the future is more precious then the past. show her that you will always love her through good time and bad times.....I mean...."She's Your Mom!"