Is it time to end my marriage?

Question

I'm in my 20's, and married for over 2 years (we dated for less than a year then married.) Then, for the past several months, I feel myself falling out of love with my husband, due to his lack of financial responsibility, his negative attitude towards other people and our dull sex life. To make matters worse, I've begun to have an affair with a friend I've had a crush on for years, after maintaining online communication for 3 years. Note: I feel myself becoming emotionally attached to this friend...he is intelligent and very attractive, but he has made it clear that this is just about the sex. I keep thinking that the affair is just a result of my bad marriage, and that I should leave and pursue better things and find myself (I am young and still struggling with my self-identity), regardless of whether or not the friend is in the picture. I do feel a responsibility towards my husband and that I should stick it out and maybe things will get better? I'm also terrified of being alone.

Yes, I have a great job and I take care of all the bills, including both of our student loans.

I thought I truly loved him when we decided to get married. I was in my early 20's.

Answer 1

Get out an get happy. Life is too short to be unhappy. I left a priviledged life with a terrible marriage. I was never so much happier

Answer 2

Wow, you are in a real emotional mess.

1. I doubt you and hubby will make it...an immature loner? Don't ever consider enabling that one

2. Forget the other guy...listen, he already told you it's about the sex and he's just enjoying taking the opportunity of your marital misery. That will end as soon as you leave your husband anyway...cuz the safety net has been lifted for him at that time. So save yourself further grief and don't have ANY expections of emotional help from him.

3. Indentity and self esteem improvements should be on top of your lists to work on here. Get all the professional help you can because you, my dear, have real fears and need it. You will also repeat this horror show if you don't.

4. Stick it out with your husband? I hardly think so. Not this one.
a loner and irresponsible with money equals BIG trouble. You and any future children will be in hell forever with this dude.

5. All you have gotten out of these two relationships is sex and as you have found out already...it is not the answer. Never was and never will be. You deserve better but you have to make that move. I wish you well....

Answer 3

Sorry to say you were wrong girl. I hate that you are in such a turmoil but how would you feel if your husband cheated on you. It sounds to me like you were not ready to be married to begin with. Marriage is romantic and beautiful, but it also takes a lot of work. Just because you get in an argument with your husband that does not mean the end to the marriage. The only way things will get better is if you truly love your husband. i do not think that you do or else you would not have had an affair. Get some counseling, pray, give your husband his freedom. You obviously do not love him enough to respect the sanctify of your marriage.

Answer 4

It is important that you figure yourself out first before you marry someone. If you can't be happy by yourself, you won't be happy in a relationship, it doesn't matter if you stay or pick the new, exciting relationship. I understand that you're scared of being alone, it's not easy, but you probably need some time to yourself. Break it off with the guy who brings excitement to your life, but doesn't love you (or else he wouldn't have made it clear to you that it's just about the sex), talk to your husband (you don't have to confess the affair, that might be adding pain to his life that he doesn't have to go through, just be aware that staying quiet about it isn't easy either and will always be a secret you keep from the guy who is supposed to be the most important person in your life and your closest friend), talk about marriage conseling or if he's willing to give you a break. Maybe you can stay with a friend or something, but you should leave and be by yourself for some time, a couple of months at least. After that you might already have a clearer picture of what you really want, and maybe what you want is your husband after all. If not, you'll know it, too, and then leaving him won't be as hard anymore. You should read the book "To good to leave, too bad to stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum, it can help you make a decision. In any case, break off the affair, it doesn't do anybody good, not even yourself. I know that's easer said than done, but since he's not even seriously interested in a true relationship with you, at least you don't have to worry about breaking his heart. As for your husband, that is a different story, but if you don't want to stay with him it is better for the both of you the sooner you leave. it only wastes your and his time to drag it out.

Answer 5

It's not time to end your marriage. It's time to begin it. Start with you. Get yourself together. Leave that friend alone because having an affair is wrong, and it's not the answer to a troubled marriage.

Yes it's frustrating to be the one who is taking care of everything, but it is your responsibility to talk with your husband, and let him know how you feel. You BOTH need to sit down, and get EVERYTHING out in the open.

DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR MARRIAGE! You haven't even experienced what God has in store for you BOTH. Stop letting the devil lead you. Let God lead you, and He will restore everything that the devil has stolen from you, and your husband..

Answer 6

Wow lots of good insight. Girlfriend first you have to make you happy. You never mention if YOU make a living. You say your husband has a lack of financial responsibility, funny when you wanted to get married you did not notice this lack of money making. Perhaps you need to be the one to take care of the bills, women can earn more then men these days and that is okay if he makes it up in other areas. Stops being Jessica Simpson the 2nd. It takes two to make a marriage work. Sex is always hot with someone new, cheating? Please you are clearly showing just how much life is all about YOU,you, you. Divorce is expensive, will be humiliating to you and your family and in most states after two years it will amount to lawyer bills and splitting the household goods, period. It sounds like you need to work loving you first.

Answer 7

Being a Christian, I would discourage marriage and tell you to seek marriage counseling. Being a 20 year old single mother, and a human being, I'd tell you to leave! You didn't date long enough to get to know each other for who you both truly are. He is not the man that God intended you to be with nor the man that you want to be with. Leave the husband, ditch the friend, and find YOU! In the end, if you don't know yourself, what kind of life do you really have...a sad one. I wish you the best of luck in your self-discovery. It is a long path, but it is best to go it alone. Don't be afraid of being by yourself, it may be the most enlightening thing you ever do and you'll be happy you did later.

Answer 8

You or both of you should go to family counseling and you might be surprised to find out what makes your husband tick. You married him, because you loved him. And now you are hitting the worse times (your vows) and you need to start doing something about it, rather than cheating on him. Sometimes a little SURPRISE in a dull relationship can make a big difference. To be in a happy marriage means working on it constantly (from both sides). Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, if you decide of ending up your marriage, you should think this through. Ending up a marriage is one hell of a decision to make. It doesn't affect your "soon to be ex-husband" only, but you also. Your "friend" could be there for you to compensate your frustrations with your falling-apart-marriage, but will he still be there for you after you breaking it up with your husband?

You deserve a permanent relationship. Something that will give you identity, self-respect, total happiness, and that will make you complete.

But before you decide on your marriage, why not try talking things through with your husband? Working things out could be tough, but it still could work.

Answer 10

you're asking a question on yahoo about your marriage, and whether you should end it. Oh my you must be confused. I suggest maybe you and your husband going to a marriage consuleor, or talking to him about it. Whatever you do, end that affair, and pick up your sex life with your husband, you know that affair will just end in worse things. Remember why you married your husband in the first place, and things will get better.