she is afraid to come out because of her parents, who extreamly christan and we have been sneaking around for about a year now I cant stand it! anyone who can give me advice please do!
2006-08-06 07:15:01 · 15 answers · asked by Jadedgirl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
she also desprately wants to come but her parente would disown her
2006-08-06 07:27:35 · update #1
I'm sry i just realized I did not add this
my girlfriend and I are deeply in love and I was going to ask her to "marry me" although technically the closed minded assholes that rule society wont allow itbut I did hope to exchange rings vows and maybe have a child in the future *artifically or adopted* and how am I to do that when she is afraid of who she is
2006-08-06 08:17:23 · update #2
Coming out is a purly personal event. Some people do it running and shouting, while others do it an inch at a time, slowly over a period of years. Sadly, some of us sit in the dark in a tightly closed closet all our lives. But it's personal.
There is nothing you should or can do, other than to offer her support. If it is tearing you apart, then that part is just as much your problem as it is her.
Think how would you feel if she wrote a question saying, "My girlfriend is out and proud, and I fear that is going to create a problem with my parents, who haven't a clue that I'm lesbian. What can I do about HER?"
You wouldn't take kindly to the notion that she's going to fix you would you?
2006-08-06 07:23:51 · answer #1 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it amazing that people have no problem with expressing hate, but love has to be hid? What a shame.
I can understand your girlfriend's fears. She doesn't want to listen to a lecture, have a fight with her parents, be rejected by them, or have them treat her like a sin.
Parents should love their children unconditionally, but that's not the real world. If her parents are extremely old then maybe she would want to avoid a confrontation seeing as they might not last all that much longer. But if they aren't then I think she should tell them.
Above everything she should remain calm. If after telling them an argument starts, she should tell them that she understands emotions are running high right now so she'll leave until they have to time to think about what was said. Then followup later on.
You both have a right to your relationship. Parents don't always agree on their children's choice of a mate, but it is YOUR mate not theirs...
I wish you the best of luck and much happiness.
2006-08-06 14:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first question, my Dear One, would be : are you both of legal age? If you are, then she could ultimately tell her parents and move out. If not, she has to abide by the rules of the home she's living in. I understand your GF's dilemma. I didn't come out of the closet until recently when I was drug out by my sister. My Best Beloved's family all knew and a cousin of mine but we opted not to tell my parents just in case they'd freak. Like your GF, I love my parents very much and didn't want to hurt them. We've been together for 25 years now and although my Mother knows we keep the don't ask/don't tell attitude around my Father.
Your GF is treading a fine line between her love for you and her love for her parents. My advice would be that, if you truly do love her, to give her the space she needs until you both are able to support yourselves. Then do what you need to do once you're a committed couple. Just make certain that you are committed, because if her parents do reject her, you will be the only family she has and she'll need a great deal of support. Blessings on you both.
2006-08-06 15:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand the feelings coming from both sides of the fence here. We have all been in your girlfriends place at one point or another. I am a biguy. My girlfriend is bi as well. We have an open relationship so as not to dreprive eachother our diverse sexual impulses.
The irony is that her family and friends are very accepting of these things, whereas mine are not. However, she hides it, whereas I am open.
The only thing to do is just let her make her choices, and respect them. Try and remember. It's not you she's ashamed of; it's her. So long as you know what's in her heart, who the hell cares if anyone else does? Right? Right.
It's only an obsticle if you make it one.
2006-08-06 14:50:32 · answer #4 · answered by pagan_priests 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to love and support her no matter what. If she fears coming out to her parents will be bad, start with something simple. Have her tell someone (possibly as religious has her parents) who she is close with then see there reaction.
Don't force her to do anything as that will rip you two farther apart. Just be there for her if she does decide to tell them. If she doesn't do it, don't put an ultimatum on it, if you do you can kiss your relationship good bye!
2006-08-06 14:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by Ben 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing that you can do is to talk it over with your partner. To be frank, no one here is going to be able to give you a quality answer because we do not know your situation as well as you do. I'd say that you need to communicate how dissatisfied you are with this aspect of your relationship and then work with your partner to formulate some kind of actionable plan or compromise to make things better.
2006-08-06 14:23:13 · answer #6 · answered by s_dude702 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if she wont make it known then mayb she's not tha 1 for u 2 b tryin'a settle wit rite now cause its not far 4 u 2 have 2 hide it when u already know whats real. Think'a bout it....
2006-08-07 04:36:16 · answer #7 · answered by sophatup 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had the same problem in my relationship with guys who are out who can't or won't accept the fact I'm in the closet and will stay that way. I love my family even if they are extremely anti-gay. If a guy can't understand that than he is gone. If you can't accept your girlfriends decision than it's time to move on. It's selfish of you try and force her out.
2006-08-07 01:21:39 · answer #8 · answered by locojt1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't push her.. it's only going to push her away... I've known for about 10 years now that I am.. but I've never told my family... and quite a few of my friends don't even know.. my family is very Southern Baptist and I know they wouldn't understand... I also moved away though... I live in PA now and they are in GA... so that makes it easier.. with the friends and other people I know.. I don't see it as any of their business.. the people who I want to know, do know...
2006-08-06 14:24:55 · answer #9 · answered by Paige 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all relationships are easy. Just respect her decision, in the end you dont want her to tell you,look what we've done ...... Be happy with what you got girl, real love ...take care and hope all works for you and your girl. Congrats to riverotter7 xoxoxox
2006-08-06 21:18:56 · answer #10 · answered by maltese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋