after 9 years of marriage is it normal to not have feelings anymore for your spouse?

Question

still feelings of love but cannot seem to get along and he is not into helping with the family chores anymore

Answer 1

Marriage is about commitment, not feelings. Feelings change everyday. If you are committed to your marriage, then you need to work on getting these missing feelings back. Without more specific information on what feelings you are lacking, it is hard to give specific advice about how to work on them.

Answer 2

I think it's very normal for marriages to have ups and downs, and you're obviously in a down right now. I've been married more than 9 years, and every year has been completely different. People who are married for 50 years understand this...just because you're feeling like you've changed, or your spouse is changed, is not a reason to split apart. Unless there is abuse going on, you promised to stay together in good and bad times.

What I recommend from experience is to change yourself. You can't change your spouse, and you can't rely on another person for your own happiness. So try learning a new skill, work on a hobby, or better yet, find a place to volunteer your time (you'll be helping others, which is good for them and makes you feel good, too!)

If you are feeling this way, your spouse probably is, too. If you find your own interests and get yourself excited about your own life, your spouse will see you in a new light, and when he/she sees you in a new light and expresses more interest in you, then your vibes will come back, too.

On the other hand, if your spouse still has strong feelings toward you, which you just aren't reciprocating any more, encourage him/her to develop some of his/her own interests...so you can see him/her in a new light, too.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, this is normal in the United States' attention deficit disordered society. People get bored after a while and start dwelling on other matters. It's sad but true.

This does not mean that you can't salvage your relationship, though. You might have simply "forgotten" the feelings you had for your spouse. Think of things to do that will remind you both of the times you spent while madly in love. Ever re-enacted your first date?

You might also need to re-focus your priorities and time commitments to mirror how they were when you (surprise, surprise) first fell in love. You and your spouse may be much too focused on business, children, etc. and may not be making enough time for each other.

Answer 4

If the 2 of you really love one another I would say that the spark has gone out. If that is the case both of you need to communicate and talk about it. After 9 years of marriage you are probably in a rut. Change things.

Answer 5

I think you either love him or you don't. And if you don't love him, then why is that? Did you ever love him, or is he doing somthing to make you fall out of love? I don't think its wrong for people to get bored with each other, and I don't think its normal to "not have feelings" for him anymore. After all, you did get married, and if those vow meant somthing to you at the time, then I highly suggest you both see a marriage/family therapist to get to the root of the issue, you would be suprised at how much it can help..

Answer 6

Its not normal but it can happen i am coming up on the 9 yr itch and i feel the same way not that i dont have any feelings but it is because of a specific problem we i me i am not clicking with him we will work it out though if you truly love someone u will i suggest take a vacation

Answer 7

Yup. But marriages can go thru weird stages where this happens for a while.

Answer 8

Be more specific. No love? No attraction? No hate? No feelings at all? What do you mean?

Answer 9

funny you should say that nine years is the average length of a marriage

Answer 10

Maybe it is normal for you.