I worship the gurus' lotus feet
Awakening the happiness of the self revealed
Beyond comparison, working like the jungle physician
To pacify loss of consciousness from the poison of existence
In the form of a man up to the shoulders
Holding a conch, discus and sword
Thousand headed, white
I bow respectfully
Peace
2006-08-06 17:10:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I hate poetry, but as long as you enjoy it, keep on truckin'. It doesn't seem to suck to me :-)
2006-08-06 17:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poem needs lots of work.
Try working on structure so that you aren't just making one sentence equal a line for no reason.
Also try working on making the poem sound more like verse rather than fragmented sentences. You can try using meter to help you out.
Writing down your inital feelings about something is really great. However that doesn't instantly make it a great poem.
Try reading some other poems too. From your writing style try reading some William Carlos Williams, Pablo Neruda, and of course ee cummings.
2006-08-06 20:05:47 · answer #2 · answered by skybluezoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read it twice, and honestly, I don't like it. I'm sure you're a deep and sincere person. I am too. I have to be honest.
2006-08-06 17:29:28 · answer #3 · answered by bystander1212 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the word jungle physician does not suit .
2006-08-06 19:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by papillon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. Very shaman, tribal, pagan, and Zen combined!
2006-08-06 17:15:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you smoke and where can I get some?
2006-08-06 20:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by jk_2k8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋