I need mature grown ups in relationships to answet this question?

Question

Okay I am 22 and so is my boyfriend, we have been together around 2 years. Relationships has had some rocky parts, but for the most part we are best buds. So Friday, we have relations, and he goes soft. He was pretty drunk so I was like whatever and went to sleep. He got mad at me the next day, and said I should finish what I start. Cool, I let that one slide even though I felt it was really his fault. So saturday he gets COMPLETELY plastered, and we try again. Well he was HURTING ME (and believe me I am no punk) and I wasn't really saying anything becuase Ijust wanted him to be happy, but when he asked me if I needed a break I said yes. Well HE passes out, so I go to sleep too. he wakes me up yelling at like 4 am, bout how I do not even try to make him c*m. I say whatever and I go to sleep. So, LAST night, i was like fine, I am going to pull out ALL The stops. I mean I was in the little outfit, had the sexy music on, I give him a little oral, i give him a little dance,

and then I twerk it (not trying to be graphic but I want you to know i am working hard here), well of course he had been drinking on and off all day(a large beer and like 2 STRONG margaritas), he seemed to be enjoying it, then his face changes and he goes limp.

He text messages me later saying that if this cycle does not stop he will leave me!!!

What the HELL is going on here? What am I doing? Is this him? Is it me?

I do not think he is cheating he is always with me, and we share a phone bill and there is never anything on there....

sorry for the length...thank you to all who answer.

the pain is not caused by lack of lue, it is just SHEER force..

Answer 1

Tell him that if he is going to get plastered then you will do what you can but if he can't keep it up then you are not going to bother trying. If he is hurting you while trying to get off & you let him you will end up harboring ill feelings for him when it comes to sex and later down the road those ill feelings will keep you from wanting to be intimate with him. I speak from experience. My husband hurt me and asked me to do things I didn't want to but did them to make him happy. Now when he wants sex it's all I can do to say yes and give into him. I still love him deeply but the thought of actually being physically intimate with him feels like a job not something that I want to do. Don't let him have all the control in the bedroom and definetly don't tolerate pain just so he will be happy. Especially if he's wasted.

Answer 2

First issue here is the drink, it is the cause I would imagine. Second is he is not capable at this moment of acknowledgeing thata. Is he a nice guy when sober....I imagine something must have attracted you to him. If so he needs to communicate properly. He is probably being aggressive because he feels inadequate as a man right now and wants to lay the blame on you. It is not your fault. These things then become a cycle. A self fullfilling phrophecy. he is subconciously worried he will not climax therefore he does not. Perhaps some outside help as in sex therapy. Thing is getting him to communicate and open up that there is a problem....... as always it comes down to the communication channels being open. This is a temporary situation usually in many mens lives. Secret is don't let it blow up out of all proportion.....

Answer 3

I'm not really sure what the question part of this story is but I'll try to offer ya some advice anyways. First off it sounds like he has a serious drinking problem,and it is and will effect your relationship with him. He either needs to cut back on the drinking or stop entirely,alcohol can cause impotence and him blaming you for this problem is ridiculous, I would not give in to make him happy anymore , he needs think of you too,don't give it up until he starts acting right.

Answer 4

You know it takes two to make a relationship a happy one. Do you feel that you are always trying to please him. Not just with sex but in all aspects of your relationship? Do you feel like he is not doing the same for you? Talk to him about this about each others happiness yours is just as important as his. If you are only 2 years into a relationship and already feeling this way just think what you will feel like after 5,10,20 years of marriage. Just look at all the women out there with questions like yours that have been in long term relationships and feel trapped and uncared for. Find someone who puts your needs at the same level or more than there own. Once you start hiding your own feelings they build up untill you get to the point where you no longer care. By then you probally will have kids and be trapped. I am not saying to leave your boyfriend just work to find some commen ground. Remember it takes two to be happy.

Answer 5

Well you need to tell him that when you get plastered that that is not the perfect time to have sex. You are about to pass out so how can you feel the pleasure. Sounds like he has a drinking problem. Get counseling or leave it alone. You don't want anyone who drinks heavily. Get some one on your level. If you don't smoke don't get any one who does. You just need to tell him the truth about what he's doing so maybe he can try to stop. If he puts his hands on you call the police..

Answer 6

You poor girl. Why can't you see that your b/f is teetering on the edge of alcoholism? He was drunk 2 or 3 days in a row and now he is blaming you for his alcohol induced impotence and you are buying it. At your age 2 years is a long time to invest in a relationship, I know. It is difficult, but you need to read the writing on the wall. It is time to say goodbye and move on to a sober partner. It will only get worse.

Answer 7

Your bf needs to lay off the alcohol. That's why he's having a problem...and he needs to stop blaming you for it. Love is suppose to be mutual...not "mememememe". His goals should be to please you and yours to please him; it's mutual...not one sided. And everyone deserves a break now and then. If he gets angry, he's got a selfish problem in that he's not thinking past his genitalia. He's being agressive and "hurting" you to HURT you, honey. This guy has a problem. I wouldn't try so hard if I were you. Maybe some counseling would help, but he's like a spoiled kid. But basically, it's your responsibility for what you allow him to do to you. He can't do it if you don't ALLOW it. You deserve his respect. Don't put up with anything less. You just need to learn to paper train him and maybe, he'll turn out ok. Good Luck.

Answer 8

I would talk to him about it when he is not drunk. If it is not from the alcohol I think he may be having issues that are not known, and is embarassed. Perhaps after the first incident, he now has performance anxiety. Don't let him be a jerk to you, it is not your fault his penis doesn't work. And if he wants to leave you for his pp problems, remind him if he does not resolve this, how embarassing it could be when he goes limp on a new girl...what a way to make a first impression!!!

Answer 9

Well here is the deal either you need to dump the alcoholic or get some plastic surgery cause it sounds like he needs to be drunk to have relations! But if you are hot dump the fairy and get ya a real man that you love then you can be real mature and wait till marriage ;-)

Answer 10

i think the problem started on the first night. him going soft on that night was an accident, but he was scared after that. being a man who has no clue how to channel him emotion, he takes it out on you. he is just trying to blame you for his problem. i don't think it's right, but i can see where is he coming from. a man is pretty much defined by his ability to perform;when he can't, he tries to console himself by saying it's your fault.
first, you need to get him to stop drinking. or have sex before he drinks.
second, when you are at it, don't mention anything about "soft". don't say,"oh honey, if you go soft, it's ok." that right there is either going to make him soft or make him mad. just say something like,"i know tonight is going to be great." (don't say "i know tonight is going to be better that last time.")
third, buy lubricant so that he doesn't hurt you.
man's ego is horribly fragile. good luck!