my man is playing games with me?

Question

i just cant take any more of it im so miserable and down all the time if he did love me why would he play games with me i just want to say get out of my life but its not as easy as that if you love this person i used to be such a happy lady and hes made me feel belittled and ugly we dont speak much he sulks upstairs like a child when i want to talk things over i think hes turning me insane please help me someone i really dont know what to do im confused and hurt

Answer 1

Not all men are like this, and despite what kind of OPINIONS you are getting on here, it isn’t about leaving, or if it’s right or wrong- you’re gonna do what you want and need to do and THAT IS TOTALLY OK!!!

Now you seem to really CARE about him.

He could be suffering (it sounds like he really is) from issues about his conduct and appreciation and caring (for himself as well, yeah?). I mean either he WANTS to interact with you and be loving or he DOESN’T and would leave, right??? THAT is how YOU would do it, it sounds like- which is why you’re still there, trying to talk.

You both have needs, same needs as everyone else. Problem is neither of your needs are being met- and without communication (as you know) you can’t figure out how to meet each other’s needs. You see it that if HE would communicate (talk about it) that a solution could be reached.

This isn’t always the case.

If he has a history of difficult relationships, childhood neglect, invalidation or abuse, you’re case is closed, almost without a doubt. The ONLY hope is if you begin counseling for YOURSELF and ask him to go with you after a few times. It’s not that there is something WRONG with you (no moralistic judgments!) but in counseling you might learn how to figure out how to not only help yourself but also maybe even help him a bit more. Obviously he doesn’t SEE YOU as being a solution or what can help him. I know that hurts but otherwise he’d come talk with you. RIGHT?

Or else he is really afraid.
In counseling you’ll get some tools to help, regardless of what the reasons are. If you can’t afford it, almost all counselors have sliding-fee scales and will work with you, or refer you to someone who you can afford.

If you’re at your wits end get in and talk to someone who studies how people interact and how to gain freedom to communicate and inspire better communications in others. It changed MY life.

Don't give up yet. Often these things happen from lack of better "tools". Everyone has a hard time, even people who get really hurtful and mean; they're projecting their inner reality onto the world.

Teach only LOVE.

And start with you- give yourself some more tools to REALLY try doing this the best way you possibly can. THEN if it doesn't work (and give it a little time at least) you KNOW, for sure, that you really did your best.

And I can see you are trying your best.
So don't give up yet. Even if you take some of what he does personally. Get in and talk and get some real tools to try some new things that if you knew about you'd already know and have tried and wouldn't be in this predicament right now!

Peace!
-JP

Answer 2

sorry to hear what you are going through - its really sad.

my opinion:

you can do one of two things at this point:

1. talk about counseling and see if it goes anywhere
2. call it an end to the relationship

from the tone of your email it seems that 2 is the option you sort of have in mind, but somewhat afraid to pursue.

i went through a similar situation myself, and at first decided to at least try to resolve the situation - we "talked", and for the next couple of months, things seemed much better, almost back to normal. then, it slowly spiraled down to a lower level than we were initially, within an year or so. sad end. now that i think back, could have ended a year of misery if i stuck with my first gut feeling. but then again, at least i know i tried.

bottom line: such decisions are never easy. but if he's making you feel belittled, ugly and miserable, where is the hope that things are suddenly going to change for the better now? unless, counseling works, of course.

this is a situation that no one can really help much. gather up your courage. it is your life, do what you need to do to get back to being your former self again. no one deserves to be miserable, and the more you suffer in the stage you are at, the steeper the recovery may get.

Answer 3

It's time to move on. Things won't get better. You have a life ahead of you. It isn't easy to break up - but why be miserable. It will only get worse. Move on while you have the chance.

Answer 4

the guy doesnt deserve you as hard as it gets tell him to take a highway and get him out of your life he is a child and he doesnt want to grow up you need some body who is muture who knows how to treat a lady and dont let any one make you feel little or tell you that you are ugly.and always put a smile on your face that will make you feel better.

Answer 5

Yes you can take more of it all...I say that because when a person REALLYcan't take anymore..they have no problem leaving...they know it's over...they know there is no going back...although reading what you've said...once more...maybe you don't leave or kick his *** out because you don't feel good about yourself right now...search your inner being...there is a strength there that will help you...

Answer 6

give him a taste of his own medicine. ignore him, don't speak to him for a while, see how he takes it. if he does'nt change after this and continues to give you grief, then its time for goodbyes. yes, it may hurt in the short term, but you will save yourself a lot of pain in the long run. AND, you are free to find someone else who hopefully will be much better. good luck!!!!!!

Answer 7

It is not at all informative how is he driving you insane.

Sit down and think what excatly is driving you insane. Talk to him about it.

If you know you're unhappy and you can't even pinpoint it, but you know it's bout him - move on. Sometimes we love people we shouldn't stay with.

Answer 8

No, you already know what to do, you just need to find the courage within yourself to tell him to pack his crap and take a walk.

If you feel this way now and don't do anything about it, imagine how you'll feel in 6 months from now!!

Don't wait to fix this - do it soon!

Good Luck!

Aloha!

Answer 9

Things don't get better when allowed to get this bad It might not be easy but you have to get out. There is no getting the toothpaste back in the tube.

Answer 10

sweety i seriously sympathize with u bcoz i am into the same situation.u do one thng all the u are reminded of him try to picture all wrongs he has done to u.slowly and steadily ur luv 4 him wud decrease and it wud b easy 4 u to let him go