Too much makeup and such?

Question

Lets say your girlfriend wore too much makeup, when she already had an astounding complexion, and always criticized her body, face and hair, even though they were nearly perfect and amazing by almost anyone else's standards. What causes this extreme self doubt? I would compliment her on her looks but it seemed she would never be satisfied, how could I have made her feel good about her looks?

Answer 1

She won't be satisfied. You have to accept that's where she is right now.

With one woman I know, every other woman who sees her says that she is gorgeous. (I figure that's pretty good -- for other women to immediately have that reaction to her.)

Her response is to either shut up, become embarrassed, deny it vehemently, or flip it off with a sarcastic remark and not accept it.

There are many reasons for this. It could be simple insecurity.

It could also be denial, to avoid future heartache -- it hurts to believe that one is desirable because you can then be hurt when you're finally rejected.

It could be fear of being rejected in the future and thus finding out that, since she is physically beautiful, she must have an ugly or undesirable spirit.

It's a funny double-standard. On one hand, women focus very much on looking good to others and hate looking bad, often spending hours preparing themselves for public scrutiny.

Yet, at the same time, I think in many ways women find it easier (as far as heartache goes) to avoid accepting their own beauty, to avoid looking at themselves in terms of a physically desirable person. If they ever start seeing themselves that way, they run the risk of being hurt -- of maybe getting their hopes up, then having them dashed later by someone who decides they aren't really that desirable.

(Many women nowadays try to be desirable simply by being competent, since it's something they can control.)

Anyway, do not shirk complimenting her when you do feel she looks beautiful, but I would not go out my way to comment on her appearance. Let it go, unless it's really interfering with the quality of her life. Meanwhile, I would just focus on reaffirming her as a person, enjoying the time with her, having fun, having meaningful conversations, showing her she is desirable apart from her physical nature.

(Look at it as your "little secret" -- she doesn't have to accept her own beauty for you to admire it while you are with her. )

I think the more you simply relate to her as a person while together and value her as a person, the more she'll come to accept her own overall desirability.

Answer 2

As a retired mental health practitioner of 20+ years experience, I can confidently say, you probably can't make her feel good about her good looks. You can make her momentarily happy if you praise her non-stop, but for you to change her opinion of her appearance will be almost a selling of your soul to her bottomless pit ego demands, and even you can't do that. It's too much for any one individual to do, unless you're willing to nearly sacrifice your soul for her. God Bless you.

Answer 3

The sad truth is that women have this amazing ability to nit pick ourselves to death. It's a finally honed skill. You probably can't make her feel better about herself, so slip her some compliments and accept that fact that you just can't freakin' win. She's probably perfectly happy hating herself.

Answer 4

this lack of self confidence came along way before you meet her ...familly...you should try and talk seriously to her about that. It's going to be really hard to convince her the contrary of her beliefs. it takes time and patience..it's a good thing you are trying to help

Answer 5

Start crying and tell her that you are blessed to have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.