What is the politest way to go about telling people we do not want children at the wedding??

Question

What the nicest poliest way to tell people on the invites and should tell them earlier that children will not be invited to the wedding? We booked a great cater but they do not have a discount for children. We have 10 children we would have to invite- we couldn't invite one realtive and not another..... but at $70 a head, that's $700!!! I don't mind teenagers... at least they can eat an adult meal but I am talking if your over 1 year old they charge of an adult and we have 10 kids ranging from 2-6 in our family.
I don't mean to be cheap but we are trying to cut cost at every angle and even my FI thinks that paying that much for children is crazy...
What the politest way to let people know that their children are not invited?? I know that addressing the envlopes in the major key but I don't think that all people pay attention to that... and sometime throw out the envelope and then fill out the RSVP months later. So I wanted to put something on the RSVP card.
Thanks!!

I just wanted to Add, I live in NJ and $70 is dirty cheap to have a wedding... most places want $130-$150 per person to have a wedding in a hall or ballroom.... We can't change caters because they are a good price and still very beautiful and formal looking. We are NOT allowed to bring any food in from outside which is pretty standard for any hall or ballroom. It's illegal to carry in food that is not from the approved.

Answer 1

The kids would be bored anyway, so do not feel guilty.
If you have relatives who live in other cities, you might want to consider hiring a sitter to take care of them in your parent's house or something of that nature. If you really want the parents to be there, and know they cannot afford to pay for babysitting for few days, that might be an option (and paying for few hours will be less than 700).
or, you can do what i did-simply ask them not to bring them- I didn't want any kids at my wedding, because I wanted to be nice w/o brats running around (my husband's family is very large). Just make sure you do not use the word "brats"- that didn't fly too well.
Was I rude?- probably a little bit. Did I care- no, since it was MY day, and it was ME who was paying for it

Answer 2

You need not feel cheap...family and friends should understand. As far as your concern with people not reading the envelope; I disagree, we all know the difference between a wedding invite and say a birthday card when it arrives in the mail. And trust me we all read the envelope of the wedding invite. And we all generally put the invite with the response card right back into the envelope so we can answer it later on. I personally have never seen anyone do different. Shame on the guest who includes more than who the invite was intended.

If you are using a wedding planner they should have a good technique to use. If not use the WEB to find your answer or look at the book store for a wedding tips and guideline book.

And if you get a response with more attendee than you invited either your mother or mother-in-law to be could be so gracious as to give a call to that person and say something like "while the bride and groom both love child they have opted to exclude them from the wedding reception, however they would cherish them being at the church. And then make sure you or your mother or mother-in-law make notice of the children at the church and thank the parents for bringing them. A little bag of bird seed to throw as you come out the church for the children would be a sweet touch also.

Try to make something good out of the negative things and your day will be memorable.

Best wishes!

Answer 3

Can't you still have the kids, but maybe you provide some kind of kiddie meals for them? Just don't include them in the count of people so you don't get charged for them. I think it is ridiculous that the caterer doesn't have a kids menu. Don't let that stop you if you want those kids there.

If you don't want them there, then you just write the parents name on the invite. I am sure they will be able to find a sitter the night of the wedding. If they send the response back with their names and the children's names, you will have to call them and tell them in a nice way that it is an adult reception. If they are mad at you, then maybe you didn't want them there in the first place.

A wedding is not cheap, hopefully they would understand that.

Answer 4

Hmmm. maybe you could just addres the envelop es and then have clsoe friends and family spread the word in a nice manner. Or you coudl ainvite kids but not include them on the caterer's count and provide a differetn menu fo rthe children. Like a children's buffet table or somethign that you coudl put together with kid-friendly foods. Chicken strips, etc. This way, they coudl still be there, the paretns wouldn't be offended, the kids meals wouldn't be $70 and everyone woudl be happy. Set up a table in the corner of the reception hall with kid food and even a rug with kid stuff like coloring books, maybe a TV with a movie playing on it, etc. to keep the kids entertained during the reception. That way they are not running around all crazy and everyone can have a good time without worrying about where the kids are. The older ones can help look after the younger ones.

Answer 5

I agree, 70$ for a child that will most likely eat about 30$ or less of food is a bit of a waste. My sister dealt with the same problem, but luckily was able to get discounts after bargaining with the caterer for a while.

You are correct in placing something with the wedding invitations. You may consider inserting a separate card that asks that people do not bring their children. That gives them enough time to find a solution (babysitter, etc) for their children while at the wedding.

Chances are, you will have a lot of people who RSVP late or won't at all, so you can always bring it up to those RSVPing and gently remind them of your request. If you have to call people, you could do the same. Most people are fairly understanding, as they have been there in the past.

Congrats on the wedding and good luck :-)

Answer 6

I think you've made a wise decision. : )

Anyway, you address the inner envelope to only the parents. You then have an insert that states something like

Nanny and Babysitting services are available for children under thirteen from 'Garden State Nannies', 609.555.1234. We'd be happy to put you in touch with other families to split costs.

I would not put 'adults only' on the invite - I think this looks tacky. Most people will get the idea with the inner envelopes and the insert.
And make sure to utilize word of mouth in this. It really helped with ours. : )

As far as the person who said you are being cheap - BS. We offended several people when we refused to have kids at our wedding. If they couldn't pay $20 for a babysitter to go to the best party they have ever been to, have a 4 star dinner, great wine, great cake, and great company, then it wasn't my problem. I don't think kids belong at weddings, period. Especially not semi-formal ones. If the parents can't handle their little precious not tagging along, then it's their issue, not mine. How *dare* someone be offended for trying to make an event classy and taking the time and the effort to invite them!?

Answer 7

One key thing to do is what you said in addressing the envelopes another thing would be to address the inner envelopes as someone had mentioned. I would not reccomend putting anything on your actual invitation (it won't look that great if you frame it or preserve it somehow) but I would suggest that on your reception card insert to put something like: Adult reception immediately following the ceremony at wherever you're having your reception. That way parents will understand not to bring their children. Another thing we did was to make sure that both of our mothers knew and they were sure to casually mention it at the bridal shower or when they were on the phone to the specific people we thought may not get the message without being told!

Congrats and Good Luck, the most important things to remember are that #1. it is your day, don't let people that may get upset with your choices ruin it for you and #2. Something will go wrong but you set the tone for your day and if you don't let it bother you (whatever it may be) then you'll still be able to have the most perfect day of your life! :)

Answer 8

addressing the envelope isn't in any respect a key to this limitation. although the kids had been invited, you might no longer say that at the envelope. the one strategy to manage that is without difficulty to state "adults most effective" proper above the rsvp know-how. you don't need to say sorry or provide an explanation for your self. persons realize that weddings are expensive and that many persons don't incorporate kids accordingly. a few persons make preparations for a child sitter to take care of the kids for the period of the grownup meal however permit for them to wait the rite or even the dancing section of the reception. such a lot venues can have a room or part subject wherein kids may also be entertained and fed a few pizza. the fee of that might be just for the child sitter (s) and pizza and something enjoyment you prepare for them...lower than one hundred bucks or so, however that's as much as you. simply say "adults most effective" proper approximately the RSVP

Answer 9

You are being very smart by no inviting kids. They will distract the attention of people and trust me, you don;t want any babies crying and tots running around the church while saying you vows.

The best way of doing this by word of mouth. Talk personally with the invoved and tell them that you have chosen an all adult reception.

If there are relatives and friends coming from out of town, then you can offer to find a babysitter for them. A family member of mine had babysitting arrangements made for me when I attended her wedding, she paid for it too! It was great ! This could be a great alternative for your guests so they won't feel rejected.

Congratulations and good luck

Answer 10

I'm going through the same thing w/ my wedding! I just figured set an age limit like 10 and up expressing that it's not that we don't like the kids but we're limited on funding and limited on space for having all these families with their children (which is all the truth) my fiance and I picked a reception site that only holds 150 which just barely covers our large families, and leaves little to no room for our friends, so just say to ensure we get the majority of the guest and friends we wanted, set-backs had to be made like eliminating children under 10. Reasonable I think ...

Hope this helps!