Is it natural for humans to commit to 1 person?

Question

Or is it not and is that why so many cheat?

Answer 1

It's a very good question, and not an easy answer.

Interestingly, when we're kids (girls especially), we seem to dream of finding that "one person" to spend the rest of our lives with ... the elusive soul mate. In other words, I think there is a natural "perfect ideal" built into human beings -- we are looking for the perfect, monogamous relationship at least in terms of our emotional desire. Maybe later in life we settle for less and try to fill the void however we can (through affairs or other pasttimes to take the place of romantic love), but people instinctively seem to be looking for this single intense relationship.

That being said, females of most higher species seem built (physically, hormonally, mentally) to look for stability in a mate -- i.e., monogamy. When they bear children, they are geared for nurturing the children to adulthood, their resources are all dedicated to the kid(s), and it is extremely important for them to mate with someone stable, who will always be there and provide and not run off and leave her by herself.

Men, on the other hand, are physically geared to find attractive/healthy women and reproduce in quantity, not quality. Stability is not the issue for the man, from the reproductive angle.
(Note: This is never an excuse for the man to "mess around" or break his commitments, but it explains why it seems easier for the man to find himself tempted to cheat.)

Monogamy is also interesting in the sense that children spend their childhood being taught to take care of themselves and be independent... and then they have to "relearn" what it means to willingly be dependent on another human being, since marriage depends interdependence. A good family is interdependant, but it's still a big shock to find one's independence, then go back to being willingly bound to another.

All this being said, in some ways monogamy is inherently desired by most people, is not natural per se, and yet without monogamy we often find ourselves stuck at a certain level of maturity and unable to grow further.

The fact is that monogamy demands a real sacrifice of self, a rejection of complete self-interests, the necessity to deal responsibly with someone else very different (sometimes), learning to see things from another viewpoint, submitting one's own desires/ideas to another "just because" of the commitment, and so forth. People who flit from marriage to marriage, affair to affair, usually do not grow in certain areas of maturity, because of their unwillingness to submit themselves to the relationship and learn how to set aside their own self-interests.

(Monogamy also gives women a "safe space" in which to be emotionally vulnerable to their husbands. Who would want to bare their soul and give themselves completely to a guy who might reject them tomorrow?)

So monogamy, while painful at times, still serves as part of the maturation process. This process can occur in other relationships where a person must submit to self-imposed boundaries, but monogamy is the quickest and most intense relationship in which to experience this growth. It really changes a person.

Answer 2

Quoting from Steve Jones, Y: The descent of men.

'Speculation about sex is too easy, but ur frame does retain some hints of ancient times Homo Sapiens' generous testes suggest a history of moderate promiscuity and his large phallus might also be a clue to a salacious past, but man'smodest teeth and the similarity in body size of each partner point at a certain fidelity. The figures are confused because human height and weight (but not, presumably, the dimensions o our most intimate organs) have increased in the past few centuries. Some less direct clues come from local patterns of change in the YChromosome and the mitochodrial DNA (inherited through females). The geography of the two lineages is only moderately different in humans, but enormously so in chimps. - a hint perhaps that promiscuity with a dominant male ruling a large territory, has been less of a force in human history than in that of our closest relative.'

So yes, natural, but also natural to have lapses.

Answer 3

Societal implications and beligious beliefs aside, the male of the specie is not genetically programmed to be mogonomous. After conception, a female's reproductive capability is "put on hold" for a period of at least 9 months. A female, other than in extremely rare circumstances. may only reproduce offspring by one male every nine months. A male, on the other hand, could reasonably be involved in producing hundreds of offspring during the same time perion. Society and the influence of religious beliefs upon it are responsible for the subjugation of the male of the specie's natural genetically programmed desire for reproduction!

Answer 4

Definitely not natural - else nature would have somehow found ways to supress the polygamous instincts like it has in some species. That said, man is also the sole self-aware creature on this planet, that throws up such interesting dilemmas. So, all said and done, I think that for now, it is all up to each person to determine how he/she takes the social, biological and 'spiritual' facets and lives. Time alone will tell ...

Answer 5

according to sociology there are more relationships in the world with two or more partners. It is the norm in America for there to be a commitment to only one person at a time. we here consider it cheating but alot of the world considers it the norm,go to the Local library and look up books on other cultures and books on sociology you will see life is different all over .

Answer 6

Science suggests it's genetic.

The spark of new love can be very strong and the natural chemicals produced have addictive qualities. This lasts for 12-18 months and the high is over. Resulting in repeat offenders if they are weak to the lure of the chemicals.

Answer 7

I think this is a really interesting question.

I don't think that we have a finite amount of love, I think that we can love different things about different people. We can find different qualities attractive in a person, and have something to give them at certain times in our life.

This doesn't necessarily correspond with a monogamous relationship / marriage, but then I always was a bit different!

Also, people cheat because they have needs that aren't being met in their current relationship. People change and grow and develop at different rates and times, so sometimes I think people will be drawn away from their partner of choice in order to recieve what they need. This is not because they hate their partner, it's because they need to recieve whatever it is they are lacking.

Answer 8

yeah it is natural people only cheat because they have not found the right person and just settle for anyone that comes a long as they are not a be on your own person cheating is wrong it causes a lot of trouble and heart ache

Answer 9

I believe, in general it is more natural for a woman to commit to one, than for a man. Although women seem to be catching up with men for not wanting commitment, I think once they find someone they love they will be more commited. Whereas even when a man finds someone he loves, it seem more natural for him to keep looking for more. By more I mean more woman. I think this is supported by the argument that while biologically females seek quality in males, males seek quantity in females

Answer 10

Let's just say it's POSSIBLE to commit to one person.

But, so many allow themselves to cheat for a moment of fun at the expense of a lifetime of suffering for their loved ones / themselves.

It's a matter of self-control, principle, consciousness, commitment & responsibility.

MEN, by NATURE, have to procreate alot due to war & diseases. Many sons died. So, more sons need to be reproduced. Thereby, men's instinct will be to procreate as many as possible with women they find beautiful (as in look healthy).

In modern world, this is not applicable anymore. And men have smaller capacities to mate, unlike in the historical times. Men have to learn to commit to one to benefit most in life. The media is to be blamed to stir men's interest in many females. But I hope the married men out there can control themselves to stick to one for good. Since you already made the choice, it better be a good choice. And don't complain / regret it. Be happy that your woman loves you for who you are.

Besides, one cannot blame the cheater entirely. The cheated could have driven the cheater to nuts, and the cheater resorts to cheat. So, try to be loving, understanding & supportive of each other. And do not neglect each other & take each other for granted.

Answer 11

If you truely love someone then yes this is easy to be committed to one person. People cheat because they were never happy in the start

my hubby's parents and my parents only ever committed to their partners. My mum's first everything was my dad and same with my hubby's mum and dad. It is possible!!! Ive been with my hubby for 2yrs and not once have i ever wanted to cheat