I'm a female to male transsexual, and a woman I was seeing who is a lesbian, decided to tell me she is seeing another woman, becuase as she said "I'm a lesbian, and I'm not attracted to men" This hurts SO much, because I really loved and cared about her. I "used" to be a lesbian I guess, although I've never used that label to identify myself. If I can't date lesbians and get them to accept me, then who will I ever date? I feel like a freak and that I'm unloveable. I'm really depressed. What should I do?
2006-08-06 21:43:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Lola, I HAVE thought of these details. I"ve spent almost 3 years in therapy dealing with these issues even BEFORE starting my transition. Also, I am PRE-operative. I have not HAD any surgery. However, I DO pass 100% as a male. I have a very deep voice, body structure, even facial hair. I think that the way I've changed physically has made her decide she really wants someone who not only acts like, but LOOKS like a woman. I have the genetalia of a woman, but that's the only thing that resembles something that looks female on me.
2006-08-06 21:51:24 · update #1
You will find that right person - who loves you for you cause true love and caring is not based on gender. At all. I know it hurts but just try to see that you would not want to be with someone who is so shallow anyway.
Maybe you can find a place or meetings in your area with people wh are also transexuals. Perhaps, some internet sites may make it easier for you - just be careful if you go that route and meet in public places, etc. Try to find someone who is interested in you- as a person - not as a gender. Then you will find love.
You are NOT a freak and unloveable and don't EVER tell yourself that - you deserve love and to be loved like anyone and everyone else does so don't put urself down like that - work on feeling good about yourself and that you knew enough to know your own identity and to escape the confused world you were captured in before. Give yourself some credit and I don't know if you have seen a counselor but it may be a good idea to help you with these issues and hard times.
Just know the right person is out there who will see you and it won't matter to them what gender you are - or any of this cause they WILL love you for you and if you have trouble finding that - hey - so does EVERYONE - it's not just you. Really - so stop that pleasse =)
Pick yourself up and try to cheer up - try to smile and laugh more. Love comes when you are not even looking for it - that is when it comes the most so just focus on things you like to do and positive people and try to get ur confidence up - you are a worthy, good, beautiful human being and should be treated like one and these people don't deserve you! Look at it that way.
Maybe see someone to talk to - focus on confidence right now and everything else will fall into place. I am sure with all that you have been through that life has been hard enough - why make it harder?? Cheer up and best of luck! :o)
2006-08-06 21:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm....very difficult question. I can see your former lover's point, since she sees you as being a man now, not a former female, while you still see yourself as a former female. When you became a man, did you intend to date straight or gay women? I don't think you are going to have a lot of luck dating lesbians, because they like women only, usually. Maybe you can find a bi woman, or figure out what motivated you to become a man...it doesn't seem like it would be to make love to lesbians, because that doesn't make sense. Maybe if you can date some straight women and see how that goes? I'm sorry, I don't have any meaningful advice for you, but I know you are not a freak. And don't be depressed, or think you are unlovable. Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet to love. Maybe if you can talk to a psychologist who is educated on these transexual feelings, you could get some help and understanding of your dilemma. Maybe it is just that you are not used to the new you yet, and need to take some time to get used to the idea of being with straight women. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-07 05:00:26 · answer #2 · answered by 420Linda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a little confused about what you are saying. You say you are a female to male transsexual, but if you still want lesbians that means you want a woman who treats you as though you are a woman. You said you have been through therapy but have you discussed this particular issue with a therapist who is experienced with gender identity issues? One of the hallmarks of being transsexual is you hope for and look forward to people treating you as the gender you really are.
FTM, if they are straight date straight or bi women. If they are gay they date men. If you identify somewhere inbetween maybe you will have to find someone else who does not fit into any distinct label. That's possible but will just take patience.
2006-08-07 07:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by Drewe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not gay or lesbian but I am a freak too because of my religious beliefs. I was away on a business trip and my father died. My husband, aunt and uncle didn't even tell me he was dead until they had him embalmed and put out for display. My father had a notarized statement that he wanted to be cremated with no stupid Catholic sadistic, morbid, rituals. A five year battle ensued and I am STILL depressed and sometimes suicidal. I had him exhumed and cremated like he wanted. Everyone in this town hates me and thinks I am some kind of satanist. I know this is not pertaining to your situation but you can be patient, not everyone feels like the woman who dropped you. There is still hope for you to find love and when there is hope that is something to hold on too and never let go. In my instance. I have no family anymore, just cats and dogs because they can't hurt you and give you comfort and unconditional love. Hang in there things are not as bad as they seem right now.
2006-08-07 04:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by PetsRule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is happening right now to so many other transsexuals......you start out the transition with someone who supports & loves you....but as time goes by that other person comes to the realization that you are not the same person physically or mentally for that matter. My partner is butch, when we met she wanted to remove her breasts and told me how much she wanted total surgery for most of her life............I had to be honest with her & tell that I didnt want a man..........A friend of mine has been with her partner since before transistion and the changes in both body and mind have made one into a man........my friend is longing for a womans body..........not the one thats still technically female.........the male hormones have altered the attitude too.....
This is a b*tch for those going through transistion but its understandable for someone who is attracted to females to lose the attraction once the changes start taking place...
feel free to emai if you'd like to vent.........theres nothing wrong with you, you just need to find the right person and you will, but it probably wont be a lesbian for obvious reasons...
((keeping you in my thoughts))
D~~
2006-08-07 08:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by D~~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life can be ****** cruel cant it? I bet you have all the qualities that will give you true love in the end. Dont despair (easier said than done i know) but if you can keep positive theres def. someone out there for you, gonna keep my fingers crossed for you! And just to let you know Im a gay guy who is only attracted to straight guys, so in a way i kinda know how you feel. Everyone i fall in love with cant return it because they are straight. So at 32 the only love Iv ever experienced is unrequited. But one day for both of us.... keep your chin up!!
2006-08-08 16:29:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r not a freak n u deserve sum1 who will traet u right an like a human beging no matta what ur preferance is, i hope u find the love n true happiness i have with my guy n 2 kids, i had a miscarriage at age 15 by my bro's baby mamma bro, it messe me up, so then i thought i couldn't have kids, so i was sorts like a jack rabbit, finally i got w. the right guy..... u'll get the right person too...
2006-08-07 04:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by Mama C. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't buy her alibi, if she really loves you even you are a transsexual, she will not leave you. Get over her and move on. You will find the right one for you, who will accept you as you are. And I think you're still a leasbian. Best of wishes. And, hang on.
2006-08-07 05:03:04 · answer #8 · answered by Dawn Treader 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should have thought of all the possiblities before you had the surgery, but hey dont give up.i'm sure theres someone out there for you to love that will love you back,
2006-08-07 04:47:23 · answer #9 · answered by imalickyouallover69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand in front of a mirror and say: "I'm OK, I'm pretty, and I will find the best person to be my lover for ever".
"I'm me and nobody else".
Try this every day in front of a mirror, talk to the person in front of you and tel you are the best.
If you are the one in the 360 pix, you are beautiful
2006-08-07 08:38:02 · answer #10 · answered by bigonegrande 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋