Know any good science jokes?

Question

My Dad's ill with prostate trouble,he's just found out;as he was a chemistry teacher for 35 years I thought he'd like to hear some science jokes...thanks

Hey,these are great! Thanks everso much-I'll go and buy a 'get well soon' card and write them in..

Answer 1

yes
anita: oh no! i just now ate the detergent!
tina: good. they will clean ur blood vessels.

The Grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men,
He marched them up to the top of hill,
And he marched them down again.
When they were up they were up,
When they were down they were down.
When they were only half way up,
They were simultaneously up and down,
They were merely obeying the laws of quantum mechanics

teacher: what is formula of water?
student: hijklmno
teacher: what?!
student: yes thts what u said - h to o (h2o)

Answer 2

Here's some:

1- Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."

2- A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the microscope. We're suppose to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."

3- A small piece of sodium which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame. I melt whenever I see you . . .", the sodium pined.
"It's just a phase you're going through", replied the Bunsen burner.

Answer 3

Chemistry? Here's a few:

What did the MS say to the GC?
MS - mass spectrophotemeter
GC - gas chromoatograph
Breaking up is hard to do.

Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.

What does one do if one can't zwim? Zinc

Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.

AND FINALLY

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?

Answer 4

hmmm..

Q: What do physicists enjoy doing the most at baseball games?
A: The 'wave'.
-[]-
The answer to the problem was "log(1+x)". A student copied the answer from the good student next to him, but didn't want to make it obvious that he was cheating, so he changed the answer slightly, to "timber(1+x)"
-[]-
It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.
The question was "If h20 if water, what is h204?"
This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.
Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.
-[]-
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: 1) mole 2) unionized. As he so eloquently put it, "If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking."
-[]-
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him, and says "For you, no charge."

Answer 5

uh How come nobody wants to go to Uranus?
Answer: Because you don't wipe or it smells bad

If an an Atom could wave bye bye to you, what would it look like?

Answer: Microwaves ha ha ha

(get get it micro meaning small and atoms are super small)

What would you call it if Charles Darwin married Anna Nicole Smith??

Answer: An Unnatural Selection whooo whoo that's a good one !!

Hope those help... hope Dad makes a full speedy recovery Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 6

ok to use this u would need to do it on the science teacher in the science room.

ask him what the difference between a flask and a beeker,
what for him to answer and nomatter what he says, say WRONG.
then say"no the flask is broken"then grab the flask hit him on the head and run 4 ur life,

srry i didnt have enough sleeep i dont even know if this makes any sense but i do know it would be funny to watch

Answer 7

An economist, a scientist and a mathematician go on a train to Scotland. As they pass through, out of the window they see a brown cow in a field. "Ah!" says the economist "all cows in Scotland are brown."
"No," says the scientist "There cows in Scotland, of which at least one is brown"
"No, I'm afraid your both wrong" retorts the mathematician, "There is a least one cow in Scotland which is brown on at least on side!"

Answer 8

Try this simple one:

8 out of every 6 people don't know how to count.

Howz that?

Answer 9

one day, Pascale and Newton and Einstein were playing hide and seek. Einstein counts up to ten and then goes to find the others. he finds Newton standing on the ground. he says" Newton I saw you."
Newton says" It's not Newton It's Pascale. because Newton on 1 m^2 equals Pascale.
(N/m^2 = Pa)

Answer 10

Ever hear the one about the two atoms that went into a bar...The first said to the second "did you hear about mocule AL" ..."Nope"....He had a break down!