My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum. What should I do?

Question

I am a lesbian. I have a girlfriend. I love her and care about her. I have a friend, who is also an ex girlfriend. We had a bad falling out and I have resolved all hard feelings about what went down between her and I. Now we are good friends and that is all it will ever be. My ex g/f also has a g/f and they have talked about getting married. My current g/f doesn't like that my ex and I have a friendship with each other. She told me today that I either end my friendship with my ex or it’s over. She also said that If she meant that much to me then I would have no problems ending a friendship with my ex g/f. I have never cheated on her, she knows that I have never cheated, I would never have sexual relations with my ex g/f, she believes that I would never have sex with my ex. My current girlfriend stated that she is too much of a jealous person and can't get past her jealousy in this situation. Like I said, she means a lot to me but I don't like being controlled either. Please help!

Answer 1

jealousy can be a *****, but your girlfriend does have a right to feel that way. my husband and I went through the same thing while we were engaged. The thing is that you have to realize what happened in the past is in the past and you should leave it like that. There is really no reason for you two to continue to be friends after what happened between you two (especially if you were in a bad situation. You being friends with this person is you trying to hang on to that person, even if you guys are only friends. That won't help your relationship with your current girlfriend. move on from the ex if you really really love this person.because like it is said you have to hurt someone before you can love another. Let the friend go.

Answer 2

It sounds like you current girlfriend is very insecure in the relationship. There could be alot of reasons such as her past relationships or what have you. I think the thing to do here is to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Not a argument just a nice heart to heart talk and try to get to the bottom oh this. Also I would say you need to consider the fact that she is giving you an ultimatum is really a sign that you need to look at this relationship further. If she is willing to leave you over a simple none sexual relationship with an ex what will be the next one. You cant use the computer because someone might talk to you as a friend. Really this is very scary and doesnt sound very healthy.
This could be the sign of a very controlling person and you have to ask yourself if this is somthing you want. Just for the record my ex and I talk and there has never been an issue with this. I would not stand for someone giving me orders. It is different if she sat down with you and very calmly told you why. Good Luck

Answer 3

Do what you feel you should do. In your shoes, I will talk to my current girlfriend and tell her that she has no right to tell you who you can be friends with or not. She needs to love you the way you are, and the choices you make in live. You've decided to be friends with your ex so she needs to respect that.

She admitted that she is a jealous person, so it's her problem. You can help her proving that you love her.... but an ultimatum.... you are a free human being and you don't have to accept an ultimatum from anyone. I mean, there are cases, but your ex didn't kill anyone or hurt your current girlfriend. If you end the friendship, what will your ex think??? And your other friends? Is your girlifriend gonna ask to stop another friendship???

My piece of advice, try to convince your girlfriend, if she doesn't change her mind then I'd probably break up. You obviously love your girlfriend, but your ex respects you, and your girlfriend does not.

Hope I helped :)

Answer 4

This is the stupidest thing, I had an ex do that to me (when I was still in denial, so then it was a he) and he was such a total jerk, because I was friends with 2 of my ex's. One, because he had been really sick and I was sort of keeping tabs on him because he really didn't have any family or other close friends, and the other ex who I was friends with also happened to be the twin brother of one of my best friends. How could I help that?
If she really cared she would leave you be. That's beyond jealousy. It'd be different if you still had feelings for this girl, but obviously you don't, so what's the deal? It's really bad that she gave you an ultimatum, that shows how much she really cares about your feelings toward the situation (NOT!)
My best advice, sit down and try to talk with her, explain to her that you are no longer attracted to your ex, and regardless of what may or may not have happened in the past, you've let it go and it's grown into a nice friendly relationship. If she can't see past that, let her go. No one should ever try to make you choose between them and a friend.
Besides, as I came to find out, the reason my ex was so insecure, was because when he met me he was still screwing his ex, and then while we were supposed to be engaged and preparing for a child, he was screwing his current girlfriend, so you do that math.
Good luck dear.

Answer 5

In any relationship; rather it be friendship or love relationships, means and requires compromising. Your girlfriend was clear about her natural emotions of being jealous. She was very clear and honest. If you love her, I think you should do as she ask. Why lose that person in your life for your ex. Your ex will understand. At the very least ask your new girl if you can only talk or see your ex girlfriend when she is there. Whatever you do, don't see or talk to her behind your new girls back. There could be consequences to harsh to bare. I was in your position; I didn't compromise and lost my true love. Please don't go down that road?

Answer 6

I once was in a similar situation as you. What I did was called my ex, and told her exactly what I was going through. The funny thing was that she was undergoing a similar situation with her present gf. So we both made a truce not to talk anymore but left each other in good terms. At least knowing that you left in good terms doesnt make you feel bad. Good Luck

Answer 7

Ok the best way to figure out if you are being fair to your g/f is to put yourself in her shoes. Would you be totally, (honestly) comfortable if you were in her position? She does not sound like she is being controlling she just wants a secure stable relationship minus the drama an ex can ( & will) bring. Good Luck and remember ex's are our ex's for good reason.

Answer 8

I had a g/f that did this too. the problem turned out to be she was the one cheating so she couldn't trust me because she knew she was untrustworthy.

If you are keeping your g/f in the forefront where she belongs and she is your best friend then she will have to get over her own issues. Anyone who dictates an ultimatum isn't worth the work.

Answer 9

Your g/f sounds like an insecure, immature control freak. Tell her to f*ck off. She looks at you as more of a possession than an autonymous human being. You do what she asks, that'll open the floodgates to ever increasing controlling behavior. Are you your own person? Do you feel you have the right to choose who you want to be friends with? To hell with your girlfriend, man. Plenty more tunas where she came from.

Answer 10

If ur girlfriend cares about you as much as she says then she will let you be. If she sees that it makes you happy to have this friendship then she should respect that. She has no trust in you and that would be it for me. goodbye! No b/f of mine would ever dare giving me an ultimatum! U need me to handle ur light work 4 ya babe? I got ur back : )