I'm a Christian, & my dau. is a lesbian. How do I tell her I disagree w/her lifestyle & still convey love?

Question

The real issue is that she wants to stay @ my house w/her g/f for a few weeks. I've told her no, and why. I have not always been a Christian, and she's a witness to how my life has changed. She also knows very well that my views on certain subjs have changed. She's understandably upset about this. It's not that I care about what others think, b/c most of my church members know already (not from me telling, but from her attendance @ my wedding w/her g/f). I don't want to alienate her, b/c she IS my daughter, and I love her very much.

Answer 1

Wow. I can only imagine what being in your situation would be like, but I will do my best to serve you.

First, you might try sitting down with your daughter and giving her some examples of as many things that you can think of that she did when she was little that were bad, but through which you loved her anyway. Tell her that this is no different, that the bible teaches us that the act of homosexuality is wrong and living in that life style is wrong, but that you will love her now as you did then.

Make sure she knows that, as a Christian, you cannot condone her behavior and will not support her lifestyle in any way. Then stick to it. Also make sure that she knows that you have Christian love for her partner(s) as well. This may be the most difficult thing to say and even harder to do, but do it you must. I think your biggest challenge, aside from dealing with the pain of seeing a child stray from Christ, is to find the balance between loving her and not supporting her lifestyle. Remember, though, that Christ teaches us that love is action, and love her you can, through your thoughts, prayers, and deeds. She may not see every act of love, and she may resent how you love her, but if you love her the way Christ taught us to love, you will have done what you can.

Pray for her (which I am certain you are already doing) salvation and make sure she knows that you will support her should she decide that what she is doing is wrong. I will pray for her and you as well. If a miracle should happen and she changes her lifestyle, you can really pour on the love by getting her and your family the counseling needed to bring her back into the fold.

My prayers are with you. May God bless and keep you.

Answer 2

My children will always be my children, but sin is sin and she is living in a chosen lifestyle of sin. Explain how you feel, then explain what the scripture says. Tell her you love her but don't love her sinful ways.

First I would study everything I could find on the subject, I would understand what the Bible says and what the best Christian writers say about the subject. Find some great Christian council in a pastor or friend.

Society will say that you are wrong, she has no choice, she was born that way and she will most likely agree with that. But the same society says pedophiles can change their ways and reform.

It sounds like you know the difference between truth and society's beliefs.

I don't know how I would react if this happened to me, I love my daughter so much, she is a great joy in my life. I teach her about Gods word and the love of Christ as often as I can, I hope it will be often enough.

I will pray for you and for her.

God bless.

Answer 3

Disagreeing with her lifestyle and yet still loving her is part of the problem. There is no middle ground here. You can not do both. Either you must accept her- and change your mind about what you think about lesbians, or you must denounce her as your child and never even speak to her again unless she repents and denounces her lifestyle.
This is hard. Parents who allow their children to do wrong and eventually give in to their bad behavior is a major problem in the world. You can not live a life with a set of values and then accept lesser values when it requires you to take a stand against someone you love. You then become the problem. I see this in my own family. Whether you are dealing with a drug problem or a perversion, doesn't matter-it will infect and affect even the extended family if you do not deal with it. Some call it tough love. Many people have left the gay lifestyle and live happy productive lives-it is possible. Bu it will not happen without pressure.

Answer 4

Well, technically, as her lifestyle is nothing to do with you if she's old enoughto be certain in her mind that she's a lesbian, then you could just cut to the chase and tell her you love her. If you want to get things clear with her though, which again has distinct merits and shows a level of good parenting, then simply set it out for her, once you're sure of how much it will affect your relationship with her in the future. Are you, for instance, going to refuse to talk to her partner, refuse to acknowledge her relationships? If so, she needs to know that, and if not, she needs to know that too - just so the two of you are clear in future what's most important to both of you. Tell her that your beliefs are very important to you, as hers, and her sexuality, are to her, and tell her that this is what makes you unable to condone and celebrate her lifestyle in the way she probably thinks you should. Don't flip this into judgement or it might all go horribly wrong. Reiterate your love in this conversation wherever you can. She should be able to understand the importance of your views to you, as you should be able to understand the importance to her of being able to be her true self. Focus on how much you love her, not in a Christian context, but as a mother. Whatever you say, it's not likely to be an easy conversation, but focus on the love and be your own person, and remember how lucky you are to have her in the first place, and everything should be ok.

Answer 5

If you have a close relationship, you should be able to talk to her. You can tell her nicely that you do not agree with the live style she is living, but that you will love her no less and neither will God. At least if she knows how you feel about it, she will respect you enough not to do anything around you that would make you uncomfortable. If you try to go against her, it might turn out into a terrible situation. Let her live her life even though I know it will hurt you, but the only person she has to answer to is God. You just pray and ask God to help her see the way and maybe then she too will find God and change her way of life. May he bless you and your daughter.

Answer 6

It's fine to disagree with her lifestyle. I don't really understand your question.

She must know that your religion frowns upon homosexuals. But she is not just any lesbian, she is your daughter. Gay people have no choice in how they feel. I don't think she chose to be born lesbian but she was.

Tell her that you don't agree with her lifestyle, but she is your daughter and you will love her and support her no matter what. You have to accept her for who and what she is. That's what parents are for. I'm sure she has a hard time enough from strangers and church to look down on her and than to have her parents treat her the same? So , just don't . Outsiders have to realize that your daughter's lifestyle is none of their business. She is your family and it is your job to love and support her.

Answer 7

Your daughter will alway be your daughter no matter what - she is your flesh and blood. Your love for her should be unconditional. You have the right to disgree with her lifestyle and in a gentle way, let her know . The Bible does not support homosexuality and neither should you. We call sin for what it is - in this case it is sin. But that doesn't stop you from loving her. When you sin, God's love for you doesn't change. He may be disappointed or sadden by the choices you made to sin but He still loves you and wants the best for you. He would rather you not sin at all, but that free will given to you is a choice he had to make. That is the same concept with your daughter. You let her make her choices but that doesn't mean she has the right to bring it into your house. If you daughter lives with you, ask her not bring her partners over to the house because you do not agree with it. And let her know that you will be praying for her. I know that this not easy for you. But talk to her like God would talk to you about your sin. Be gentle and kind but call sin for what it truly is. Give her options - that you will always be there for her to help her through. But you will not support her decision of homosexuality.

Answer 8

berniemidgette,
"I'm a Christian, & my dau. is a lesbian. How do I tell her I disagree w/her lifestyle & still convey love?"
It's all sin. Mine, hers, yours. We don't get into heaven by not sinning. We get into heaven by doing what a Christian does: Having trust in the promises of God.

Tell her you disagree with her lifestyle, you feel that it is wrong. then ask her if she wants to go shopping or something. Your opinion was heard and there you go. She going to do what she does, if in faith, then a citizen of heaven. If she becomes a slave to her sin, you will notice that she suffers. That's when she'll need you more. But in reality, she will be experiencing a separation from God and needs Him.

You have to be stronger then. So practice and be stronger now.

Answer 9

I'm not a parent & have never had any siblings who were homosexual, but I'm just wondering why your religious beliefs would keep you from loving your daughter? Especially with you being Christian and all!!! Your love should be unconditional and not based on your daughter's sexual preference, which, by the way, is none of your concern! Who your daughter loves, and her sexual preference, isn't your business! (would you be so concerned about her salvation if she were heterosexual?!)NO!!! If she has reached this decision on her own free will (And you being a Christian, you should know that God gives us power, dominion and free will!) Why does that bother you to the point of having to question your feelings towards her? She may be your daughter, but she's an adult and free to love whomever she chooses. What has that got to do with you? She will be held accountable on judgement day, for her actions by God!!! Isn't that enough?
Why do you have to judge her as well?!!! If you're really a Christian, then you know the definition of Love!! But just in case you don't: Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with truth. Love never insists upon it's own way. Love never gives up; and its faith hope, and patience never fail. Love is eternal... Your daughter's salvation is for her (and her alone!) to worry about.

Answer 10

This is an opportunity to practice love the sinner, hate the sin. It can be hard. My brother came out of the closet a while ago. He knows that I don't agree with him being homosexual, but we've made it a non-issue up to this point. If he were to try to encourage my kids, or our other brothers to follow his lifestyle, we would have issues. However, preaching to someone like that would probably simply create a gulf between you and your daughter. If she knows that you believe that homosexuality is wrong, then that's probably enough for now.

Answer 11

You're assuming that your daughter has "chosen" to be a lesbian, and is therefore wrong in her choice. People don't choose to be gay or lesbian, no more than they "choose" to be heterosexual. It's the way you are born.

And what exactly do you mean by her "lifestyle?" Are you equating her sex life with her lifestyle? Maybe some people would "disagree" with YOUR lifestyle!

You need to get educated about this issue, because it has nothing to do with being a "Christian."