how not to feel guilty when sending your husband to jail for slapping you?

Question

I have endured 19 years of verbal abuse, finally got the guts to file for divorce. He found out...got violent and slapped me in front of our children. I called the cops and now he is in jail. But I wonder if I could have prevented that situation....

Answer 1

There is NEVER an excuse for violence. Either from the male or the female.
You did the right thing. And you should not feel guilty. There was no way for you to prevent it. And there is NEVER a reason for someone to deserve it.
He raised his hand to YOU, and in front of your children. Your children need to be taught that violence is not the answer to anything. If you had not of pressed charges against him then you would have been condoning violence to your children and telling them that there are no consequences for it.
And I know that is not the lesson that you want to teach your children.
Also your children have witnessed you being verbally abused and mentally abused if not physically abused for years. If you had continued in the marriage then you would have been setting an example for your children to where they would believe that verbal and mental abuse are common in marriage, that it is perfectly fine for it to happen. And you would be setting a very bad example for them, which they would probably continue with that type of actions in their own marriages later in life.
You need to sit down with your children and explain to them that this is not acceptable behavior and try not to let them see this kind of behavior any more.
I'm sure you would really feel bad if when they grow up and get married that they treat their spouse in the same manner as they saw you being treated, and them believing that it is acceptable because you put up with it.
Break that cycle now before it is to late, if it already isn't since they have seen it for 19 yrs or for however old they are now.
Your children should also probably get counseling after witnessing this behavior for so long.

Answer 2

To answer your question, it could have been a lot worst and someone could have been seriously hurt or dead. Secondly, your children do not need to see this type of abuse because they may grow up thinking this is the way a woman should be treated or this is what a man suppose to do to a woman. I commend you on filing for a divorce and getting out of the abusive marriage, now take care of yourself, your children and be safe.

Answer 3

There is nothing to feel guilty for. Your husband is in control of his own actions, not you. Divorce is rarely a pleasant thing, and it seems like you have finally taken control of your life, which is a good thing. At this point, all you can do is file a restraining order (given his physical violence), and hire a good divorce attorney, who can advise you further on steps to take.

Going forward, it would make sense to ask if there were any warning signs that you may have missed or ignored. Presumably, you will one day want to start dating/seeing other men, so you want to be certain not to attract other abusive-type men into your life, both for your sake and your kids' future.

Answer 4

Hey it was coming sooner or later u wud have done that. dont feel guilty you are not to be blamed. It doesnt occur to a person that Ok today is the D-day lets punish some person.It comes with lots of accumulation of hurt from abuse.
Dont worry take a break with your kids and get a makeover it may not remove all the pain but it will make you feel much better.

Answer 5

I didn't file charges, but my ex-fiance' hit me in the head with her purse WHILE I WAS DRIVING, with her son, and my best friend in the car.

What I did do, is give her an ultimatum that she NEVER hit me again, or we were through.

Three months later, she smacked me in the head with a couch cushion (in anger, and it was one of those heavy 1970's types, it knocked me over.)

I ended the relationship the next day, and had her and her son move out. I cried for days over losing my relationship with her son, but I did not, and will not tolerate physical violence in a relationship.

Her violence was the result of a highly jealous nature, and my "offenses" were 1: A casual glance at a female jogger. 2: Stating that one of our former classmates was 'cute'.

No, you should NOT feel guilty. In my city, a woman was recently shot in the head by her husband while waiting for some fried chicken at a drive-through. In the seat next to her corpse was the restraining order against her husband that she had picked up 15 minutes earlier.

REJOICE that he is in jail, and that you and your children are alive and safe.

Answer 6

No, HE could of prevented it by not losing his temper and hitting you. He is where he needs to be. No man should ever lay a hand on a woman, especially in front of their kids. That teaches your children abuse. Don't feel guilty, you did him a favor. Move on and find someone to respect you.

Answer 7

You shouldn't feel guilty, he made a concious decision to not only hit you but to do it in front of the children. I am sure you didnt stand there and literally ask to be hit. You stopped it now and that is what you need to realize, otherwise if this was to go further you would be asking how not to feel guilty over killing him or maybe you wouldnt be here yourself. Violence only escalates unless it is truly treated.

Good Luck :-)

Answer 8

why would you feel guilty, he did this in front of your children, no it could not have been prevented, it would have come down to getting slapped some time down the road you did the right thing. he's teaching your children that it is alright to beat on women andthatwomen need to take and go on, don't help teach your children that to

Answer 9

Those were his actions and chose to make them. It was bound to come out of him sooner of later. I understand you feel gulilty, I'm sure that some other women would also, but rest in the fact that you did do the right thing. Who know how far it could have gone. And you need think about your children too. Think ahead also, not trying to scare you but what's gonna happen when he gets out.

Again I don't want to scare you but just think about that. Your safety and you children's safey.

I pray that you and yours will be fine and protected.

Answer 10

Easy,don't feel guilty.You have put up with 19 yrs of heel and do NOT deserve to be hit and abused!!!You are a woman,a mom,and you are STRONG!Be proud of yourself.There's nOTHING you could have done and nothing that you should have done.Be proud that you finally stood up for yourself and your kids!!Don't be a punching bag for anybody,especially the man who said that he would love and honor you,til death do you part.Hang in there,get the divorce,and show your kids that it can be done and NOT to be abused or abuse.