My significant other and i have been together for 11 yrs. He recently told me that he has a life threatning disease and that is all. He said it might be his kidneys but they dont know for sure. I have asked him about it but he keeps blowin me off like it is no big deal. I am concerned that he will not do anything about it because he is that stubborn. I know that i can not get his records thx to another question i asked but it is tearing me apart!!!! I cant stop crying i stare off into the middle of no where thinkin bout it and i dont know what to do any advice???? If i dont know soon i will go crazy!!!!!!
2006-08-07 01:50:03 · 24 answers · asked by ru2tipsy2c 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
You need to talk to him with the amount of desperation and honesty you have put into your question. If he truly cares about you he will see the pain he is putting you through by not telling you the details of his illness.
You should also remind him that it is much better to share feelings rather than bottle them up inside and this is something he doesn't have to go through alone. Remember, he is scared. Don't push to hard, but if you approach him in a loving way, he should be more receptive to telling you what is going on.
2006-08-07 02:04:03 · answer #1 · answered by C'thulhu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can't imagine why you're wasting your time here instead of talking to him about it.
There are a couple of things going on here, one of which is that he may be overwhelmed and in denial himself--it may be just too hard for him to initiate a conversation with you. Also, his response doesn't seem to show a lot of respect for your feelings and the fact that you're a part of his life, so I don't know where exactly your relationship is at before all this.
But the only way to fix any of it is to make him sit down, and say, "I am really going crazy because I care about you and I need you to take the time to help me understand what is going on." That's about it.
By the way, though, if they're not even sure what it is--"might be his kidneys"--how do they know it's a life threatening disease?
2006-08-07 08:57:04 · answer #2 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing is the reason he's blowing you off. He's not. He's scared stiff. And talking about things guys are scared about makes it worse for them so they clam up. Don't take what he's doing personally because this isn't about you. His actions aren't about you; they're about how he is or isn't dealing with this serious news.
As terrifying as it may be, you have to give him the space to deal with this illness. If you keep pushing, he'll only dig in and get more stubborn. Pushing is the male signal to dig a trench and stay deep. If you back off a bit, but let him know you're concerned and you support him, he's more likely to take personal iniative.
Meanwhile, see a counselor to keep yourself on an even keel. You're dealing with a serious issue. You have every right to feel terrified and depressed. Talking with an objective third person can be amazingly helpful and a counselor in your area may know of resources for the both of you that you'd have trouble tracking down on your own.
Good Luck
2006-08-07 08:56:55 · answer #3 · answered by sonofstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live with someone for 11yrs i think you should know almost everything about that person, especially if he is your husband. Although you know him for that long I don’t know how close you two are….regardless the closeness he shouldn’t hide anything from you. If he thinks he has deadly disease I think you should be the first person he should talk to about it. I don’t know why he is hiding it from you, but he is sending a bad signal.
Let me ask you this... Have you been to the doctor with him? Does he ask you to go with him to the doctor? Is he on medication? If so does he take it in front of you? Do you know what medication is he taking? You have to ask all these questions and know more about this man.
I saw this story on TV how a wife was using cancer as her excuse to ran away from her husband and 3 kids. She did that because she didn’t want the responsible to take care of three kids any more because it was taking up her spa time. Shortly after her escape, she got caught in different state. Her reason for running away was she didn’t want her family to see her suffer from cancer, but she lied she didn’t have cancer or any other serious disease.
I am telling you if this is a serious relationship you need to know everything that is going on. You have the right, i mean i don't know if you are married to this man or not, but you know him for 11yrs that is a long time. Find out and like others say ask his friends and family you really need to know. Do you have kids? If you have kids and they are old enough to face this kind of situation you can ask him along with your kids. They can support you with that. Good luck and keep your guard’s up!
2006-08-07 10:50:05 · answer #4 · answered by Lady-bug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had an experience similar to this when I was in a committed relationship. I was still in college and taking a lot of difficult classes at the time. My significant other told me he had been diagnosed with cancer.
I talked to my professors and made arrangements to keep getting my work done and sent in. I made arrangements with my job to take some time off. I spent as much time with him as possible.
After a few weeks I found out he had lied to me! He wanted more attention from me and that was the only way he could think of to get it. The relationship ended at that point.
I am not saying this is true in your case, but remain open to the possibility if he cannot give you a better explanation, or is not willing to allow you to go with him to visit his doctor.
2006-08-07 09:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as though the "walking on eggshells" approach hasn't worked. Make time where you are not going to be interupted by other commitments etc, tell him you appreciate that he may not want to talk about it, but that as his partner you are there to support him through everything. You could try speaking to your own G.P. to find out if there is any advice they could offer regarding tactics in approaching this subject with your Partner and whether it would be possible to make a joint appointment with his Specialist to discuss diagnosis, treatment, investigations etc. His response to this may not go down well initially, but only you will know if this is the best decision. Getting early access to investigations and treatment is really important. You have to make him realise that his stubborness and inability to talk about it makes dealing with the situation much harder and is certainly not going to help either of you.
2006-08-07 09:15:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope he is not pulling the "we gotta break up cuz I am dying" thing.
I recently had a friend that was divorces and seeing this guy for 6 years. He did the same thing. Said he was dying, it was from cancer. He eventually said he needed to go "away", so as not to have her watch him suffer. And that was that.
Four years later, she found him in a new town she moved to. With a wife and 2 kids!!!!!!
I am not saying that is the case, but if something smells rotten in Denmark, it may be a rat!!
Demand to go to his doctor appointments. Even if you don't go in with him, you can see him go into the office!!! If he is that sick, he's gotta have a lot of appointments!! And there will be procedures too!!!!!!!
2006-08-07 08:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by ARE YOUR NEWFS GELLIN'? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have listed this under mental health. Has he had problems in the past? Ask him when his next doctors appointment is, tell him you want to come with him, but will wait in reception if he wants.
If the Doctor was really concerned he would have in hospital for tests. Especially if it was life threatening. He would not be out until they were sure. If it was his Kidneys they would put him on immeidiate treatment.
I am not calling him a liar, but maybe if he has had mental illness...
2006-08-07 08:56:34 · answer #8 · answered by Nneave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they don't know for sure what it is, how do they know it's life threatening? I'm not saying he's lying to you, but I just find that a bit weird. He may just be trying to spare you the details. Men cope with things differently than women do. Women like to talk about things and garner support from their loved ones. Most men don't like to share - they want to think about fully until they can get a handle on it and then maybe share it if they have to. Just be as supportive as you can without pushing him. He'll share when he's ready. I know it's not easy, but if you continue to push him for information you'll push him away. Good luck - I hope things work out for the best for both of you!
2006-08-07 08:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's probably not ready to deal with it, either. He's told you as much as he can handle. You need to go to a therapist so that you can have someone to get you through what could be a very long road.
Remember, he could be doing something and just not telling you about it. It they don't know what it is for certain, they don't know it is life-threatening.
Good luck.
We give advice all the time at http://truth-hurts.com.
2006-08-07 08:54:18 · answer #10 · answered by west of the Atlantic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋