i want to know if my poem is any good... can you plz rate it from 1-10 and if you think it sux than dont say that give me some constructive criticism [sorry if i spelt that wrong] and some ways that i can make my poems better....
Oh how I miss you…
O how I miss you.
I don’t know why.
You called me a *****.
You wanted me to die.
I used to be happy.
And now im not.
Its cuz you left me.
Its feels as ive been shot.
You made me feel special.
Like no one else could.
You made me feel better.
When no one else would.
It tares me apart.
That I’ve lost you.
Im just asking for a chance.
And if you say no I’ll think “oh poo”
Just one last chance.
I still love you.
You were my life.
I cant get through
2006-08-06 20:28:02 · 12 answers · asked by KJ 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
I think that you probably shouldnt think about it so much, stop trying to rhyme and just allow it to flow! I laughed at the "oh poo" part cos it was kinda unexpected! Keep writing tho, its a great way to express yourself!
2006-08-06 23:42:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
6 - your meter and rhyme sound pretty good. Some things that I think could be changed:
the first ive to match the I've later on...either stick with 'netspeak' or not, don't flip flop (same with the im vs I'm)
I think that you have too many words in the 'oh poo' line. It spoils the flow slightly.
Your third and fifth stanzas are quite powerful...could you strengthen the fourth one.
It really is a pretty good poem :)
2006-08-06 20:41:41 · answer #2 · answered by miss_vanora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love, I feel your pain. Listen, it felt like you were holding something back. Something obviously happened between the two of you and you are not sharing that. Don't be afraid to write down every horrible word of what you are feeling and let it out. Listen to your heart now, rhyme later.
Hope you feel better soon. I am a tiny bit worried. Did you ask for another chance?
2006-08-06 20:41:07 · answer #3 · answered by zzzlibbyzzz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK honestly the cussing is not necessary and the oh poo part....no. You kind of left the poem unfinished. What can't you get through??
2006-08-06 20:36:14 · answer #4 · answered by trouble comes a knockin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the poems that have a deeper meaning in it, but oh well, at least yours rhymes
2006-08-06 20:37:26 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
k was gonna rate high until i seen that oh poo...what is that..
change it and ill rate a 10
2006-08-06 20:37:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 (for effort)
2006-08-06 20:33:41 · answer #7 · answered by triumph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gotta ditch the "oh poo" part, other then that its ok
2006-08-06 20:31:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10!! It very much resembles my life story!!
2006-08-06 20:33:04 · answer #9 · answered by Jose T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry honey, you're no Bronte...
2006-08-06 20:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by Epicarus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋