I need a serious and informative answer please. Can u help me???

Question

This is for real and I truely need serious replies. My husband of 31 years (who is 50 now and really is a decent guy) has become a prick. He is always crabby, snappy, angry and quite sarcastic. Obviously there is something bothering him but he will not talk. Everything has a down-side to it. And he is treating everybody like this (but of course more to me). He will not see a doctor and will not admit a problem. There is NOT another women or anything like that. I know he truely loves me and I know he wants to be in the marriage, So whats wrong? He is just so discontent with everything and nothing makes him happy. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I have a friend who turned 50 quite recently and I can tell you for sure that this birthday is NOT warmly welcomed. In many respects, "50" screams volumes, and the sound of that screaming reverberates in their psyche. At this age they more acutely than ever before are faced with the reality of their own mortality: what to do with that realization? "How much time have I got left?" they worry..."is THIS all there is???" Hair becomes increasingly grey, or perhaps vanishes altogether. The osteoarthritis kicks up...in NEW and unforseen places....long-abandoned, decrepit, ancient motorcycles kept since their youth may once again see the light of day and oddly, be in DIRE need of immediate refurbishing... in other words, a host of worries plague them. In light of this it's not at all surprising that many do become depressed. Obviously, you can't force him to "do" anything he doesn't want to do, but you can learn more about what is happening in his mind in order to better understand his a-typical behavior. Bear in mind that anger and fear are closely related: fear usually preciptates anger and his angry outbursts are an outward manifestation of his inner fears. Hopefully, the following books may give you some ideas as to how best to deal with his mid-life crisis:

Answer 2

Would help to know if this just started overnight or has been a change in him which seeme to get worse with time. Sounds like he isn't happy with himself or his life. Men often take it out on everyone else espcecially when it involves work. We don't really want to talk about it but it boils inside us until we nearly explode or worse yet do. This is often the case when people go "over the edge" at work or home. Not trying to say he is or scare you. But we hold it in until we can't stand anything anymore, sometimes the sarcasm is related to another entirely different sarea of our life but it helps you to feel like your in control a bit or bring back some of the old younger feelings when being a smart *** was the answer for any problem. To tell you what to do I couldn't even start to. Try asking him directly if he feels ok and work is alright. Has his performance in bed changed at all over the past year or so, if he is having problems there it can be a big, really big, issue that boils in him always, leaves him feeling like less of a man and all. Some men experience a problem when children grow up and they aren't the "super hero daddy" anymore, you know the feeling, you're not needed as much anymore and are just a meal ticket or bank for your kids adventures.

Only thing I can relly say is best of luck and try talking to him directly. The beating around the bush aspect really irratates some men, I know because I am one of them. I will talk about most anything but be direct, it makes me mad when it takes 15 minutes to get to a subject. But then again I have business background and being direct has helped and hurt me over the years, but thats a different story. I hope maybe this has offered a little insight and wish I could help more. If you would like, you may email via the area here and will tell you anything I can to help you understand males a little better, BTW I am 43, father of 3 girls and widower, just so you know have been a few predicaments myself. My wife had bi-polar disorder before she passed and was a real ride to enjoy when things were not right to her. Hope it helped. ;)

Answer 3

It may be a "Midlife Crisis" situation. Please look that concept up on the web and see if it makes sense and what they say to do about it. Most guys get a NEW WIFE or NEW CAR or MOTORCYCLE. Perhaps a NEW TOY would please your man.

There may be something bothering him such as a situation at work which he will not discuss with you. That is a shame. Men are generally very poor at communication, and communication is a cornerstone of a good relationship or marriage. You should try to talk more to him about it.

I believe what you say about there not being another woman.

I am sorry that you are stuck in that situation as it appears to greatly concern you and disrupt your happiness. I wish I had a BETTER ANSWER, but I don't know of any people that have gone through such a situation and am much younger. Please consider searching Yahoo for "MIDLIFE CRISIS" (please use the quotes) and see if the symptoms match.

You SHOULD also consider going to a licensed and educated PSYCHOLOGIST by yourself and getting more professional advice.

It sounds like a "Midlife Crisis" to me, but I am not a licensed psychologist, although I have studied social science and psychology quite a bit.

Answer 4

He may be in a rut or having a midlife crisis. When we go through the middle of life, everything seems to go wrong because we are looking backwards.

Not being funny, but some guys (because of the hormones and changes) do become grade A1 pr*cks. Normally generous, giving guys suddenly become the crotchety old turtles that they hated when they were kids. You know the ones that yelled at the kids for being on the lawn, fof playing in the street in front of the house and so on.
See if you can use your womanly wiles to get him to the doctor. Tell him the candyshop is closed to bad little boys.

Answer 5

Don't be too sure about another woman. He could be having an affair or just ending an affair and feeling guilty for cheating.

He could be having a "mid-life crisis" and realizing that he has probably reached his full potential. This can be very hard on some men.

He might be having a medical problem. Alzheimer's and hardening of the arteries are two that come to mind.

My advice is to see a counselor yourself who can guide you through this. And MAKE him take a potent multi-vitamin daily.

Nagging him will not help. You can talk to him about YOUR feelings and let him know you are unhappy. That might help him to open up. Don't start blaming him for anything, just let him know what you are thinking and feeling.

Answer 6

Sounds like male depression. This is especially common for his age group. Men have a harder time admitting they have this problem because they have been raised to believe that being depression is a woman's sickness and a sign of weakness. Patience and understanding are important, but a little more is needed. There are natural supplements he can take that will help ease the physical causes to depression. Sam-e is a good natural (non-addictive) supplement, and you don't have to tell him it's for depression if you have a hard time approaching that subject. One of the most common uses for sam-e besides an anti-depressant is for alleviating arthritis and helping with liver function.

Answer 7

He is normal. He is finally realizing how screwed up the world really is, and it makes him mad that he spent his whole life working for a better life, and now it's all being wasted on wars for oil, giant suburban houses with no community interests, and he has no solid place to go for truthful answers to things he always took for granted before. There are no solid answers, but you can just try to talk him into taking Prozac or Zoloft like everyone else does these days...
Maybe a Wendell Berry book will cheer him up: "What Are People For?"

Answer 8

Maybe it might be something temporary like a mid-life crisis but that wouldn't be difficult to talk about. Just be completely honest with him....let him know that his attitude is making everyone around him miserable including yourself. Tell him you are starting to get frustrated and need him to tell you what is wrong so you can at least try to help. Just because he is having emotional problems it doesn't mean you should suffer from them. If he still refuses to talk and you know that he wants to stay in the marriage... try to be patient with him and hopefully he will eventually be able to explain his behavior.

Answer 9

Okay, he sounds depressed. He's fifty, he is having a mid-life crisis. My husband is going to turn 5o soon and he keeps saying "Can you believe I'm almost 50?". I keep telling him he is as Young as he wants to be and age is a state of mind. Your husband may be satisfied in the marriage but maybe its his work, or friends. He may feel he hasn't accomplished what he had planned for his life at this point. Try pointing out all of the good things in his life. Keep in there and keep asking him questions. If it continues, you go see a therapist and described in detail what your husband has been like and ask them how to convince him to come in for therapy. Good Luck, I'm trying to keep mine from getting a motorcycle--he might break a hip!!!LOL

Answer 10

You've brought up 2 of four possibilities I can think of:

Money, Career, Women, Health.

I would consider the money and career possibilities.

You seem to be naturally leaning towards health though, and maybe there's a reason for that. That's about as far as I can answer with the info given.