how can i heal my broken heart?

Question

i was with my ex for 2 1/2 years. i was so in love with him. to be honest, i still am. even though i've just found him to be a cheater on alleged cheater websites. although to be fair i had suspected he cheated on me several times. he was my whole world. i thought we'd always be together and that i truely was the only one.
we have a baby together. who he doesn't support.
i must be crazy to still have feelings for him after all the things i've found out recently. to realize that he lied about everything. i trusted him and believed everything he said.
i feel physically weak and sick. and have headaches from thinking about him all the time.
my friends say what is this hold that he has over you? just move on. but i've been finding it so hard to do just that.
he's the love of my life and was my first serious boyfriend.
he just upt and left, left me holding the baby.
im so sad. so down. heading towards depression.
is there hope for me. to stop this pain and find happiness again?

Answer 1

First off, Please Don't Listen to people with Zero Empathy and No compassion like Lord of the Jungle. You have to realize that what you feel is normal and he ripped out your heart and you have to work on healing yourself. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, then you must talk to your OB/GYN and get some medication (very common, my wife had the same thoughts), it is normal, because your hormone levels are adjusting after the pregnancy and every woman's body handles it differently). Most importantly, you have to realize that you are not alone in the world. This man, obviously was not right for you, and once you realize that and accept it, the better off you will be. You have someone much more important than him in your life right now, your wonderful, beautiful baby!

He is missing out on probably the greatest joy any father can experience and don't forget it is HIS LOSS!!! I cannot imagine not being there for my daughter!! As much as you care for him, realize that he is not a real man, just when you needed him most, he upped and left, leaving you raising yours and HIS CHILD: what a LOSER!!!!

Get whatever help you can at this time raising your child, be it friends, family, etc., because it is overwhelming to have to go it alone. If you can possibly afford it, get a nanny, or put the child in homecare, daycare, etc. They take infants, as young as 6 weeks old at some places. You need to take care of yourself, that is most imporant, because your baby needs you to be in the best physical and mental condition. And, don't take everything too seriously!!! Your baby will definitely lighten up your life!!! I do believe that everything happens in life for a reason. He was not meant to be in your baby's life. He would just have hurt her as well! Good luck with everything and take care! A great book is the "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama, read it whenever you get any possibly downtime, it is about exactly what you're going through!!!!

Answer 2

Ooooh. Sweetie I'm sorry you're going through this. But while you are sitting there taking care of your baby, feeling miserable and trying to pick up the pieces of your broken heart, he's somewhere else without a care in the world. Just think... he's now free to do as he pleases, and he's not even helping to support his child. This man does NOT DESERVE the time you are taking to be depressed about him.

I was in your shoes a few years back, a young mother with a little baby and my husband with not a care in the world. It hurts and it will take time for you to heal, but he does not deserve you. Make some new friends, talk to people you trust about him, about the situation, about your feelings. It's necessary for you to let it go and not keep feelings inside. Get him out of your system so to speak. Consider writing down a list of all the bad things he ever did to you. Look at this list...
There's a saying in spanish, "better alone than in bad company". You'll find good company again... until then love your baby as much as you can and know that you'll get through this.

Answer 3

You have a serious case of "FBS - First Boyfriend Syndrome". It's very common and serious...your case is Class 1 because you have a child together. It makes me so angry!
Listen lady, firstly pull it togehter for your childs sake. You are responsible for a human life now and you can't be popping anti-depressants. Secondly, channel your pain into seeing a lawyer about maintenance and child support. It'll be a healthy way of expressing the built up anger inside...plus it is a minor form of revenge (trust me, after what he's done to you, he's coming back as pigs**t in his next life, and infertile one at that!) thirdly you'll never find hope down in the dumps. Suck it up and do something for yourself...you, yes, remember you! Get your hair did, get a facial, drop a backstreet boy! What I'm trying to say is that you will never find another man if you are moping around over the former prat! It's hard enough out there for single moms so by giving him credit for your physical and mental state is a habit you need to kick! If you take anything out of this, let it be that self-healing starts with yourself! Go get 'em girl!

Answer 4

Those of us that love to much always gets kicked in the teeth. Its easy for our friends to say move on. They are not dealing with the lonely nights and empty feelings you are having. Some of your explanation sounds like the same story that happened to me a couple of years ago. My husband left, with no explanation. He took the money, and left me to finn alone. Despite all he did to me, I still loved him. My friends told me to "forget that loser and get on with your life." Not a easy task when you are still in love. The only advice I have is, not to isolate your self from the world. Make sure you get out as much as you can. Go do things with your friends. Try to have as close to a normal life as possible. Stay away from places and people that remind you of memories that are to hard on you for now. One of two things will soon happen in your future if you keep your chin up and move ahead and never look back. One - you will eventually find someone else that will be great for you and love you and your baby. Or two - your ex could grow up, and realize how much you really mean to him, and the two of you might be able to work this out. Something good, always comes out of something bad. After being divorced 1 day shy of a year, my Ex and I remarried. A lot of changing went on in that time frame, and we were able to put our life back together. Its been over a year that we remarried, and things are so much better than ever. So, remember, just because it feels over and others tell you its over, doesn't mean a thing. It's over when you say its over. I hope the very best for you in the meantime. Reach way down deep inside and gather all your strength and move forward. You can never go back, which why would you want to if he cheated on you all the time. But you will be able to start fresh, with someone new or even him if you can work out the problems that lead y'all to split up. Lean on God for support. I know your pain, all to well, but I also know, you will survive, and the out come will be better than you can imagine.

Answer 5

Oh, I understand what it's like to love someone with your whole heart and they just trash it. I am so sorry. Go ahead and cry all you want. Take you and your baby to the park alot, if the baby is old enough. Pray. Ask God, your higher power, your higher self, whatever you want to call it, to help you with your highest good in mind. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need time alone to get away from the baby. People that ask for help are really smart. Smart enough to know that they can't do it alone. Hang in there and remember there is a good reason you are here on this planet. One is to raise your child.

Answer 6

You need to go to counseling, sweetie! Let this be a lesson for you......stop getting pregnant when you are not married. You suspected that he was cheating and you put up with it. Stop whining......he is not into you and he does not love you. You can sit in the house and cry about it or you can make the decison by taking the first step.....and that is with counseling and a lawyer to set up the child support. Don't let him walk away......get what you deserve.and don't look back. Oh, yeah.......listen to Dr. Laura on the radio every day......you will see yourself in some of the people she helps....she is non nonsense.

Answer 7

I've been there. Child and everything.

I raised my son by myself, so I can tell you from personal experience that it's not impossible. It hurts when your child asks for daddy, but you don't want to force him to have something to do with his child if he doesn't want to be there. It's not good for you or your baby.

As far as YOU are concerned, I'm sure that you know that he was not good for you, and that this was going to happen at some point, ESPECIALLY if you didn't trust him.

I'm not going to be like your friends who tell you to "just get over it". Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. It's going to take time, no matter what you do.

Take some time to be alone, and get used to the fact that you are a single mother. Spend time with friends who have children, too, and that will make you feel better. Do not date anyone until you know that you are strong enough to live without them.

A lot of guys don't want kids who are not their own, but there are a few guys out there who are okay with it. I found one, but it wasn't until my son was five.

My ex did me a favor by leaving, girl, and believe me, yours did you a favor, too.

Answer 8

He has given you the ultimate insult. You have loved someone not worthy to lick you shoes. he has chosen to betray you as if he shot you in the head. Let anger replace despair.Go after him for child support , get a restraining order, because one day you will see him again. Don't let your resolve soften. Write down all the things he has done. lock it up and forget it. Never allow him to be in your face again. Men like him think they can have you anytime they want, remember this would not be a reconciliation.Just him deriving pleasure in between conquest.

Once you have locked it up put your misery in a sea of forgetfulness. Meet men socially first. Remember to a player you are a mark. Become friends first, be comfortable, learn how they think before you let yourself go.

Good luck

Answer 9

You can't heal a broken hurt if you care that much for him. You have to move on and try not to think about that person. If he is not taking care of yaill child maybe you need to but your feelings for him on ice while you raise your child. Cheating is the one thing I can't tolerate, because when you cheat you lie, when you lie with dogs you might catch something. Plus if there is not trust in a relationship than you can't possibally be happy. Take care of yourself and baby forget that guy.

Answer 10

Time will heal your heart. There is always hope...hang in there and you'll see, things will be better for you and your baby in the long run. You WILL find happiness again and you will look back and wonder why you thought you were so in love with this loser. Good luck honey.