how to end custody battle when he fights unfair?

Question

He remarried she has 4 kids and 2 ex husbands who pay her a combined total of $1200 in child support, and my ex makes great $$ and at first she didn't want my kids there, but when she found out he would be paying me $1200 a month, she is making him drag it out in court, so I keep paying my attorney who keeps changing the court dates, this has been going on for over a year, and my kids want to live with me full time, age 9 and 12. We have shared every other week custody right now. It costs me $20 a day to drive them back and forth to school on my weeks, and no support from him. What should I do???

Answer 1

I can speak from experience that when it comes to custody battles, being unfair seems to be the new rules. I've seen mothers lose their children at the hands of mean men. One guy even went as far as to have her utilities shut off and then went into court to claim her as unfit and unable to properly care for the children....he won custody by the way. It may not be in your nature, and I don't know the circumstances in regards to what is happening and what he's doing, but honey, you need to get a better game plan. While meeting with the social workers and guardian adlitems, you need to sing praises of yourself, sell yourself, win them over. And if you have anything negative on him on paper somewhere, make it known to them...and I do mean anything relating to the children, your relationship, job status, his lifestyle, etc. Leave no stone unturned...these are your children and you need to do what is best for them. OR....I hate to give this option, but desperate times call for desperate measures. One thing I've seen work alot in these instances, is making him a deal he can't refuse. He's probably just trying to avoid paying child support anyway. So let him claim them as deductions each year on his taxes, allow him summertime visitation without having to pay child support when he has them during the summer. Maybe, if you are in the same town, you can offer shared placement, where each of you has the child on rotating weeks, no child support is ordered for either of you. Courts will allow this if the two of you can be civil and wish to maintain a close relationship with the children....but both parties have to be in agreement. Hang in there...it's a bumpy road, filled with unexpected twists and turns...but it does come to an end, and hopefully, for the sake of you and your children, it will have a happy ending.

Answer 2

Where to start. Your attorney may be a victim of the other attorney or just pugging away at fees, no way to tell from here.
1. do you have a parenting plan? If you put one together, you will be ahead in court.
2. Have you considered or have you been to court ordered mediation? This may solve some of the issues but will not resolve all (and it depends on where you are). The 12 year old has a voice in court and may be independantly interviewed by the judge.
3. If he makes the big $$, the 1200 is not sufficient. Have you run the legal calculation in your state for actual support, both spousal and child.
4. If your attorney is giving you the run around, know that he/she is in fact your employee and you can fire and change attorneys. This is not always a good idea but time to have a heart to heart with the one you do have.

Answer 3

all the answers and noone says anything about the kids. You and your husband decided to get divorced not the kids. The best solution I have ever heard was a few years back I read in a magazine a couple that got divoreced and the lawyer awarded the children the house they were 13-15-17 the parents had to move every 2 weeks not the kids... It was great!! Your kids need 2 parents you should move as close to your husband and his new wife as possible so your children can go freely to whatever house they choose. Remember you and your ex made the mistakes not the kids EVERYTHING you do should be for them. And the thing with child support is if he has them half of the time noone should get support. Good luck sound like your kids are going to need it.

Answer 4

Honestly, as an attorney, I would highly advise you to seek an attorney in your local area. Custody is something that the courts handle and will impose strict penalties if the custody degree is not followed. You are in no position to handle this yourself, nor can you impose your own personal custody agreement. The courts will take into consideration a pattern of practice by both parents when deciding what is best for the child or children. The courts impose a best interest analysis when determine who the custodial parent will be and the amount of child support.

Answer 5

The best way to really appeal a custody battle is by emphasizing the things that make you the better candidate. Do the kids like you better? Do you have friends that can give a more trustworthy testimony? Is your job better paying, more flexible, or does it provide more benefits than your ex's. Will you make it easier for your ex to share custody should it come down to that? Perhaps you've planned out the kids freetime to be more productive. Whatever it is, try to keep the battle for custody focused on your strengths, and not your ex's.

Answer 6

Keep fighting !!!!

As for John R--I did lose custody of my 4 children b/c I am poor and did not come from a rich family.My ex's dad is a doctor and my ex also inherited a brand new house from his mom when she died.I struggle to make ends meet.It states in the court documents that he was more financially secure and he was awarded custody of the kids.NOW let me say this;;;;;YOU say give up b/c he could support them better.BUT I have been told I am a bad mom for not having custody of my kids.So JOHN R which is it keep fighting or quit and become a bad mom in others eyes?????And yes I DO PAY CHILD SUPPORT.Unlike many dead beat dad's.

Now that my ex has the kids he tells me I am in no position to disagree with him r/t the kids.WELL I am going to be getting a substantial check soon and I will see his happy big tush in court SOON.

Answer 7

Just remain calm (I know easier said than done) and give him enough rope to hang himself. In the meantime be the best parent you can be to your child and make sure they aren't caught up in the whole ordeal. Get friends, co-workers, family, teachers anyone you can think of to give an affidaviate of the type of parent that you are. If he really wants custody because he loves the kids and wants to still be a full time father then maybe negotiate something along joint custody as it would be easier on all of you however if he is like mine and only wants it to keep from paying child support the judge will see through that real quick. It is hard for a father to get full custody of a child unless he can prove the mother is unfit and that is hard to do he would have to have social services, teachers and doctors backing him up on that one. Good luck.

Answer 8

Your lawyer works for you, at least is supposed to be. Sit down with your lawyer and tell him that you want Tell him that there has been no support given since this has been going on. Tell him that there should be at least a temporary child support order written up until the agreement is finalized.
This will give you some support from your ex until it can be finalized. A temporary order for support is usually granted. Why your lawyer has not done this goes against his clients and children's best interest.
I know he will wonder why you are asking him to do what he should have done in the beginning. I hope that you will be able to start getting the monies you and your children need.

Answer 9

That's how the courts, lawyers, and nasty ex-spouses love to be...fight unfair, down and dirty, keep it going and make lots of money (at least the courts and lawyers). It is a no win battle. My ex used the courts to punish me for leaving him, and used custody of my kids as part of the weaponry. It was very difficult, and went on for years. Whoever has the most $$$ wins, unfortunately. Unless you have a humanitarian judge, and there aren't many.

Answer 10

Make an appointment with the court mediator. You need an unbiased mediation session to determine what's in the best interest of your children. Long, drawn out custody battles are certainly NOT in their best interest. Good Luck!