He's been hurt before ?

Question

The man i love struggles with revealing his feelings ,i know he cares a great deal about me but he won't share his feelings ,he says the last time he did he was really hurt and no-one including me is going todo that to him again,after six years how can i get him to realise i love him and get him to trust me,he can't understand what i see in him and is very insecure ,i know he loves me but does does not want to reveal so for fear of being hurt ,i don't know what i can do to make him realise he's my world and that he is all i want

Answer 1

he loves you he's been with you for 6 years! so he knows u love him when he say to u that he dont know why your with me i think its because he wants some reassurance at that time! 4 some guys its hard to share there feelings so they put up a front because they let there guard down and dont want the female to know just keep giving him all the love and support that you have been and then some

Answer 2

Definitely therapy. I've been in it and consioder it to be
such a luxury. I mean you get to sit on someone's couch
and talk, talk, talk, ...for an hour. You get it all out of your
system.

If your guy's not a talker, then you may have problems.
Will he go into couples counselling with you? That way... you
could do some of the talking (most) and you could get around
to some main issues that he might not even see.

Anyway, you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make
him drink. - If he won't accept help, then you're left with a
choice. Either accept him for who he is as he is, or start
looking for someone who can give you what you need emotionally.

After a year of couple's therapy, where he dropped out and I
continued, my therapist said, "It doesn't have to be like this.
He just doesn't have the emotional capacity to give you what
you need." That's not a bad thing. It's as if you need an
emotional Einstein- and his IQ is just 100 (normal). Either
you find someone with an emotional quotient of Einstein,
or you accept him as he is and stop bothering him about it.

Sometimes people fall in love with a person's potential. Not
good. You need to fall in love with the person as he is- warts
and all. He has to want to change with out any nagging from you-
and that, my friend, is up to him. Nagging won't help- therapy will.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

WOW when i started reading your question i thought , yep i can understand where he's coming from cuz that's where I'm at now. But 6years wow. Girl i wish i could help but unfortunately i cant and neither can you. If you have spent 6 years with this man and he still don't trust you he needs help. That's not a bad thing. Life can be tough on people and sometimes we need outside help to get over it. You have done all you can. If he can learn to let go he will be happier i think. I know I am when I can open up. Good luck.

Answer 4

You sound like a very sensitve and caring partner. It's wonderful that you're willing to work on this for so long.

After six years, it's pretty clear that you aren't going to effect change all by yourself. I suggest strongly that you schedule an appointment with a marriage/relationship counselor and get him to go with you.

In situations like this, men often feel that you are saying that there is something wrong with him. So, sell it to him by saying that you want to love him more and be closer to him. You might have to schedule it on your birthday and tell him it's what you want for a birthday gift.

In the meantime, lots of romantic caring will help. Notice I didn't say sex. Lovemaking won't hurt, but the little things will help more, IMHO.

Answer 5

it sounds like the last girl dug a little too deep there in all of him. it looks like you have alot of healing to do. if you truly love him you will stand by his side no matter what. so this is what i recommend. sit down with him and talk to him. tell him we have been together for six years now and it hurts me to see you like this. I'm not like the last girlfriend and will not hurt you. i love you and that is what i want to make clear to you. if i didn't i would not be here. tell him you support him in every way and you are right beside him if he wants to try to confront his fears. same if he doesn't. good luck sweet i hope i was of some help for you and i hope you get this solved

Answer 6

Threaten to leave him sounds harsh but he should open up then .
Shock him into telling you.
No second thoughts thats mean,listen he must care hes been with you for 6 years and when he does open up it will be the most wonderful thing maybe if you get married or have a child.

Answer 7

I agree with southcoastbl. Sounds like you need to change your behavior toward him. If after six years he hasn't revealed himself, perhaps you need to move on. If he loves you and wants you back-he'll come find you. If not, then no more time's wasted.

Answer 8

If this guy won't open up to you after six years he has issues that require professional help. You need to suggest that to him. If he refuses to even consider it, even in light of the damage that it's doing to your relationship, you should consider moving on.

Answer 9

personally i dont think it matters if he cant say "i love you" if he shows it in other ways & so long as you feel he loves you thats all that matters.

just keep telling him now & again how important he is to you but don't push him to open up. he'll do it in his own time even if its not for another 6 years. but he will do it

Answer 10

Well, he's certainly got you where he wants you.

Think about it. You've been with him for six years and he won't show his feelings because he thinks he might get hurt.

Does that sound a bit selfish? Does to me.