Should married couples have separate or joint bank accounts?

Question

My husband and I have a joint checking account, and my entire salary is directly deposited in that account. I told my husband I want to deposit 10% of my paycheck to my own separate checking account. He thinks I am being unreasonable. Before we were married, I was an independent woman who handled my own finances. And I don't like having to justify every single little purchase to him... he always makes me feel guilty about $50 haircuts, $100 at the Gap, pedicures, eating out during my lunchbreak, etc. I work hard for my money and I don't want to put up with the guilt trip.

Ladies, what do you think?

Answer 1

You answered your own question when you say how he treats you. Don't ask, just do it. Have the account statements sent somewhere else. Never tell.

Answer 2

I can read, but my wife isn't here and if she were, she wouldn't be bothered to type this in anyway.

When she and I married in 1975, she said pretty much what you said about having always been independent, and didn't want to have to ask me for every cent.

I agreed with all my heart. My only condition was the first time I had to bail her out, we changed it.

My opinion was based on the fact that money is the number one cause of marital fights.

The female fiends who worked with her said to me, "Oh, you must not love your wife!" (Implying I was just supposed to give her my entire check on Friday and beg for my allowance like their husbands did, I suppose.)

I said, "Hey, time out, wait a minute. I am not the one who is confusing money with love." That shut up the fiends really quick, not that I much cared what fiends think.

Well, we fought about everything else, she is an adult hyperactive, but we never once fought about money, heh, heh.

Now, in retirement, we do have a joint account and we pay most things out of it, even personal items. We still have the separate accounts, so she has all the money she needs for anything she wants.

However, you have a real problem. If you can't get him to agree, then you have two choices. Assuming you are contributing a reasonable share to the household, (you sure should be, when you have enough money for $50 haircuts and $100 at the Gap -- your income is awfully high if you call that 'little' stuff) you can either try to get him to a counselor -- or just tell him it is going to happen and go with what happens.

The fact that you only want 10% is pretty reasonable. You must make a lot of money.

Answer 3

Most married people fight over finances and how to raise their children. It was no different when I was married. We had a joint checking account and we fought about how the money was being spent all the time. When we divorced, he took most of the money before I could change the account. He left me and our children with no money and no food. Take my advice from a person who has been there, you should each have your own account and a joint account to pay the bills only. Keep life simple and never go to bed made at each other. As long as you both have money to jointly pay the bills together, everything should be fine. Plus, you'll keep your indepence too. He doesn't own you and you don't own him. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Hmm....

Well lets see, I've always believed in the traditional joint account (what is mine is now ours mentality), BUT...I was prior in a marriage in which I was married to a VERY financially reckless ex-wife. I don't blame her though, I blame myself for not being more involved with our finances. I am re-married and still have a joint checking account...the main difference is that she and I have the same financial/accountability philosophy...she still splurges time to time though. With that said...if you and he can't agree on an overall financial philosophy or plan, then you should keep separate checking accounts. I know that having a joint account is SUPPOSED to symbolize 'unity' and 'trust' between the two of you....but I also remember hearing that finances is the #1 reason for divorces...so if this is going to create animosity within the ranks, as it appears it already is with you...then this would seem to be the best possible course of action I can recommend....Good Luck!

Scott Williams

Answer 5

We have both.

We have a joint account that our household bills are paid out of. We each have a personal account where gas for our cars or things we want to get for ourselves comes out of. We have a joint savings account that we both pay into, and we have a completely separate mortgage account so we never have to worry about shorting that bill.

Even though we don't earn the same amount of money, we put the same *percentage* of what we earn into those accounts. If we have a large purchase that needs to come out of the joint account, we talk about it. But the money that's in our personal accounts is our "play" money to do with what we want.

Answer 6

Well I am independent and I handle my own finances. I would always have my own bank account and then a joint account. I would not feel safe knowing my spouse could at any moment take all my money and run. I say get your own account. I think it is safer. That way if anything happens you will have some money put aside.

Answer 7

I'm not a lady, but I think every couple needs at least three accounts -- yours, mine and ours.

You can use Quicken to figure out what your expenses are each month and how much each of you can put into a separate account, while still leaving enough in the primary account to cover housing, groceries, utilities, and other common expenses. But it's a great thing for BOTH of you if you each have your own checking account.

In fact, use that as a bargaining chip for your husband -- have him put 10% (or a fixed amount, whatever works) into a separate account just for him. Then you don't get to complain when he buys car stuff or jazz CDs with his account, and he doesn't get to complain when you take your old college roommate out for sushi or buy shoes with your account.

Many banks offer free unlimited checking accounts with debit cards, which is HIGHLY recommended. At our bank, we can transfer money back and forth from one account to another, so if I have to lend money from "the car account" to "the house account" to cover a big purchase, I can, and vice versa.

And... having your own money lets you do nice things for each other, too. My wife has lost a lot of weight in the past year and a half, and her clothes were all hanging off her, so on Valentine's Day I took her out and bought her a couple hundred dollars of new underwear, using my "private account." Yeah, I know, that's pretty much the DEFINITION of "ulterior motive," in that while she got a lot of use out of the purchase, I got a ton of enjoyment... but she still thought it was sweet. Just like when she takes me out for lunch and pays with her card.

...And as several people have suggested, if this REALLY tweaks your husband, you may want to consider just doing it, and setting it up in an account he doesn't know about. That way if he goes scary on you, you'll have an emergency fund.

Answer 8

My husband and I have been married 24 years. We tried joint checking accts. when first married, but that didn't seem to work for one reason or the other. Now, we have separate checking accounts. He deposits his checks in his account and I deposit my salary in my own account. We split all household expenses and whatever is left over in my account belongs to me and vice versa. I also have my own savings account for emergencies that might come up. This seems to work for us. Also, if one of us needs extra cash from time to time, we are always there for each other.

Answer 9

I know you addressed this to "Ladies", but my wife handles all our finances, and for the first several years of our marriage, she would act just like your husband when it came to my spending. "Why did you go to Wendy's when there's food in the fridge?!"

We once had a long and fruitless argument over me cashing and keeping the money from a FIVE DOLLAR CHECK that I get once or twice a month from an online research firm, and using it to go to dollar movies, and get snacks.

Basically, she questioned and harrassed me over every little thing I bought, while feeling perfectly justified in her spending habits. For example, she would get $170 hair-dos (she's black, I know it's a lot of work.) and not bat an eye, but then yell at me because it was time to renew my BLOOD PRESSURE PILLS.

We still have a join account, but now we each have our own credit card, with a pre-determined amount we can spend each month, and we pay it off at the end of the month. This allows us to get what we want, when we want it, without having to answer to the other.

Answer 10

oh hon, ask I'll tell you this do it, don't wait don't ask him, maybe tell him but you work for it. the bible says that you should enjoy what you work for unless you are really bad with money then sort yourself out. I'll tell you this story my sis married this guy and put him in charge of their finances, now i must say that she worked for more money than him, but you know what happened, they are struggling to make ends meet and they both earn great salaries, one day she ended up crying and not sure what to do as there was no money to pay bills or any of the other stuff she couldn't even buy stuff for herself, not saying that your hubby is like that, but, we had told her to have a separate account too, but she didn't and he doesn't even tell her when he's spending "big" and when she goes to get money there's never any or very little. think about it. Anyhow all the best.

Answer 11

You and your husband need to get on the same page financially and work out what your financial priorities are and how much to spend, invest, save etc. Is there something that he'd like or is saving up for? (house, car etc.) Or maybe he's just worried about paying all the bills. Try to sit down and work out a budget that you both can live with, including a set amount of "free" money for each of you that you can spend the way you want, no questions asked. When you have a map of your household spending each month, then you will know that the money will be set aside for what it needs to be and you can still have your spending money and he can lighten up!

Go see a financial counselor, or there are lots of books and web-based options. I went through the Financial Peace course with my husband at www.daveramsey.com. But there are a lot of them out there, just pick one that seems to fit in with your financial goals and priorities.