I am 28 years old. I met this girl, 23 year old, three months ago and have grown in love with her in time. I have invited her a couple of times to have some coffee or eat lunch on three ocassions, only the first time she accepted. After two times of having my invitation cancelled (she had accepted both times) I decided not to pursue and called her to wish her the best in life and good-bye, a week later she left me a message at work to call her back and so I did. She revealed to me she's been a widow for six months and was afraid of entering a relationship but she wanted to continue seeing me. I have not revealed my feelings for her but I think I need to before this goes forward and grow deeper that will hurt even more. Should I?
If the answer is yes, please help me in what should I be like with her, any advice so I can make her feel more positive will be helpful, thanks.
2006-08-07 04:38:53 · 25 answers · asked by scherzo_for_motorcycle_orchestra 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wanted to add that I do not want to appear as if I'm taking advantage of her because that is not the case, but sometimes some people can perceive intentions that are not accurate.
2006-08-07 04:39:02 · update #1
Even though materialistic things are unimportant after such a hard loss, just as additional information she told me she had a house, car, everything everyone wants to begin a full life and begin a family. She lost everything when his family took it away. But I guess the loss that hurts the most is that you had everything you wanted for and you couldn't even begin it. I'm so sad when I think of it, which has been a lot in these last couple of days since she told me.
2006-08-07 04:39:20 · update #2
She had been married for a year and he died of cancer. He was 32 and she was 22 during their marriage.
2006-08-07 04:39:50 · update #3
What an emotional story. It seems that you really care for this woman. If you love her as much as you say, you should stand by her and be her companion until she's ready for another commitment. No matter how long it takes. It seems that she's interested in you also, but it may take some time for her. Just be patient and be there for her. Good luck.
2006-08-07 04:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by gapeach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take it slow and be there for her. Don't try to rush her, follow her lead. It is very hard to feel like you've had everything taken away from you and that you have to start over. I've been there. But it is even harder when the person you believed to be your one true love dies. I've been there, too. Six months is not very long to greive over the love of your life. I was still crying myself to sleep at six months. It's a long time before the heart can accept someone new, even if she wants to. Just keep in mind that there will come a time that she will be ready to move on and love again, but he will always be a part of her. Make sure you can accept that.
Be patient. If it's meant to be, it will be. Good luck.
2006-08-07 11:46:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you want to be her night in shinny armour but you are going to have to keep your feeling under raps just a little longer . be ther for her as a friend show her what a kind hearted good man you are . Let her know who you really are . And belive me the rest will fall into place. you have to understand also it would not be right if she just started seeing you and you guys get involed . depending on how she is sometimes it's better to wait at least a year from the time her husband died before she even thinks of anyone else. Atleast you know she like you atleast a little she did call you and leave you a message and told you what is going on. Just give it time show her you care for her in little ways . like giving her a single rose . and letting her know how pretty she looks when you guys go out. and as time goes by . ask her if you could give her a kiss . just dont go for it you might scare her. just be kind and thuoghtfull about her feeligs . things will be great in the end.
Good luck
2006-08-07 11:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by mary_llinas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now, with her being such a YOUNG widow (I couldn't imagine!), she needs your comfort and support. It may end up that after some time together as FRIENDS, she may come to reciprocate your feelings. From what you've said, it would seem to me that she's aware of your attraction. However, she's in a very fragile delicate state right now, and you don't want to push too hard. You seem like an incredibly sensitive guy, so hold onto your words for a while, and let your actions speak for you. Be her friend and maybe in time you'll also end up being her lover.
2006-08-07 11:45:03 · answer #4 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you tell her how you feel now, it'll only scare her off. Slow down a bit honey and give her a chance to catch up with you. lol Start by being her friend and be willing to take things as slowly as she wants to take them. Be willing to wait. And yeah, it could go deeper and end up ending (that is what you meant by "that will hurt even more", right?), but there are no guaratees in life. If you wait for a sure thing, you're gonna miss out on a lot of love. Just take it slow for a while and simply enjoy being with her.
2006-08-07 11:49:27 · answer #5 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this life we live S H I T happens and that is just a fact of live. Past history is past history and like toothpaste is hard to put back into the tube; and it pointless to do so anyway. Both of you should move forward. Six months is an adquate time to mourn and heal. As a result she is going to be stronger than you are but in time that difference will pass. Love each other and be honest with each other and be happy. Life is also short and full of surprises.
2006-08-07 11:45:10 · answer #6 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be there for her, be her friend, let her know that you care about deeply but don't say I love you now. Its too soon, she needs time to heal. If you truly love her you will wait and hopefully this love that you feel for her, will be felt by her towards you over time. You should make it obvious that you care for her more then as a friend but don't rush things. Help her by taking her out but also letting her have a shoulder to cry on. she will be emotional and if u just stick by her she will realize that u are a wonderful person.
Help her enjoy the things in life and expierence things together. Let your friendship blossom until u really feel like its the right time. If she rejects it don't be surprised. Just give her time.
2006-08-07 11:53:56 · answer #7 · answered by hunniebun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would tell her you are interested in pursuing the relationship when she feels ready. There are no written rules for mouring but it does take time to heal. My friend is a widow and man she got a hard time from her family and his because she dated sooner than they wanted I guess. Most people think one year is appropriate so try friends first to avoid the problems society will put on both of you.
2006-08-07 11:49:56 · answer #8 · answered by M T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As for the cut in communications I think that she needed it to think clearly about your relation, after all she's a 6-months widow. As for your intentions towards her, well never mind the lost domestic amenities (house, car etc) for they'll come with time and effort and will be more appreciated than getting them ready from someone else's efforts. If you're sincere then propose to her, marry her the soonest and make her forget her past sad experience and start a shiny, new life together. Best of Luck to you Both and God Bless.
2006-08-07 11:49:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok ....I think what you said early as in you should defently tell her your feelings for her . I think she deserves to know ....also make sure you tell her you really love her not just cause you feel bad. If she does quiet want a realationship yet ...then I think you should just be there for her as in you should comfort her in the time of need and I think if you spend enough time with her yalls friends ship will grow i think too something more...You know I think there is a reason for everything and I think her husband that dies I think it was is time too go..... Even though thats not the best way I put it but I am sure he died for many reason's maybe it's because your the one she needs ....Maybe he died because he did his job on earth and its time to be with God or you know whatever ....well I hoped this helped alittle ..........oh yeah make sure your defently positve with her and a joy too be around and I think she'll want to be with you more ..like I said if she doesnt want a realationship then just be her number one fan and her best friend I am sure she'll grow to have more feelings for you....well I hope this helped I tried welll have a great day and God bless and good luck
2006-08-07 11:54:22 · answer #10 · answered by Melanie<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋