How do you deal with the death of a loved one?

Question

I lost my father about 2 years and a month ago, and my mother just passed during this past January. It's been really hard adjusting since I'm only 20 and obviously my life is just currently getting itself going and I lost my biggest cheerleader. I've been working a lot more and I tend to get really into video games and books or other "fantasy" related things when I'm dealing with things. I guess it's my way to gain control.

How does everyone deal? What do you do to forget, or accept what has happened?

As much as I love my family they are taking it far worse than I and end up taking it out on the rest of us. So it's hard to be around them. So my boyfriend and friends have become my strength. And thank you.

Don't want ya'll to think I'm cooped up in the house because I'm not. I spend my time cleaning and going out with my boyfriend/brother/sister/friends. But when I get really down, instead of sleeping my depression away I play video games or read. Clarity is key and I have to remember that when I type!

Answer 1

I am sorry for your loss of your mother and father. There is set way to deal with the death of someone. Some people dive into work and overwork themselves so they don't have to deal with it. Some commit suicide. Some hold it all in and it comes out later as anger toward the world. I think you need to sit down and write a long letter to your father and another one to your mother (not a hi hows it going, but a true heartfelt letter). Tell them everything you are going through, all the pain,heartache. Then take it to their graves and place it on their headstones. It will relieve you of many burdens. After that if you have freinds that could lend an ear that helps. I would not count on forgetting, but you can learn to accept it.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your loss. My two oldest father past away in 2001. They were only 5, and 4 at the time. Its was really hard for all of us. The # 1 thing I did was put us ALL in counseling!! Each person deals with things differently. I was just like you. You can't do anything to forget you can only move on accept it. For the longest time I was upset at any DR. See he was sick off and on and the Dr's' kept saying it was this or that and finally they found a CANCER TUMOR in his stomach the size of a GRAPEFRUIT and it was TOO LATE to do ANYTHING he lasted 3 months after they FOUND IT!! My two boys man it was hard on them too!! We've learned how to become closer together and stronger bond!! I've found someone else and we are getting married 9-02-06 and my two oldest boys are so HAPPY. I have pictures of their dad in their rooms and through out the house, we visit his grave site all the time and they even talk to him while they are there.

Answer 3

I've lost my mother,brother(only 1), father, my son's father, grandmother, Aunt all within the past few years, so I'm very sorry for your losses and understand completely...I was almost completely "numb" for the 1st 2 years after my mother and brother passed(they died within 2 weeks of each other-he, unexpectedly), I started seeing a therapist after my son's dad passed....I would see a therapist ASAP! They can help you through the grieving process; try to get out more, if only for a movie and start doing more things for yourself! They may be gone physically, but will always remain in our hearts....Good luck, sweetie...

Answer 4

I lost my mother Sept 11 2005 i was 15. It is really hard and congratulations that you didn't totally freak out and do things you wouldn't normally do. i cant forget about her and never will i came to the realization that she wasn't coming back in march i stopped doing anything except sleeping and working then i got my license and i took off in a uncontrollable fantasy world with drugs and friends. and now thinking about that time (which happened to end in June) i feel stupid and think omg what would my mommy think my only advice to you is be careful don't act on impulse stop and think about what your doing. and think about the happy times and sometimes you might forget how they sounded or looked but when you're not thinking about them one day their voice will just pop into your head and you'll think god i miss them. and make sure you keep your head up good luck with all that and god bless

Answer 5

Hi, it is a difficult time. Grief will be a bit overwhelming at first. If you have a hard time remembering things or if it's difficult to make a decision - that is normal. Are you sleeping? and eating?
Call a bereavement counsellor in your area and go to a group, it will help to share your grief with others. And maybe start a memory box or plant a tree. Talk about your parents with others and remember them. You never "get over" grief but you will get through it and it will become easier.

Answer 6

You never 'forget' but acceptance comes in time... In the meantime, maybe you could go for grief counseling. It sounds as though you are keeping yourself busy and that's probably a good thing so long as it's in healthy ways (not overworking, or playing video games to the exclusion of social contact, etc.) but a grief counselor might help you find ways of coping with your losses in more effective and healthy ways.

I'm sorry about your losses :(

Answer 7

You thank god for having memories of good times which last long after the person is gone but not forgotten.

Memories are what you have to hold on to so cherish them.

No one lives for ever and I lost my dad to hospital neglect and I know he would still be here today if such didn't happen. It is painful but I know he isn't suffering anymore and I will one day have to walk the same road of passing away and someone will be left to mourn over me.

I just hope they take such pain and turn it into joy knowing I loved them and they loved me and I ain't' gone nowhere, I just relocated so again, I say love and cherish the memories that is Gods gift to mankind.

Answer 8

well im only 22 and i lost my dadi this past march 2006, and the timing was sooo soo sad, about a week after my first daughter was born, so he never got to see her in person. having and taking care of her was exhausting, and i just calmed myself by thinking of memories and feeling that he is in a better place.of course i love him and ill miss him, but do not drown yourself in games that will lead to depression... try to do something for urself. i have been down myself, but i know if i did better 4 myself, i would feel better.

Answer 9

This is a terrible tragedy. You cannot forget your parents. Unfortunately, you will be growing older much faster as a result. Time will help, but try creating positives in your life like your own family.

Answer 10

You take it one day at a time, it took me 2 years to get over my mothers death but it did get better. Sorry for your losses.