Why would a guy leave his wife?

Question

I have a friend in his 40s, been married over 20 years, has kids. Now he says he's met 'the perfect woman' for him, and that he's desparately unhappy in his marriage. His wife wants him to stay and work through their problems, but right now he's living at home and still seeing the other woman almost every day. His kids don't know the truth (for sure) but most of the people he knows do, and disapprove.

Why would a guy do this?

FlaChic, this guy and his wife have been our best friends for 15 years. He's a leader in his community. I think he has a lot to lose and will hurt a lot of people if he keeps this up. As his friend, I think I have an obligation to call him out on this. Apparently you are more interested in 'if it feels good, do it' than I am. I believe people should keep their promises and not hurt others for purely selfish reasons. Maybe that's just a character flaw of mine.

Azalea, you are right that I don't know everything about his marriage, even though we are close to the couple. I have gone through some very hard times in my own marriage though, and I wish people didn't find it 'easier' to stray or leave than to work things out.

Leo, I think you hit on a lot of true things there. I just hope that your first premise is not universal: that a man not happy WILL cheat. I'd like to think most have the backbone to confront the issues and deal with them, and if it's really not salvageable, they divorce before starting a relationship with another woman.

Answer 1

One of two things: Either his marriage is truly "life-sucking" and his wife may have some personality that makes him just know he can't make it work or else she may even be verbally/emotionally abusive to him even if she doesn't mean to be; or else he's got an absolutely wonderful and perfect wife but he's just a jerk who wants something different in his life. Sometimes no matter how much someone would like to make a marriage work the other partner is someone who makes that impossible.

You don't know whether this guy has been legitimately living in a life-sucking situation for years or whether he's a jerk. Time may or may not tell..... It is a little tacky that he's still in the house and yet seeing the other women. That does kind of point to his just being a jerk On the other hand, if he's had the life sucked out of him for years and he's finally found someone who makes him feel like he's a human maybe he's just being human..

Answer 2

A man that is happy in his marriage will not cheat on his wife. A man that is unhappy will. After 20 years with the same woman things get stale, unless both work to keep excitement in their sex lives. Women have a tendency to let them self go when their in a long term relationship, cut their hair short (because it easy to take care of), gain weight, wear sloppy clothes. This is not true of all women, but most. He has found a woman that is exciting to him not drab and borring. I bet every time she is going to meet him, she dresses sexy, does her hair and makeup and looks hot. This is something his wife use to do. That's why he married her. The new woman is giving him sex all the time and it's new sex, something he has not had in a long time. Men are very visual and need to see their woman look good and want them in a sexual way, not feel sex is a chore. I could go on and on about this.

Answer 3

What a sad time for his wife. After being with him all those years.
He is going through a mid-life crises. This is my opinion. Some think, that they are in a stagnant phase in there life and he is excited now because of the new feelings he is having with this other woman. look at the situation a woman is seeing him knowing he is a married man. I believe what goes around, comes around.
Now as far as his life long wife, she should file for divorce, she deserves so much more than she realizes. She is hurting and that is so sad. He doesn't deserve her at all any more.

God bless the wife and I wish her so much happiness in life.

Answer 4

I think it was because he got married way to young. He probably thinks he missed out on life and is bored with the same woman. This new woman probably makes him feel young. Most men go through a time in thier life called mid life crisis. I am not saying it is right whatsoever he should of took is wedding vows seriously. My heart goes out to the wife she probably thought that this thing would never happen.

Answer 5

initially there is no one better positive than his spouse. A prettier woman isn't the same difficulty as better positive. despite the indisputable fact that, maximum adult adult males who're deeply in love with their associates, do not see different womwn as prettier. To him she is the most alluring woman there is. There are those events even as he will comprehend severe elegance in different women human beings, despite the indisputable fact that it would not replace the way he seems upon his personal spouse. a guy who could go away her for some different person in no way loved his spouse contained in the first position because love is unconditional and obviously, he would not comprehend what it incredibly is. incredibly an massive majority of adult adult males could in no way go away their different halves to be with some different person and if he does, he's better than probably dropping his time. There are circumstances that adult adult males do not effectively come precise out and communicate about as to why they don't go away, even even as the marriage looks to have dulled, and an outstanding style of it truly is so well-known that it has a tendency to be commonly unconscious in nature. a number of those adult adult males cheat, which there is no excuse for, yet they hardly, if ever, do they go away. Watch this video because it explains lots. @Mogas And what takes position even as the single he leaves her for also ultimately takes him with none interest and he has to supposedly also beg her for sex? maximum, if no longer all relationships, go by ability of a few difficult or boring spots like this, and if 2 human beings love one yet another, they climate the hurricane and get by ability of it. it really is talked about as adulthood. It appears like you may stand to spend a even as doing some study and advance up even as you're at it.

Answer 6

#1 both women and men do it. he's not going to stop and if he says he will and he does, she will never get over it. she may think she can, but she won't. it's over and she'll hurt like hell, but she needs to make him go. if she tries to get sexy and measure up, that won't work either. all he'll do is be thinking of the other woman and her self-esteem will go in the toilet. he also has the best of both worlds, tell her to 'rock' his and throw his ***t in his car, but make sure the kids don't see any drama. if she does do this, be the better person and never talk crap to the kids about their dad even though he doesn't deserve it.

Answer 7

He's thinking with the wrong head. The saying that people get wiser as they get older is not always true. He's cheating and his wife is willing to settle for this cheater.

Answer 8

Mid life crisis.

Answer 9

Sounds like midlife crisis to me, a man who see's the half way point in his life and wants something more!!

Answer 10

Maybe she is in menopause and isn't showing him the attention he desires. I have been in this spot for a year and a half, and I am tempted to stray as well.