and now her 15 yr old sister (no relation to my husband) and I am starting to feel like they are ganging up on me on everything. My stepdaughter tells her sister if she didn't like how i talked to her or didn't like me telling her to do something. Anything she gets mad about she tells her sister and then she jumps on me about it. I have a 3 yr old boy of my own and i am trying to treat them the same but it is hard, especially with a teenager. I am not used to her at all. I am overwhelmed a bit and do not know how I am supposed to deal with all this.They feel I play favorite with my son but dont care that he is all I have known for 3 yrs and about the fact that I am trying. They don't realize how much of a change this is for me and how scared I am that I will do everything wrong. please help if you can...
2006-08-07 04:54:45 · 7 answers · asked by xtacy1318 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Wow... that's hard to go from having a three-year-old to a six and 15 year-old too. I'm sure the kids are having a difficult time adjusting as well... it will take some time for things to settle in. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and now everyone has to combine. It sounds like your heart is in the right place... you are naturally frustrated with all the changes and demands, and yet you are still looking for a solution that everyone will benefit from. Bravo! I have a great book.... Living in a Step Family Without Getting Stepped On by Dr. Kevin Leman. I received it when I got remarried and had a daughter from a previous marriage. It talks about the birth order changes that are made when families are blended and how that affects the relationships. I recommend getting it from a bookstore or amazon.com. With the oldest child, you could sit down and talk with her as a counterpart. Explain what your intentions are, how you see the two of you working together to make this family work, and what you expect of her. She probably feels like it is her job to protect her little sister... she is partially right. Enlist her as a help to you- give her some responsiblity over her little sister and your son. This doesn't make her the ultimate authority over them, you still retain that right- but maybe it will help ease her anxiety a little to know that she has some control over an issue in her life. She has been displaced as much as you have, and is mad about how her life has been unfairly changed without her contribution. Show her that her opinions and concerns matter to you. She needs affection, a stable family, and time to sort it all out in her mind. Teens can be tough... they think they know it all already. Talk to her about your feelings- how you feel scared and unsure of yourself. Ask her opinion about how she feels you are doing and what you could do better. You may get some non-helpful answers at first, but if you keep the communication lines open and honest, then she will eventually see you as trying to be helpful and doing the best you can. Don't give up. You have a tough job ahead of you, but if you keep your eye on the long-run, you will build a strong relationship with the kids.
2006-08-07 06:00:46 · answer #1 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The sister has been the parent to this child. It will be hard for either to let someone else in to do this job, because it sounds like all they have had was each other. Now they have Dad ,but they have to share him with you and your son. I don't think there ganging up, their just watching out for one another like they always have had to do. You cant treat them the same as your son their wounded hes not. Just give them time and understanding, and share your husband with them. They will come around...
2006-08-07 05:59:31 · answer #2 · answered by Witchy Woman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 15 year old girl is living with you and her little sisters father.
That means she has no parents of her own. Your son has both his parents which automatically makes her feel left out and like she doesn't belong.
You need to ask yourself if you really want to be her mother.
If so, then treat her the way you would like to be treated, if you were 15 and nobody loved you enough.
If not, at least treat her like family (she is your husbands, daughters, sister). The best way to treat kids like family is to give them responsibility (chores) and decisions (choices). Make sure that everyone who comes into your home and everyone who you encounter treats her with respect.
2006-08-07 05:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a lot to deal with. Def. talk to them and let them know.... explain how it's hard on them, and it's hard on you... that you all need to get use to it. Explain your not playing favorites or anything, and just explain it will take time for you all!!!! Just try to treat them as your own, which may be hard, expecially with a teenager!!! Teens are always hard!!! Good Luck!!! Oh and if worst comes to worst, go to family counceling or something like that...
2006-08-07 05:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by SwtPrincess1128 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how much help this will be but I have 3 kids of my own and a step-son that lives w/me most of the time .All you can do is try. You have already taken the frist step by having them in your home.Just keep trying to build on that .within time they will strat to adapt to you and you to them.Before you know it you will be thinking of them as your own.Atleast that is how it was for me .
2006-08-07 05:04:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell them EXACTLY what you said here. And offer to spend sometime alone with them. let them know that if you did not love them a lot, you would have NEVER accepted this responisbilty.
2006-08-07 07:49:06 · answer #6 · answered by cookies_n_cream0218 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband. He needs to be involved just as much as you are.
2006-08-07 05:00:26 · answer #7 · answered by gemone523 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋